Dead/Missing Children=Comedy Gold

“Hahaha, people dying or missing is hilarious!”-Tom Batiuk, who brought you Lisa’s Story, Bull’s Story, Susan’s Attempted Story, Jacques Stropp’s Off-Camera Story, Wally’s Simulated Video Game Story, and Wally’s MIA Story, all of which were Very, Very Serious and must not be mocked because just because they’re called the funny pages doesn’t mean they have to be funny.
In “Adding Hedge Funds to Your Joke Attempt Adds Nothing, Vol. 2” we have “Varies by district”, which adds nothing. Apart from “haha, educators come from different districts, that’s the gritty realism we’ve come to expect from this quarter inch from reality strip”.

Is This Strip For Anyone?

Hey, a sign, and people standing around watching it. That’s sure a good use of comic’s sequential storytelling capabilities-people standing around looking at an inanimate object. I wonder how long before this entire strip is just white text on a black background.
Also, is there anything remotely funny in the sign itself, apart from “haha, people make a lot of money off band candy sales” (which seems to contradict the fact that bands and music departments are always hard up for money)? Yes, haha, hedge funds are an investment option, but pointing that out isn’t close to funny.
Here’s a much better investment option. Get a job where literally nobody pays attention to the quality of your work and milk it as long as you possibly can. Batiuk could definitely give lectures on that.

Bury Dinkle, Please

Cultivating: to loosen or break up the soil about (growing plants). Nothing to do with burying. Or planting. Yes, this is basically all the reaction I had to today’s lame strip. Other than noticing the weirdly non-specific sign in the background. After specifically and obviously being the Ohio MEA for years it makes me wonder if either Batiuk thinks he somehow has a global audience and needs to be non-specific or maybe he’s mad at the OMEA or what. Maybe if the strip was even slightly more interesting I wouldn’t be wondering about this.
I just love Becky’s “my soul died twenty years ago” expression in the second panel. Like, this gag is supposed to be funny, right? So shouldn’t be smiling? If not, if it’s supposed to be lame, shouldn’t she be rolling or eyes or looking exasperated? I mean the guiding philosophy behind this strip has been “I don’t care anymore” but it really doesn’t need to be seeping into the actual facial expressions of the characters.