Just Ignore Tom, He Can’t Help Himself

Link to today’s strip

What a perfect way to ring in a new year of FW: a bunch of completely pointless idiotic babbling that makes less sense every time you read it. I’m assuming that this is supposed to be yet another riff on “the parents just don’t understand”, I guess. Or maybe the fumes from all those felt tips gave The Author the (mistaken) impression that this a) makes sense and b) features humor (that Rocky drawing in panel two nonwithstanding). That studio clearly needs better ventilation, because this is the nonsensical jabbering of a madman. A really boring madman. I honestly have no idea what’s going on here and I’ve already wasted precious seconds of 2014 trying to figure it out. So on to the “huh?” pile it goes, perhaps future generations will be able to decipher it with better technology or something.

8 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

8 responses to “Just Ignore Tom, He Can’t Help Himself

  1. “Or just treat her with thinly veiled contempt, the way I do.”

  2. Gyre

    Can’t say when myself, I can’t get the NJ site to load the strip (or anything else).

  3. I love the way Funky is desultorily shoveling spoonfuls of crap into his maw in panel one. Being the “star” of a Tom Batiuk comic strip, elegantly and precisely stated.

  4. Gyre

    Damn, looks like yet another script the NJ site forces you to allow just to read their comics now.
    Well, only thing really of note is whether or not fellow soldiers in the same unit actually can date.

  5. O.B. Dan

    @ Epicus Doomus – you’re pretty close on your military grades. There’s two grades of private under a PFC, which has a pay grade of – E3! Nowadays it’s Specialist and/or Corporal, each of them with an E4 paygrade. The path there depends on what you’re doing.

    So, to sum up – “Corporal Cory” ain’t happ’nin’…

  6. Epicus Doomus

    O.B. Dan: It’s pretty damn hilarious how Cory…the chronic ne’er-do-well himself…is not only skyrocketing through the ranks but has also met the woman of his dreams: a wry, smirking comma-eyed woman with a deep passion for Starbuck Jones comics and coyly-delivered non sequiturs. By the same time next year General & Mrs. Winkerbean will be dining on Montoni’s finest offerings after the big ticker tape parade thrown in his honor for single-handedly defeating the entire Taliban while saving Rocky from their clutches, as a dejected Wally looks on sullenly, wondering where it all went wrong.

  7. Charles

    Compare the sizes of Funky’s and Cory’s heads in panel one. Not only is Cory’s head about half the size of Funky’s and smaller than an infant’s, it’s this weird kidney-shaped horror.

    Anyway, speaking of Batiuk being unable to help himself. He had to put lines under Rocky’s eyes. She couldn’t be pretty, no, nor could she have the physical vitality that a young woman serving in the army most certainly would have. No, she’s all haggard and tired-looking, looking as if she’s going on fifty when she probably hasn’t even hit twenty yet. Batiuk couldn’t help it. He has to make her look sad, downtrodden and doughy, no matter what her circumstances are.

  8. This has become the first comic strip with worse-looking food than Mary Worth. Also the Winkerbeans have shoveled sand into the dining room to make the soldiers feel more at home. If you can tear your horrified gaze from Cory’s misshapen—er—bean and Holly’s terrifying Moai head, you’ll see that the part of Rocky in panel 2 is inexplicably portrayed by Cher.

    Cher, ladies & gentlemen!