by Epicus Doomus | January 17, 2017 · 10:31 pm

Funky Winkerbean: The Anchor, Man

All that time he spent defusing bombs and dodging death over in Afghanistan didn’t do a whole lot for Cory’s cognitive thinking abilities, as he appears to be considering including Funky in some sort of relay race deal, which is a bit like entering an obese donkey in the Kentucky Derby. I liked old Cory better, at least he wasn’t just another predictable Pollyanna do-gooder with a dumb grin on his face 100% of the time. Now though…ugh. If the guy was any more bland he’d be completely invisible.

16 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

Tagged as Akron, Cory, Funky, jogging, Les, Rocky

16 responses to “Funky Winkerbean: The Anchor, Man”

spacemanspiff85

January 17, 2017 at 10:36 pm

That look is “fuck you for mentioning a race other than Lisa’s”.
beckoningchasm

January 17, 2017 at 11:09 pm

Let me guess the SHOCKING TWIST ENDING: they lose the relay race because of Funky.
Gerard Plourde

January 17, 2017 at 11:25 pm

Well now I’m confused. Running a relay during a marathon? Isn’t the point of a marathon for the runner to complete the entire thing him/herself?
billytheskink

January 17, 2017 at 11:29 pm

Cory and Rocky must really lack for friends if they’re trying to rope Funky and Les into… well, this marathon thing of course, but anything, really.

The smirks where Les’ mouth retreats into his mustache are the worst smirks of all.
Epicus Doomus

January 18, 2017 at 1:59 am

I’ve gone on at length about this before but it drives me insane how no one mentions Cory’s dramatic personality change, ever. Imagine if Summer came home from KSU with butt implants, a boob job and hair extensions or Wally became a motivational speaker, the change in Cory is just as radical. Yet no one seems to notice or think it’s remarkable in any way, but how could they not?
ian'sdrunkenbeard

January 18, 2017 at 2:24 am

“We want you to man a water station!”
Paul Jones

January 18, 2017 at 3:38 am

@Epicus Doomus: For all of his hatred of the army itself for the four dead in Ohiiiiiiiio, Batiuk seems to think that joining up is a quick fix for jerkishness.
Rusty

January 18, 2017 at 7:53 am

I can only guess who is running as a relay team in the actual Akron marathon (if there is one) this year. Why does Les get more physically imposing each year while his classmates balloon and get shorter?
bobanero

January 18, 2017 at 8:42 am

There’s a lot of money to be made by cutting and pasting the image of Les’ face from today’s comic, putting it on a poster, and selling to firing ranges everywhere.
TFHackett

January 18, 2017 at 9:25 am

The Akron Marathon Team Relay is the largest 5-person team relay event in the country with 6,500 participants. This event follows the same course as the marathon, but breaks down the distance into five legs. Team members must pass a slap bracelet to one another at each relay exchange zone. Team members can join the Finisher Festival on-field at Canal Park Stadium to celebrate as their final team member crosses the finish line!

So the “relay” is a thing at the Akron Marathon, but the teams consist of five members, not four, and from the looks of the Funkman it’s doubtful he could handle even his 5.24 mile portion.
$$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$

January 18, 2017 at 9:26 am

Are those two in the military, still? Shouldn’t they be prepping to go fight the trade wars in China for the Russian-American empire?
beckoningchasm

January 18, 2017 at 10:03 am

Look at the sheer wasted size in Cory’s word balloon. Yeah, sure, he writes all this stuff a year in advance.
Bill

January 18, 2017 at 2:12 pm

Holy crap! That couple is Cory and Rocky? I had no idea.
Amy K

January 18, 2017 at 3:38 pm

So why is Cory looking at two obvious non-athletes for his Marathon relay team?
Flunky doesn’t look as if his shape has improved and since he barely survived the Lisa’s Legacy Fun Run. Sure he’s working out at the gym now, but hardly enough to justify his apparent 5000- calorie diet.
bobanero

January 18, 2017 at 3:44 pm

I think Cory and Rocky were discharged from the Army, which is why they’ve been in Westview for however long they’ve been there. Of course, we have no idea what they’re doing with themselves. I guess Cory can be the backup dishwasher and Rocky can be the backup waitress at Montoni’s.

Some friendly advice to the author: If you’re going to have a strip that features a bunch of familiar characters with ongoing story lines – FOLLOW THE FUCKING CHARACTERS. We don’t give a shit what Cliff and Vera are doing, we want to know what happened to all the missing children. When’s the last time Summer made an appearance other than to smirk at Les? YEARS!!! Crazy’s kids? MIA. Rachael’s kid? LOST IN THE CORN FIELD. Stop your Starbuck Jones obsession and get back to your roots.
batgirl

January 18, 2017 at 5:01 pm

Were the missing kids written out because none of them turned out to be comic book fans? Or did they get their grubby kid-fingers all over the comics while the Adult Males were trying to enjoy their milk and cookies without interruption?