Funky – Page 124 – Son of Stuck Funky

The Treadmill To Nowhere

Obesity, rapid aging, coronary issues, weird skinny legs and crippling malasie…these are “nagging little injuries”, Funky Winkerbean style. That sounds about right. And sorry Fitness Girl, but your “meal ticket” is in fact that pizza place down the road that’s stuffing the local kids full of stale leftover glop before they even get to school in the morning. That’s what the local mortician calls Montoni’s too, by the way.

The joke doesn’t even make sense. Fitness Girl isn’t a doctor or a physical therapist, so how would a rash of tennis-related injuries possibly benefit her? And what the hell is Funky babbling about? Tennis? Oh, that one time many years ago when he stood around a tennis court with Les and complained about something? Come on, be serious.

Dream On, Funk-Man

Link To Today’s Strip

Special thanks to the SoSF Staff for the last six weeks of exceptional and hilarious snarking! And as always extra-special thanks to TFH, forever our Grand Exalted Leader!

We often give TB a hard time about the way he skips around all over the place and leaves unresolved story arcs just hanging there for years at a time, but let’s give credit where it’s due today. I was on pins and needles wondering how Lard-Butt was doing at the gym so seeing his fat sweaty shapeless form again is a real relief. Building suspense is all well and good, but when you have “reality-based storytelling” that’s as gripping as this arc is, you don’t want to wait too long between re-visits. Cindy and Cory and Holly and Les and Becky’s mom are just going to have to wait, there’s a Pulitzer (nomination) just waiting to be had here, dammit.

While it’s nice that Funky is setting goals for himself, he might want to set his sights a tad bit lower if you ask me. Perhaps looking AS good as people twice his age would be a better starting point and far more realistic too. “Look better than other people my age”…seriously, Tom? The only FW character in worse shape than Funky is Fred and at least he has an excuse. And Fred at least tries to tell jokes, too. That’s probably the most ludicrous bit of FW dialog in many years, if not ever. If he wrote that masterpiece with a straight face he’s a more stoic man than I, that’s for sure.

In any event, get ready for sweat beads, wry self-deprecating remarks, a possible coronary episode and fat jokes….a lot of fat jokes. And if you’re busy this week and just don’t have the six seconds a day to put into reading the thing, just re-read my last sentence and you’ll be covered, as the likelihood of anything interesting happening this week is almost assuredly zero.

Moore’s the Pity

Link to today’s strip.

ACTUAL STRIP CONTENT COMMENTARY: There isn’t any. “Content,” that is. What we’ve got is a recap post for those poor souls unlucky enough to have missed a month of Tom Batiuk’s brilliance, and are desperate to find out what’s “happened.” To those folks, well, I can only quote the Daleks: “‘Pity’? The word is not in my vocabulary.”

I have to say that the last panel is a perfect summation of all of Funky Winkerbean. It should be the logo on the official site.

BCHASM’S “TL;DR” POST:

In 1941, Preston Sturges made Sullivan’s Travels. If you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend it, and I won’t spoil it for you. The premise is that Joel McCrea plays a Hollywood director who specializes in frothy, lightweight comedies. However, he longs to make serious dramas that call attention to the ills of the day. The film never outright says it, but Mr. McCrea wants to be known as an artist, and not an entertainer. The lessons he learns, and the conclusion he comes to won’t be surprising to anyone, but I still find it amazing that others in Mr. Sullivan’s shoes seem oblivious to those same lessons.

I wonder, if Tom Batiuk was just starting out on his career as a syndicated cartoonist, and if he took the best strips of the past three years, do you suppose any syndicate would hire him? Or would they show him and his relentlessly gloomy strips to the exit?

What publisher looks at the comics page and says, “We need more depressing comic strips. Buy Funky Winkerbean!”? I can’t imagine such a person. (Well, okay, I can imagine J. Jonah Jameson doing this, because he hates his readers.) Does this mean that Funky Winkerbean still appears in newspapers due to inertia and nostalgia, for a time when we were younger and the strip made us smile wryly?

In the very infrequent times that I step in the Comics Kingdom comments section, Mr. Batiuk has a few defenders, none of whom can point to the positive aspects of his work that they enjoy (it’s well drawn, the characters are realistic, it reminds me of my youth, etc etc). None. The only defenses I’ve seen employed by his fans is that his detractors have never won an award and must be unemployed. Well, I mean, take that! Oh–and there’s also “If you don’t like it, don’t read it!” I’ll wait for you to recover from that mot juste.

I wonder what Tom Batiuk really hopes he’s accomplishing. Does he, J. Jonah Jameson-like, take pleasure in consistently thwarting people’s desire for entertainment, because that damned Spider-Man? Or, conversely, has he simply ceased to care? I know that if I drew a nice paycheck doing something in which I no longer believed, I’d probably keep doing it as long as the bills kept arriving. Everyone has the right to survive, after all. But I’d still take no joy in it.

Of course, a creative person (an artist or an entertainer) might find a way to bring joy back to his creation. As I noted yesterday, when Conan Doyle brought back Sherlock Holmes, he did so in The Hound of The Baskervilles–hardly an FU to the Holmes fans. Would such a thing be possible for Batiuk? I don’t know, but I think it’s far too late for Funky Winkerbean–Batiuk has started down his chosen path, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to admit he made a terrible mistake. No, you will take Les Moore, and you will like Les Moore, and you will find yourself amused and enlightened by Les Moore*. I suppose it’s a strange stance to take, to decide that this is the line that shall not be crossed.

Everyone can see the line, it’s just that no one wants to stand on that side.

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

*For amusement, try substituting “horse poop” for “Les Moore” in that sentence. It reads exactly the same!

Speaking of O Brothers, the greatest O brother of all, David O, will be driving the SoSF Funky Cart in the Depression Box Derby starting tomorrow. Thank you for your indulgence, and exit right to Funway!

Reqiuem for Methuselah

Link to today’s strip.

And so we come to Saturday, after a week of watching a fat man struggle with exercise equipment while a young woman smirks.

Tell me that description is what keeps Funky Winkerbean in hundreds of newspapers. “See, there’s this fat, sweaty guy who owns a pizza place, and he’s at the gym! Isn’t that hilarious?” Actually, no, it’s not–in fact, it’s not even interesting. Watching Funky fill Snowball’s gas tank would be just as compelling. And, it would have the added bonus of bringing back a character we don’t hate–Snowball.

I don’t know about you, but this week has been a difficult one–it’s hard to critique peanut-butter sandwiches. There’s no level digging, no uncovering of insights, no finding a universal truth, or a moral path, or even an interesting story in a peanut-butter sandwich. Trust me, this week has been as boring to write about as it has been for you folks to read.

And I’ll be charitable and say that it was probably just as boring, work-a-day, no-satisfaction as it was to create these strips in the first place. Sometime during the Act III years, I’m sure this set of drawings was tossed off in a day or two and then filed away in the “filler” drawer, to be published any time–just like the “Snowball” arc, no doubt. I cannot imagine anyone tossing this stuff off with any level of enthusiasm–in a sense, I feel sorry for Tom Batiuk here. Writing comics that have nothing to do with Les Moore is obviously hard work for him.

One thing that’s really easy, though, is hating these characters. Just ask Tom Batiuk. The unabated contempt that radiates from the strip when Funky’s on the screen (like now) can’t be accidental.

If Tom Batiuk can’t treat his characters with anything other than loathing, why should anyone else have a different reaction? If the puppeteer hates the puppets, the audience isn’t going to like them either. Which makes me, for the millionth time, wonder why Tom Batiuk goes on with this thing. Is there a way these characters can be redeemed in the eyes of their creator?

You know, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once threw Sherlock Holmes over a waterfall. Doyle was tired of the spotlight Holmes cast on him, and he wanted to write about other things. After several years, public pressure led Doyle to bring Holmes back–in what was probably the best Holmes story of them all, The Hound of the Baskervilles. Maybe something like that is needed so that Funky will once again interest Tom Batiuk. I wonder if eight years will be sufficient. (I also wonder if there’ll be any public pressure, but never mind that.)

Are there any waterfalls in Westview? Just askin.’

That Which Survives

Link to today’s strip.

You know, if I were a callous, horrid, jobless beady-eyed nitpicker, I’d be damned tempted to say that this strip is posted above the ol’ FW drawing board as a motto of inspiration. Or at least a plan. “Tell fewer jokes.”

In fairness, Batiuk is right that the vast majority of “I’m going to get healthy” resolutions are quickly abandoned. (in unfairness, it should be noted this is another hardly a new insight. Jokes of this nature have been in the comics for decades.) I actually belong to a gym, and when January rolls around, the place is stuffed to the gills.

But it never lasts. Tonight, a little over three weeks into the new year, the levels are back down to normal. Exercise is hard work, and it tends to be dull, too; you really have to push yourself to stay with it. Once you get past a certain threshold, though, you find your body needs it and it becomes far less of a chore.

As for Funky, I seriously doubt his exercise arc will continue past this week, for two reasons. The first is that Funky is far too passive, depressive and weak-willed to make any significant change in his downward spiral. I’m always amazed to see him in the strip, as it means he’s managed to haul himself out of bed.

The second reason is that, even by Funky Winkerbean standards, this has been one damned boring storyline. I think stretching it beyond a week would tax Tom Batiuk’s abilities, though I confess I wouldn’t put it past him to try.