Rachel – Page 16 – Son of Stuck Funky

It’s A “Cross-over”!!!

Get it? The bowling ball “crossed-over” into Rachel’s lane! “Cross-over”! Har-dee-har-har! Oh man, BanTom was on a real “roll” here, “bowling” us over with one of his patented side-“split”-ters. He’s the comic strip author you just can’t “pin” down! I may have to order a copy of this one so I can “frame” it as soon as I have some cash to “spare”. This kind of humor is right up my “alley”.

Anyhow, Ed’s band of boring morons have apparently just handed Funky’s band of boring idiots the coveted Holiday Tournament trophy via their sheer ineptitude. Quite a story and well worth the five days he spent telling it. Hopefully Jessica learned her lesson here and never inquires about those greasy old Montoni’s photos again. That girl is in dire need of a hobby. Might I suggest documentary film-making….oh, yeah, that’s right. Never mind.

Notice how CS characters are front and center in FW but not the other way around. Also notice what a piece of crap “Crankshaft” is, although you already knew that. I wonder which one draws more readers? I mean sure, we’re talking about maybe forty people here, give or take, but still. Everyone who filled me in regarding CS was right on the money, what a nasty piece of business that whole mess is.

But isn’t it pretty funny how badly he botched his comic strip titles? “Funky Winkerbean” and “Crankshaft”…oh man, when you think about it those are two really bad unmarketable titles right there. One is just stupid and the other couldn’t possibly be more innuendo-laden. I personally can’t wait to stop having to type the word “crankshaft”, even initializing it is annoying at this point.

Bowling For Imbeciles

Link To Today’s Masterpiece

So they went out and bought bowling shirts, THEN discovered that one of their teammates can’t bowl at all? Brilliant. With BanTom’s vast archives of gags like this one, no wonder has needs two daily strips, as one just ain’t enough. I’m assuming that those “Crankshaft” characters have names but please, don’t share them, OK? I think I’m happier not knowing.

Seriously though, what a shitty gag. Why even bother with doing a crossover if you’re not going to put anything into it? Like with that Dick Tracy arc earlier this year, it was so listless and so lifeless you could only wonder why he did it in the first place. I mean it couldn’t possibly be any easier for him, you have Crankshaft show up on Monday, act like a real dick on Tuesday, then repeat it four more times. Apparently you’re supposed to be reading CS this week as a sort of FW “companion piece” that helps the “jokes” make more sense but frankly that seems like way too much trouble IMO. And there still isn’t any payoff even if you do, but you already knew that.

But if you’re a glutton for punishment…here ya go.

Numb-er Of The Beast

Link To Today’s Action

Ah-HA! So it IS Rachel after all. He really could have made that a tad more clear IMO. See, I thought Rachel was a lot younger and…ahhhh, forget it, I’m not getting into yet another timeline dissection, as it’s so fouled up at this point that it doesn’t really matter anymore. Special thanks to billytheskink for clarifying the Rachel Act II timeline yesterday, never an easy task where FW is concerned. If this is a pre-time jump flashback it means that Rachel has been working at Montoni’s for a minimum of seventeen years, which is both sad and hilarious.

Apparently the “jokes” here are a) Ed’s standard malapropisms and b) Rachel doesn’t know how to bowl. Hee-f*cking-larious. Please, someone sedate me before I break a rib by laughing too hard. Or, in lieu of that, I’ll just read this strip again a few times. Crankshaft never fails to not amuse me and today he keeps his perfect record intact. The device has not yet been invented that can adequately measure how little I care about Ed Crankshaft and his merry band of infinitely patient dimwits. And if these are the kinds of punchlines I’m missing by ignoring CS, I’m even happier that I pretend it doesn’t exist. You can do it too, BTW…it’s easy.

TFH sez: To help you keep up with the crossover…here’s a link to today’s Crankshaft.

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Listless

Link To Today’s Strip

Every so often The BanMan throws one at you that just leaves you completely befuddled. I THINK that’s Wally, Rachel, Tony and Funky in that photo although I’m not 100% certain about that. I had to Google “Margo Lanes” and sure enough, Margo Lane was a character in an old-timey 1940’s serial, “The Shadow”. Surely there are four or five still-living people that might get that gag, although the odds on them also being FW readers are, uh…fairly slim, I’d say.

“Why was everyone wearing Santa hats…?”…I’m just gonna go way out on a limb here, Jess, but I’m guessing it was because it was CHRISTMAS TIME, which would be the most logical reason. Good thing she isn’t a detective, huh? I have no earthly idea where this could be going (other than “nowhere”) although “the gang at Montoni’s starts a bowling team” would probably be as good a guess as any. It’s also pretty obvious that Jess is spending WAY too much time in that pizza place too. Where have you gone, Boy Lisa? A boring strip turns its yawning eyes to you.

Wally Oop

Sunday’s strip is a rare denouement, which I don’t think is in the Batominc employee handbook glossary. And look at the abs on Wally!

Rachel, apparently, awoke one day from uneasy dreams to find herself transformed into a blonde. That transformation appears to be permanent. Rachel has always been blonde. The Ministry of Truth is, no doubt, busy “correcting” the miscolored representations of her that may have appeared in the past. We have always had a blonde Rachel, just as we have always been at war with Oceania, because shut up!

There’s just one thing I don’t understand. They’re openly discussing their shared happiness in the open, without a lead ceiling or even an iron coconut to shield their thoughts from the malevolent Universe.

Oh, wait! Now I get it! “The Universe” is a local malevolent entity that terrorizes Westview and calls itself “The Universe” to assuage its crippling inferiority complex.

Stay in Nondescript Tropical Beach, Wally, Blonde Rachel Character Unit, and Buddy! Stay away from Westview, now, and forever!

Here endeth my stint as your guest snarker. Epicus Doomus is up next, with my sympathies. Let’s just say that less is more, if you receive my meaning.