Tag: Cindy

Wheel! Of! Torture!

Greetings, dear snarkers, hate-readers, and beady-eyed nitpickers. Please allow me to share with you my horrifying realization: with Cody, Owen, Wedgeman, et al, having finally graduated from Westview High, Tom Batiuk no longer needs to depict “contemporary issues affecting young adults”. After forty-four years, Batty’s decided to ditch the high school madness plotlines and focus full-time on what he really wants to write about: the Starbuck Jones universe. Brace yourself for strip after strip about how TB imagines Hollywood movies are made. At least he used to take the trouble of lurking around his old high school to glean details of “real” high school life (and he’d still get it wrong).

With such thin material from which to spin the Starbuck saga, Batiuk’s going to need to pad and plod even more than he typically does, which brings us to today’s strip, which starts out promisingly with a cameo from Pat Sajak. Turns out to be more of Batty’s bait-and-switch, and not to spoil it for you but I feel I must: this whole week revolves around Mason considering adding an “e” to his last name.

Causing Fireworks

In today’s offering, handsome Mason Jarr tries to get Cindy to chill because all he and Marianne Winters will be doing tomorrow is blowing up cars in the street. Cindy hints at causing some “fireworks” of her own, but stops short of confessing that she was the one that bombed the Westview Post Office in a pique of jealousy over Lisa’s happy life with Les – happiness she was never able to find with Funky.

 

How Green Doth My Envy Burn For Thee

Link to today’s treacle.

What the hell, Cynthia? It’s already acknowledged that any multicellular lifeform on Earth would bump uglies with you in a heartbeat given half a chance. Why are you so threatened by this unseen nemesis Marianne Winters?

So it seems that this week’s arc is rapidly devolving into another display of Cindy’s insecurities. T-Bats sure does like torturing her. That popular blonde chick in high school must’ve not only shot him down but double-capped him for good measure and he’s been doodling his revenge ever since.

And hey, what are Mason and Dick Facey (heh heh, thanks Epicus) chatting about in the foreground? Let’s listen in…

The Fault in Cindy’s Stars

So where in the hell is Cindy? She’s never far away from Mason… Isn’t about time for Mason’s co-star to show up and we get a month of Cindy’s jealousy, self-loathing and depression about her looks despite being a 54-year-old in a 28-year-old’s body?

— hitorque

Good ol’ T-Bats. Such a clichéd and formulaic writer that SoSF readers can see what’s coming a mile away…

Link to today’s strip

She’s on the far side of fifty-five with the looks of a twenty-something. She had a successful career as a television news anchor, and is now becoming a familiar online personality through her work with start-up webcaster BuddyBlog. She’s engaged to an up-and-coming action film star. What more could Cindy want?

Peace of mind, that’s what. Somehow, she knows that every time a shred of happiness is glimpsed or grasped at in the Funkyverse she calls home, The Creator will snatch it cruelly away. The burden of this threat gnaws at her constantly but she is helpless against it, because The Creator has deemed that no satisfaction in life may be had without cost – even if that cost is as simple as constant anxiety.