Tag: football

Saturdrag

Link to today’s strip.

Saturday’s strip was not available for preview, but let’s face facts: we can say without question that it’s boring beyond description.  For that reason, I’ve invited someone else, boring beyond description, to write today’s post so I can start my drinking early.

Hello, everyone on the internet, I’m Les Moore.  I teach Language Arts at Westview High School…and I’m a bit of a writer!  I’m sure that’s why your friend Beach Cheese* asked me to write for you today…that, plus he said I was “just as boring” as the strip, by which he meant that, like a drill, I am able to penetrate many layers to get to a deeper meaning!

*(I think the name was Beach Cheese.  Is that right?  Does anyone know a Beach Cheese?  Well, you’re better with me, because I’m sure whatever he might have written would have been quite cheesy.  Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha, oh my.  Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, I do have a gift, don’t I.)

Well, let’s start.  Okay, we have Bull and this other man, who is quite handsome, speaking to each other, and one of them made a joke!  Ha ha, that is a pleasantly diverting moment from the ongoing despair that envelopes us in a continuous haze of fear, regret and brown-tinged memories of desperation.

It reminds me of a funny story.  You see, our old principal, Fred Fairgood, had a stroke nearly two years ago.  When Funky told me about it, I smirked and said, “Well, we’re going to have to write Fred’s name in a serif font now,” and I then explained that a serif font is one that has decorative strokes.  Well, clearly Funky had never heard such a funny joke, because he just frowned at me for a long time trying to figure it out, even after I explained it to him.  Some people just don’t “get” the best humor!

Another funny story is about Wally.  See, he was a soldier somewhere outside Westview, and a few years ago, I saw him on the street and I said “Hey!” and I made my hands into gun-shapes and said, “Pew!  Pew!”   Well, he covered his head with his hands and dropped to the ground, because I think the secret code of military toughness means they’re not supposed to laugh at funny jokes–like those people who guard the Queen–and he was hiding his laughs so he wouldn’t get in trouble.  But don’t worry!  If I saw his sergeant, I would have said he laughed, but he laughed in a tough manner, so don’t put him in Army Jail too much!  He got a dog a year or so later, so obviously I was right.

Well, I’ve given you two funny stories, which is probably more than you get in a month, so I’ll just leave it at that!   I’ll be sure to tell that Beach Cheese person that you enjoyed them, so he’ll get me to do this again.  I have to get back to my wife, Lisa, who died of cancer, and that other woman who cleans and makes food.  What is her name again?  I should really know that.  I should get her a Christmas card and thank her this year.  Maybe, if I have time–lots of stuff to do for other people, like Lisa.

Oh, but I do want to leave you with this fun activity you might want to try:  collecting old comic books.  You’ll be surprised at how it makes you feel!

In closing, let me just quote Billy from Predator:  “We’re all gonna die.”  So long for now!

Like Grandfather, Like Grandson

Link to today’s strip.

Well, one mystery has been solved.  Dolt McMoron’s clearly a relative of Crankshaft.  A grandson, no doubt, and he’s inherited his granddad’s inability to use language.   I wonder if he’ll knock over some mailboxes in his SUV when he leaves?  Or kill people?  That could be entertaining so the outlook is not sunny for the Westview nine this day.

As for the actual content of this strip, for the most part I look at this and when I look in the mirror I see Bull’s expression in panel two papered over my own, like some kind of horrible vampire-mask.  That kind of dull-witted non-interest depicted there, and felt here, sure makes it hard to wake up.  I mean, write.  But, credit where it’s due, that knob in panel two is really well drawn.  Honestly–it’s realistic enough to be recognizable, but also nicely abstract.   I think today’s offering would have been way better if it was just drawing after drawing of that blackboard knob…because the rest of it….zzz

…zzzzzzzz *SNAH!!* I”M AWAKE!

D.U.H.H.

Link to today’s strip.

Greetings, folks, BChasm back in the slammer.    You might notice there’s actually a teeny, tiny bit of humor in today’s episode.   (Oh, our visiting character isn’t named in the strip, so I’m going to call him Dolt McMoron just for reference.)

Well, Dolt’s school is called “Diversity University Ironton,” which has got to be a hard way to introduce yourself.  But notice on his shirt!  Here’s the teeny, tiny humor!  Get ready…see, the initials of his awkward institution spell out “D.U.I.”!  As in “Driving under the influence.”  Which is, as well all know, Bull’s shtick–he’s always drinking, carousing, partying without bounds, even during school hours–all while driving.  His antics disrupt Les’ class (remember those 85 pizzas?  Ha!), and his flatulence has been known to clear out the faculty lounge for a day-and-a-half!  Ha ha ha.

Wait a minute.  Actually, come to think of it, that isn’t Bull’s shtick.  Bull’s shtick is to yell at his players from the sidelines in a futile attempt to make them win a game.   (Heck, even with that magic-arm guy from last year–Jakov or whatever his name was–the team only managed to lose slightly better.)

But apparently, Ironton wants people like Bull.  The whole idea that Bull has no responsibility for his team’s losses is par for the course in the Funkyverse.  It’s those damned kids.  It’s always those damned kids. 

(By the way, how hard could it be to come up with a better name if you want to use the DUI acronym?  Dacron University of Indiana.  That took three seconds.)

 

Multi-Failing

Today’s strip

Nope, it’s not TFH, you’re stuck with your faithful old pal Epicus for another fun-filled week! And based on the header pic, it’s going to be one hell of an arc, possibly featuring multiple views of Funky’s enormous freak ass as he hangs Halloween decorations! Trick or treat in-deed!

131027Man, TheAuthor really outdid himself with this drawing. A broken, exhausted Bull is just dripping with shame, fatigue and defeat while Linda doesn’t even try to hide her weary disgust and indifferent disdain while blurting out her usual meaningless platitudes. And not only does it come completely out of left field, but it’s crammed into a completely unrelated comic book cover tribute too, floating there like the proverbial turd in a punchbowl. I guess “sports” was supposed to be the “common theme” here but man, that’s a pretty f*cking tenuous connection.