Tag: Lisa’s Legacy

Better By You, Better Than Me

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Speaking for myself, Boy Lisa’s annoying insistence on referring to Lisa as his “mom” is nothing short of infuriating. Lisa was not Darin’s “mom”, his mother is named Ann and she’s currently back in Westview caring for his father Fred, who suffered a stroke on the crapper a few years back. Let me tell you, the way he took his misery knife and carved up those two characters was one of the cruelest things he’s done in Act III and all of it after Ann single-handedly scored Summer her championship too. The stroke, the loveless sham marriage full of unfulfilled dreams, the weird half-sister, Darin’s sudden embrace of Saint Lisa as his “mom”…he went all-out on the Fairgoods.

BanTom’s barely-disguised disdain for adoption in general aside, what a laughable piece of claptrap this is. Sure, this husband, father of a young child and sole provider has a hefty windfall plop right into his lap and his first thought is Lisa…come on already, Tom, knock it the f*ck off.

Keep Those Goals Manageable There, Cayla

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Finishing in third place in the fifty-and-over category in a charity cancer fun run dedicated to the memory of her husband’s dead first wife represents a “perfect day” for Cayla? Good God these people are so f*cking dull. Unambitious too. Les can only write about one topic, Cayla is overjoyed after being beaten by two other runners, Lisa wants to jog behind her former husband and his new wife forever…what a bunch of sad-sack-sorry losers. Live slow, die old and leave a weathered beaten corpse, as the old saying goes.

You Should See What They’ll Do For Some Pants And A Nectarine

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Sure Les, they didn’t participate in a cancer fun run because it was for a worthy cause or because they enjoy running, they did it for a banana and one of those hideous tee-shirts that no sane person would wear again for any reason. Only you may fully appreciate Lisa’s Story, the rest of the peons are no more than animals, unworthy gullible morons. He can’t even be bothered to thank the participants for their time, he’s too busy implying that they’re just a bunch of easily-swayed marks. What a dick.

What a shitty punchline too. The gag would be terrible enough on its own, but what really sends today’s strip over the edge is that artwork in panel three. Seeing Les in that odd annoying pose fills me with a peculiar mix of rage and queasiness I can’t quite define, as it’s unique to this comic strip and the Les character. You know exactly what I’m talking about, that complex combination of sheer anger, stupefying boredom and total disgust that only Les Moore himself can generate. The Germans have a word for it: Lessmoorefruedeschitzen, which roughly translates to “shameful annoyed rage”. While any FW arc can and will be just as bad, when Les is involved it’s just a whole different level.

Quoth Ghost Lisa…”Forevermore”

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I want it to go on forever too, or at least until Les Moore finally collapses in dehydrated agony, his body cramping so severely that it eventually implodes into a small green globule that gets washed into the nearest storm drain during the next good autumn soaking. Because that would be great. Barring that, blah, this is downright creepy. I mean who wrote this one, his nine year old niece?

LOL Ghost Lisa. What’s her deal anyway? Is she somehow contractually bound to only appear at Les sanctioned events or is she free to move about as she pleases? She seriously wants to spend all eternity following Les and his new living wife as they jog around that crummy park? What a bore, although it does deviate from the typical Westviewian’s eternal dream, that being eating pizza in a structure made entirely of comic books, of course.

In fact it sounds more like hell to me, but then again I’ve always despised Les Moore and all he stands for thus I’m slightly biased. I liked Ghost Lisa more back when she was detecting structural problems in passenger jets and things like that, you know, really USING her ghostly powers. Now she’s another bland idiot whose only interesting characteristic is being dead. In fact if she wasn’t transparent (indicating ghostliness) she’d be indistinguishable from the rest of these dullards. Who’d even notice anyway?

His Mouth Runneth Over

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Les’ “book talks” tend to run long…BIG surprise there. Once that obnoxious windbag gets going on “Lisa’s Story” there’s just no shutting him up. Reminds me of another author whose name escapes me at the moment.

Although I have to admit, the bearded dick with ears must be in peak physical condition, as he’s been blathering away the entire time. He must have the lung capacity of a blue whale…and none of the charm. And check out that background guy in panel two. I mean no one’s asking for any sort of attention to detail there or anything but at least pretend you put a little effort into that beard, which is just atrocious. Man, the background people in FW are all such weirdos and misfits, with the weird misshapen heads and geometrically impossible bodies and all. Too bad there isn’t a strip about them.