Tag: New York

I prefer my wordplay with a pink center

Set-up: The story arc moves closer to a conclusion as Cindy’s tactic straight from the “Fletch School of Journalism” pays off – what with the fearless invasion of privacy and all.  Cindy, Mason, and Pete go face to face with the elusive Cliff ‘H’ Anger and a classic ‘Who are you? (Journalist-turned blogger) Who am I? (Unemployed star of stage and screen) Whats with the haircut? (Mark Davis’s hair stylist did it!) exchange that plays out with predictable Certified Grade A TB-word play.

Punchline: Meat jokes? Really?

Don’t encourage him, Mason – the dopey manchild to your left could have input on the script (assuming he doesn’t get the same Hollywood treatment as Les) and if you start to buy into his wordplay, this Starbuck Jones reboot will feature typical awkward zingers such as : “Done enough for you?” and “Take the Xaxian to the hold – don’t forget to grill!”  This straight to laserdisc video will move plenty of units…but I digress…

An unsophisticated plebe such as myself can’t do the calculus needed to estimate Cliff H Anger’s age..but I’ll set out variables for the SoSF faithful : 1) The serial was produced during the height of the cold war.  2) Cliff H. Anger was likely in his…20’s? 3) The current FW timeline is…today? Ten years ago? 4) If Cindy is Funky’s age…how old is Mason? 5) Should Cliff H. Anger really be living alone at his advanced age and why is he younger looking than Harry Dinkle?  6) Wait…what was the question?

In any event, we’re bound to see this play out in classic Westview custom: Cliff H. Anger will be offered a cameo role – giving him faint hope that he won’t have to sell memorabilia nobody wanted in the first place.  Now…keep in mind this role is being offered by the lead who, as far as we can tell, is neither the producer nor the casting director.  Cliff H. Anger will fly all the way out to Hollywood only to be told by some suit that there’s no place for him in the film…and he’ll travel back to New York City even deeper in debt.  Cute.

 

Charming the Angry Cliff

Hey, everyone. SpacemanSpiff85 giving it a shot today. All week I was afraid I’d get a full panel of antique Starbuck Jones memorabilia drawn by whoever Batiuk last cornered at a con, so I’m glad I actually have something to write about today.

So…Mason just sat on the window sill like that? And not just while he was watching Cindy on the balcony, but even after she went inside Anger’s apartment and talked to him, which probably took a little while? He didn’t wonder if maybe he should be concerned for her well being? While he had Funky still on the phone? And Pete just stood there awkwardly in the hallway, probably daydreaming about how the old Batom writers used to break into people’s apartments through fire escapes, back in yesteryear? As dumb and typically Batiukian as all this is, it is kind of great seeing Mason’s sad little expression as his fiancée’s ex-husband basically says he still finds Cindy attractive. And who doesn’t Funky have the hots for? Not Holly, as far as I can tell, but his fitness instructor, ex-wife, and his son’s fiancée clearly do it for him.

And the multi-cellular organism bit is another dumb bit of what Batiuk thinks qualifies as wordplay. Single celled organisms don’t find her charming? Plants and mold and lichen do? I kind of wonder if Batiuk originally had something along the lines of “Who wouldn’t?” or “Him, too?” but thought that was too creepy and unfunny even for him. Or maybe he just thinks “multicelled organism” is impressive science talk, like “anti-matter brownie” or “time pool”.

And finally: is she a hag or a seductress charming her way into stranger’s apartments with her beauty, Batiuk? I’m sure in a week’s time she’ll be moaning over how she’s far too worn and decrepit to be the Vera Moon to Mason’s Starbuck.

Rear Window

We bring you Day 2 of SoSF’s 6th Anniversary Gala as Paypah Clip steps up to the Guest Author plate! Remember to check out all of our guest authors this week and vote for your favorite starting Sunday!

Link to today’s utter nonsense

Hi, y’all! Paypah Clip here for a guest turn at SofSF. Away we go…

Hoo boy. In today’s offering, we get to see Mopey and M. Jarr, action star, stand around being vigilantly useless while (35? 58?)-year-old Cindy limbers up and in true 15-year-old fashion greases herself through an upper-story window like a spider monkey.

I’m always looking for some consistency in TB’s renderings of Cindy, and I never find it. Sometimes she’s smoking hot a la her days at Westview, but on off days it looks like her face is melting or she had a mild stroke. And no one around her says, “Hey, Cindy, you ok? You kind of went all Jabba the Hut on us.” Today, we are treated not to Cindy’s ever-changing face but to her (also) shape-shifting derrière. It’s inconsistent, but in the Batuikverse, that’s consistent with expectations. And there’s something kind of comforting in that.

My hope for Cindy is that she’s clambering out to escape these dreary knuckleheads, while Cliff Anger comes out of his apartment and attacks them with a meat cleaver in a dementia- and methamphetamine-fueled rage. One can dream.

Not By The Hair Of My Chinny Chin Chin…

Hi gang! The SoSF 6th Anniversary Week kicks off with a very special contest: five faithful readers will get a turn in the guest author chair to vie for utterly worthless prizes! Three spots remain! If you’d like to play along, the details may be found here. Meanwhile, please enjoy our first Guest Author!

Hi, folks! HeyItsDave here with my Guest Author post (special thanks to TFHackett for the opportunity!)

With the help of that awesome people-finding search engine eBay, the Tin Man, Dorothy, and the Cowardly Lion have finally arrived at the Wizard’s palace, only to be turned away at the gate.

Look at that dejected look on poor Mason’s face. So far, he’s pretty much been depicted as a kind of goofy-but-well-meaning regular sort of guy. I almost feel sorry for him as he realizes that maybe he’s not such a well-known beloved celebrity after all (the hero’s welcome he got in Westview, America’s Heartland must have really jaded him.)

C’mon, Mason! You’re an action star! KICK THAT DAMN DOOR IN AND MEET YOUR HERO!  Or, you know, embrace your butthurt…

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Cadet Collection

If you find reading Funky Winkerbean seven days a week to be an exercise in confusion and frustration, imagine what the reader experience must be like for those who only get the newspaper on Sundays. We daily readers at least have some sort of context, not that it helps much.

If Batiuk really cared about telling this story in a coherent manner, the extra real estate of the Sunday panels would afford him space to provide character and story development. Instead, he squanders precious ink and newsprint on another comic book cover. At least this one is an original (by DC and Marvel artist and fellow Ohioan Paul Galacy) and not some obscure title from a longbox under TB’s bed. So he’s able to work in some tangential connection to the “plot”: based on hair color, the “Lunar Cadets” appear to be stand-ins for Mason, Cindy, and Pete. Meanwhile, the real Mason, Cindy and Pete are relegated to a Family Circus-like bubble at the top, and most of that space is taken up by exposition and a reference to yet another comic franchise.

The artwork itself is fine; well, aside from the dull, muddy color pallette. But if the artist is going for a 50’s or 60’s feel, it would have been a nice touch to have the LUNAR CADETS banner hand-lettered, instead of using type that has clearly been digitally set and stretched.