I Don’t Want Candy

If yesterday’s strip depicting Mort and his walker (hey! Mort Walker!) going door to door to sell candy yesterday was not heartbreaking enough, here’s poor Carl pushing around his oxygen tank. Anyone opening their door to this sight would be overcome pity, but this Westview resident is fed up after years of Dinkle’s interminable fundraisers and decides she’s gonna take it out on Carl. “Whopperjawed” sounded to me like some kind of Willy Wonka reference (think “everlasting gobstopper“), but according to Google it’s a word meaning “crooked or askew”. Between the nonsensical punchline and the cruelty of sending nursing home residents out to hawk candy, this is FW at its unfunniest.

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13 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

13 responses to “I Don’t Want Candy

  1. Epicus Doomus

    The elderly and band candy fundraising schemes: BanTom thinks they go together like chocolate and raisins but it’s really more like ice cream and peas. The oxygen hose really is sort of a cruel touch, too. Hopefully he doesn’t start combining other things he loves, like cancer and jogging or comic books and obesity, or things could go even more downhill even faster.

  2. billytheskink

    Freeze Frame-era Seth Justman is thoroughly annoyed with this band candy business, and who can blame him? He wrote #1 hit “Centerfold” and got it recorded without pestering his friends and neighbors to buy terrible, overpriced food.

  3. Didn’t Dinkle somehow make his own Sousa mix CD for his wedding anniversary? And he has lost this ability?

    And wasn’t the last band fund-raising arc about hawking Dinkle’s damned memoirs–in hardcover?

    You know, I kind of liked the new guy’s artwork. It seemed professional and an honest attempt to be consistent.

    Sure seems like, from that gawdawful face in panel two, that a memo came down. “Were you born stupid, Rick, or did you study? Do NOT try to improve on my legacy of terrible, dashed-off art. I’ve got your latest paycheck here. Do you want it to be your last paycheck?”

  4. Epicus Doomus

    If he’d set this up with a premise like “OMG Dinkle has gone off the deep end and has the old folks going door to door selling band candy!” there might be some comedic potential there. But alas, Act III Dinkle is no more than an intensely annoying old dink who alternates between being an imbecile and being a dick from panel to panel and this premise is “old people selling band candy” and nothing more. It isn’t funny unless there’s a funny reason they’re doing it and “raising funds to make a CD” isn’t funny at all. Even a disgruntled WHS student being forced to sell band candy is funnier than having a sickly elderly person who’s confined to an assisted living facility doing it. It’s sad and sort of sick, this band candy obsession is rapidly going from annoying to weird and perhaps it’s time for ol’ TB to consider moving on from that whole thing.

  5. Oh, this is simply beyond the pale. Batiuk’s idea of what’s amusing has clearly mutated into something that should be banned by the Geneva Convention.

  6. Rusty Shackleford

    @TFH. Did you read the rest of BattyBlog? He actually thinks his work is culture.

    Is Comics Kingdom hosted in Westview? It’s been down since 3am. (I worked the night shift.)

  7. sgtsaunders

    “Whopperjawed.” Reckon where Bats found such a lively random word generator

  8. @Rusty Shackleford: I’m a faithful reader of Batiuk’s official FW blog; in fact I’ve set up a “robot” at changedetection.com that sends me an email whenever TB posts an update. Which these days is a couple of times a week…When TB launched his blog (probably on the advice of whoever designed this website) he’d post only sporadically. Now he uses it regularly, to regurgitate stake John Darling strips, drum up interest in yet another Lisa’s Story volume, and to rhapsodize about Silver Age Flash comics.

  9. Jimmy

    When Dinkle is doing a 3-to-5 stretch for his crimes in a couple of years, what will he have his prison band going cell-to-cell hawking to raise money?

  10. spacemanspiff85

    Batiuk really does seem to just despise old people. I mean, he has an entire strip dedicated to making fun of them. Which is odd, because he is one.
    And here’s the thought process behind this week:
    “I want to do band candy jokes. Even though I’ve already done multiple weeks of them and it’s not even halfway through the year yet. Aw, crap, it’s summer. Um, I guess I could have the nursing home band out selling candy for some stupid reason.”
    *looks around the room, sees a CD*
    “What the hell, let’s have them make a CD and have to sell candy for it.”
    *runs the imaginary bases*

  11. bigd1992

    “Whopperjawed” is actual Ohio speak. My inlaws are from Columbus and say that frequently

  12. Will “whopperjawed” be in the Batiuktionary?