Tag: WHS Scapegoats

The Running of the Bull

Hello there, fellow snarkers! HeyItsDave here, back from hiatus with more Funky Felt Tip adventures.

Yesterday, the leaves in town were falling as fast as Funky’s hair, hopefully without leaving some kind of nasty clog that Holly will have to dig out of the sink trap later. And falling leaves in Funky Winkerbean always mean that we’ll be segueing into some kind of melodramatic tale of woe.

I was really hoping that this week was going to stay focused on Frankie and Lenny. They’re like the Funkyverse version of Pokemon’s Team Rocket – all nefarious and blackhearted and always tripping over their own goddamn feet. But no, today we’re back in Westview to watch Bull Bushka descend into concussion-induced madness. What is it with T-Bats and autumn, anyway? Seems like as soon as the foliage turns he starts obsessing about decay and death. And maybe domestic abuse, given Linda’s face in panel three.

Speaking of decline, is Tommy farming out some of the drawing duties here? I detect a distinct stylistic difference between the way background extras are usually drawn and the way this crowd is rendered.

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Gee Quiz

September’s a good time for Batiuk to revisit the place where the Funkiverse began: the high school classroom. We’ve seen the original Westview students grow into middle age, and some of them become teachers to the students who succeeded them. Now that Cody and Owen have finally graduated (and seemingly vanished), TB must come up with “fresh” teen characters to serve as foils for the insufferable Mr. Moore. So far all he’s come up with is the blonde mannequin Logan Church, seen in the last panel giving side-eye to Bernie Silver, who seems to be an amalgam of Owen’s clueless slacker and Cody’s dark hair and glasses.

It’s been a privilege bringing you the snark for the last couple weeks, folks. Billytheskink steps in for the next fortnight. Stay Funky, y’all!

Goat Cheese

Link to today’s strip

For two whole weeks BanTom teased the possibility of Bull being stricken with a serious medical malady but, as usual, it turned out to be less than nothing. Today he’s back on the sidelines, cracking wise about how shitty his football team is. I guess the Scapegoats recent run of (relative) success never happened either. FW has reached a point where you don’t even need to read it to know what’s “going on”, so to speak. Same old, same old. Plus Les is still around for some reason, apparently just to annoy everyone for no real reason. Again, same old, same old.

And that’s it for me, stay tuned for the legendary founder of SoSF, TF Hackett, as he takes the wheel for what promises to be a whole lot of glacially-paced nothingness!

Someone, Please…Make It Stop

Link to today’s crime against comedy strip

Wow, talk about a gag that got stuck to the bottom of the wastebasket under the liner and was only discovered now. A fitting end for a truly terrible and extremely stupid arc. Why even have long-running gags if you’re not even going to try to make them funny? “Wide asleep” sounds like something a roundtable of seven year-olds might come up with during a giggle fit after a few swigs of Mountain Dew. Just mind-bogglingly terrible. I don’t know how cashing checks for “writing jokes” this awful is even possible (or legal). Just remember this abomination the next time you’re reading one of those puff-piece interviews in “Parade” or the Plains Dealer regarding that Pulitzer nomination.

Special thanks to TFH and the rest of the SoSF staff for their tips, support and of course the opportunity to guest host the WWW’s premier FW snark blog, bar none. And special thanks to you, the snark brigade, who never fail to find the humor in these daily turds. Sometimes trying to find anything remotely “funny” about this strip is like trying to start a fire in a monsoon with some soggy matches and wet paper towels. I don’t know how TFH has done it for all those years, after that band camp thing and this football crap I’m just about ready to reach for the vodka and Xanax. Anyone can riff on Les talking to his dead wife’s ghost, but it takes a special sort of snarker to tackle, say, “Funky names his car”, for example. Excuse me, as I must now go and hit myself in the head with a brick until I purge the last two weeks of this strip from (what’s left of) my brain.

Until next time….stay Funky!

ESP…(ZZZZZZZZ)

Link to today’s strip

It took me a second to decipher this one, then I rued losing the precious second of my ever-shortening life I just foolishly wasted on that truly idiotic joke. The Scapegoats are so woefully uneducated and stupid that they fail to realize their coach is a brainless buffoon, instead choosing to believe that perhaps the other team is using “extra-sensory” powers to discern the Goats “game plan”, as it were. As if Coach Bushka’s “game plan” involved anything more than frustrated eye-rolling and exasperated put-downs. And pizza…lots and lots of pizza. But you already knew that last part, amirite?

Sticking with that theme, perhaps the Goats are just not properly motivated Westviewian-style. Maybe during their next game he could have an (unpaid) assistant stand in the end zone with a Montoni’s pie and a stack of old comic books from the pre-WWII era. I’d bet you that would light a fire under Bull’s pathetic squad, right?