Tag: snow

A Jarr-ing Announcement

Cindy and Mason’s reason for visiting Westview during the time around the winter solstice that is celebrated by certain faiths and cultures but not by others and all of these people are okay so please don’t sue the school board* is perhaps more clear in today’s strip.

Yes, she’s now engaged to a big Hollywood picture star and has come back to Westview to rub it in the face of her schlubby ex-husband at the very pizzeria he refused to leave in order to remain with her. Or maybe she hasn’t come back to rub it in and is just appallingly tone-deaf to how this looks to every person on the planet with common manners.

The real story today, though, is the mug on Cindy’s finance…

– I propose that every joke ever written about someone asking a horse “why the long face?” be modified to replace the horse with Mason Jarr.

– Mason Jarr once voiced an animated banana in a Dole commercial. Test audiences thought it was live-action.

– If you order Ronco’s 25 piece cutlery set in the next 20 minutes, you receive Mason Jarr’s face for free (just pay processing and handling).

– If Mason Jarr is seen in profile at an airport, he is confiscated by the TSA.

– When Mason Jarr played football, he would borrow Tony Zendejas’ helmet in a vain effort to better protect his chin.

* Also, kudos to principal Nate Green for supplying me with the student handbook-approved terminology for this time of year.

Thy king-dumb come

Oh, theres no place like Westview for the holidays
‘Cause no matter how you read today’s strip
When you pine for the weather of decent days
For the holidays, you’d best avoid the trip

I met a couple who lives in Hollywood
They were headin’ for, Ohio, and some awful pizza pie
From Ohio, folks aren’t travelin’ too quickly or too far
From Garfield Heights to Brunswick, gee, the traffic’s nonexistent

Oh, there’s no place like Westview for the holidays
‘Cause no matter if you’ve moved away high or low
If you want to be happy in any little ways
For the holidays, it’s best to just not go

A Harry Little Christmas

Today’s strip, and this whole past week really, is brought to you by the letter Y.

As in why did this happen? Why are so many things explosively offensive in Westview? Why did no one at the syndicate read this before allowing it to be printed? Why did TB decide that Nate should suddenly become Carl Moss, except without the humor or incisive commentary on modern American public school administration? Why is there not even an attempt at a punchline in today’s strip? Why are there so few notes in the opening of “I’m Dreaming Of A Rainbow Holiday”? Why is the allegedly retired Harry Dinkle at the high school? Why hasn’t Lefty changed the locks to the band room? Why, if all music is sacred to Harry, do attempts to censor it not bother him? Why would I rather listen to an Elmo and Patsy record for 24 consecutive hours than continue asking “why” questions about this comic strip?

Boondock Nates

Hey, did you like this joke on Tuesday? How about Wednesday? Thursday? Today is the fourth verse, same as the first. I swear that today’s strip is properly linked, and that you aren’t looking at one of the earlier strips from this week. “Seriously?” Lefty asks? Seriously Mrs. Howard, seriously.

A more valid concern about “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” for Nate is that Pa Winkerbean might start singing it during the performance. OK, that’s not really fair of me, because at this point I’d welcome that happening in any of this week’s strips.  Anything to break this up, even a joke TB obviously repurposed from a Crankshaft draft.

You know, I just saw this strip in the dictionary next to “slog”. Whoever’s footprints those are in the snow in panel 2, headed away from this den of insipidity… I envy you. I truly do.

Blackburn Ordinances

Today’s strip is a serious reach. I mean, given that this is a band Holiday Concert I assume this is all instrumental, can’t Lefty just alter the program to say “The Christmas Song”, as us beady-eyed nitpickers (and everyone who bought a Christmas record ever) know to be the true title of “Chestnuts Roasting”?

Not that I expected this gag to match some absurd reality in Ohio, but for what it is worth, the Ohio EPA’s open burning regulations allow for “barbeques, campfires, and cookouts” provided these conditions are met:
– Wood stack no larger than 2 ft. high x 3 ft. wide.
– Use clean, seasoned firewood or equivalent.

Nothing that would prevent roasting chestnuts, of course. Also, big kudos to the Ohio EPA for titling their pamphlet on how your local fire department needs to be involved should you decide to raze a structure you own using fire “Burning Down the House: How Your Fire Department Can Do it Properly”.