Westview High School – Page 39

Prisoners of the Lost Universe

This is a good example of what I mentioned yesterday–the majority of “stories” in this strip are people complaining about something without being specific in their complaints. “X stinks, man.” “Yeah, X sure stinks.” “Good, we agree that X stinks. See you tomorrow.” “Not if I’m lucky, you won’t!” (smirk) (smirk)

If you look at the dialogue in this strip (sorry to make you read it again) you could replace the word “hazing” with anything, and nothing would change. Smoking. Drinking. Farting. Reading comic books. Reading Funky Winkerbean. Try it; it actually makes the strip enjoyable. Is Tom Batiuk crediting his readers with already knowing what “hazing” is, or does he just not care?

Well, let’s see, here’s a strip with Becky and Dinkle chatting. I left it blank what they’re chatting about…time to turn on the news! Say, this story about hazing sounds good!

Today, Dinkle throws out “Stockholm Syndrome” with no clarification and again, it could be that Tom Batiuk credits his readers with enough intelligence to know what Stockholm Syndrome is…or it could just be the case that he threw it in, knowing it would make him sound smart.

It doesn’t really seem appropriate for a ~~story~~ vague chat about “hazing” though–while there have been some recent horrible stories about hazing, in those cases the hazee didn’t immediately turn around and defend those who had wronged him. Nope, in the case I heard about, police and the courts got involved and the ending was not pretty.

I would say that particular incident might have started as hazing, but quickly turned into abuse, and abuse is another matter entirely that I don’t think anyone would find defensible (or funny). I should note that I’ve never experienced hazing from either end, but from what I understand it’s supposed to be a good-natured trial by fire endured to enter some club or another. You would never know what hazing is if you relied on this strip. Or Stockholm Syndrome for that matter.

We could see the effects of this hazing on a student (in a conversation with Becky), or actually see the hazing in question. But I’m going to put my money on “No, we won’t.” The rest of the week will be like today:

Two people having a nothing conversation. Has Tom Batiuk been held prisoner by the forces of mediocrity so long that he now believes them to be his only friends, his guiding lights?

Art-wise, it’s eerie how Becky almost morphs into the gal in the second panel. Same height, nearly same expression, just further left in the pane. It’s such an odd thing to look at that it has to be deliberate. I assume that he just doesn’t scribble stuff down and be done for the day, but I may be mistaken!

You Can’t Spell “Dinkle” without “DIE”

Link to today’s strip.

Greetings, folks, BChasm back for another stint. Thanks to HeyItsDave for a splendid performance. And here we go–

Oh good, we’re about to be lectured about how awful hazing is, without being shown (or told about) any of it, so the week will be two people discussing something without defining it. And before you ask, I have not peeked ahead; it’s just the way these things are always dealt with. Hazing, bullying, class rings, Hollywood, Crazy Harry’s Happy Dance…you name it, and Tom Batiuk will tell you how bad it is without a single word “why.”

I cannot imagine why Batiuk keeps bringing back Dinkle. I know that he personally loves the character and thinks he’s a font of wisdom and humor, but he is neither. And Batiuk can’t be using him as a sop to the folks who read Act I; the character has been turned into something repellent, second only to the odious Les. I suppose, like Les, it’s tempting to think of him as a defiant middle finger thrust at his critics, but man what a waste of energy.

The good part of today’s strip is panel three–it looks like age has finally caught up with Harry Dinkle and he’s about to dissolve away before our very eyes.

I’m kidding of course; even if that were to happen, we’d only hear about it through other people discussing it, and we’d never see a single frame for ourselves. By Grabthar’s Hammer, what a moment to cherish.

And Then Along Came Jones

Link to today’s strip.

Yesterday, I posited that we wouldn’t see any of the strip’s promised action. Well, I guess Tom Batiuk sure showed me! Though I, in turn, would like him to explain Chullo’s remark. How many graduations has he been to, exactly?

I sure hope Mr. Director Man–whose name I do not believe we’ve been given–is prepared to shoot this scene over and over again. If you want a crowd of people running in terror, you don’t want your extras looking like they’re having a fun time. Kinda undercuts what you’re trying to achieve. So for take two, Mr. Director Man, you should tell the crowd to look frightened.

Technically, though, you’re not allowed to talk to the extras, Mr. Director Man. That’s the job of the assistant director; in fact, if a director “directs” an extra–even something like “Hey, you! Get off the set!”–that extra now moves up to become a paid player. Yet another thing to add to the “Tom Batiuk knows nothing about how movies are made” column.

This 24/7/365 Starbuck Jones obsession clearly shows that Tom Batiuk has lost all interest in both of his comic strips. I don’t know why he continues with Funky Winkerbean or Crankshaft–the paycheck, I guess, and the chance to win an award for longevity. There certainly have not been any stories that engaged him that don’t involve Starbuck Jones. The “senior trip” thing recently was an embarrassment, something he felt he had to get out of the way so he could get back to Starbuck Jones. Before that, it was a week of Wedgeman’s class ring. Obviously stuff that a “high school strip” needs, but interesting to no one.

The problem is, as I’ve mentioned before, Tom Batiuk is self-aware enough to know that he doesn’t have the talent to do Starbuck Jones. This is why we’ve never seen Starbuck Jones doing anything in the strip, other than “appearing.” When he had the vintage serial arc, we saw practically nothing of the film but we sure had a lot of people jabbering over it. When a comic book cover is required, someone else draws it. Tom Batiuk has written or drawn nothing of significance regarding Starbuck Jones.

So, aware that if he tried it, he would ruin it, I imagine Tom Batiuk would hire people to write and draw Starbuck Jones. Oh, he would be the editorial supervisor, and make suggestions and create new characters and so forth. In other words–

He would be Brady Wentworth.

Given Mr. Batiuk’s record on wrapping things up quickly, well…I haven’t seen tomorrow’s entry, but it would not surprise me one bit if it’s something like this–

Bear in mind, this is one day after filming in a high school auditorium. Yes, it’s unlikely, but…can you prove that it won’t happen?

That’s it from me, folks! Tune in tomorrow when the fantastic Epicus Doomus takes the center seat. Back to the funway, which is already in progress!

Explosions, Smoke and Chaos (Oh My!)

Link to today’s strip.

I’ll take a guess that we won’t see any of those explosions, smoke and chaos. Heck, we’ve been told about them, isn’t that enough for our ungrateful little hearts?

I still can’t imagine what a high school graduation ceremony has to do with a space adventure film. I guess that’s a failure on my part, because Pete Rossini is such a great writer that he never writes terrible things. He wrote The Amazing Mr. Sponge, for God’s sake! That’s as awesome as you can get without crushing someone’s windpipe.

It’s hard not to notice how the whole Starbuck Jones keeps diminishing. First, it was an epic space adventure with a hero who flew to alien worlds with his robot side-kick. There were aliens and death capsules and an octo-shark. It looked like it might be something…fun. Entertaining. Something expansive and open for adventure, like the Star Trek universe.

Then it started shrinking. Shooting in Cleveland? Well…okay, some CGI overlays could make it appear futuristic. A present-day school bus in a scene? By accident, and the director wants to keep it? Um, well, I dunno…

And now we’re shooting a contemporary graduation ceremony. That seems to have done it–Starbuck Jones has been brought down to earth.

Should the Starbuck Jones movie ever see the light of day, it will consist of Starbuck and Jupiter sitting on the couch watching TV. They’ll be dressed the way suburbanites dress today. They won’t say a word to each other, and we’ll never get a look at what they’re watching. And it’ll go on for two hours.

Or, you know, it might be something fantastic.

That seems to be the consistent nature of Funky Winkerbean: lower your expectations. No, no, lower than that. Holly travels to complete Cory’s comic book collection. Will she learn to wheel-deal, develop her killer instincts? Nope, people will just hand them to her. A Funky-Dick Tracy crossover? Oh cool, maybe shoot-outs and a murder! Nope, Dick and Sam will haul boxes of comic books. And now Starbuck Jones is taking place at Westview High.

I will give the strip this: it has really taught me the limits of my imagination. Every time a story begins, I posit that it will be the dullest, least-creative thing I can imagine. And I’m always wrong.

“Remember, You’re All Going to Die”

Link to today’s strip.

So here we are on graduation day, and Mason’s speech is…really something. You could paste Les’ head in panel one and it would sound perfect coming from him. No wonder Mason was frightened. He certainly looks miserable now…I can kind of see the scene:

Mason (dour): I don’t know why I agreed to give the speech. I only have a few hours to prepare/I don’t see any bent nails anywhere/What can I say that will make them care?/I’ll be out in front of everyone, bare. [Sorry about that–BC] This is going to be a disaster. I have no idea what I should say.

Les (smirking): I have just the thing. (hands over a sheaf of paper)

Mason (greatly relieved): Great! (reads)

Mason (In a very, very small voice): Oh.

Welcome to Westview, Mason. You are now officially part of the Great Circle of Death. Hakuna Matata!

On a much happier note, Chullo and Glasses are graduating! That means we’ll never have to see them again! Can I get a “Hell yeah!”? Oh and Alex too! (Didn’t recognize her in all that white.)

Does Tom Batiuk realize he has no more student characters? Oh sure, there was…uh, Bernie? And…Paige? It was Paige wasn’t it? Yeah, those characters were sure fleshed out and ready to take center stage. Oh, and the Color-Change twins! Who could forget them? Other than me, I mean.