Boy Howdy

Link to today’s strip

A female FW character talking about playing a strong female comic book character in a movie. Oh my, that’s just priceless, especially when it’s a female FW character with all the emotional strength of a lost puppy with its head caught in a sewer grate. An alarmingly delicate and naive waif who’s built like a Wheat Thin…maybe that’s Cartoon Conan’s type but sorry there BanTom, you blew the chance to create a buxom marriage-ruining boffo box-office sex vixen movie star character right around when you had this one trying to kill herself over seeing a candid picture of herself kissing Mason Jarre on the cheek. It’s too late to go back now, so have Cartoon Conan put it back in his pants.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “Boy Howdy

  1. spacemanspiff85

    This is yet another in the long line of Batiuk’s strips where I think “maybe this will piss off enough people to get his strip cancelled”. Hasn’t happened yet, but I can dream.

  2. billytheskink

    Phone conversation from last July.

    King Features: “Hello?”
    TB: “Hey, it’s Tom. Just working on next year’s strips. You’re gonna love ’em, the Starbuck Jones movie trailer hits Comic-Con with a ton of fanfare and I bought Burchett a book on drawing celebrity caricatures for the occasion. Anyways… Conan O’Brien, he’s like Bob Hope, right?”
    KF: *click* *dial tone*
    TB: “That’s what I figured, thanks. Let’s talk in a couple of weeks about bringing a couple more Lisa collections to the KSU Press.”

  3. the dreamer

    what do you want to bet that when Conan hosts his show live from Comic Con for real next week in San Diego, that one of his guests will be TomBat himself! the couch time being a quid pro quo for his getting put in this week’s strips

  4. “Personally, I thought you made ‘Slave Leia’ look like a boy!” Oh, yeah, blonde Conan, totally

  5. “Mr. Batiuk, why do you want to reach a 50th anniversary for Funky Winkerbean?”
    A long pause ensues.
    “Because it is there.”

    (Apologies to all those who have tried to scale Mount Everest.)

  6. Epicus Doomus

    TFH: It’s so laughable, he couldn’t possibly have botched the Marianne character more thoroughly or made her any less entertaining. Wholesome, Olive Oyl-esque in stature, practical no-nonsense haircut, all full of earnest sincere moxie…blech. She has all the “sex appeal” of an umbrella, it looks like she just woke up in that panel.

  7. Charles

    “Personally, I thought you made ‘Slave Leia’ look like a boy!” Oh, yeah, blonde Conan, totally…

    Jeez, that’s two days in a row where he trolled himself. I’m laughing again because he’s so inept and blind to his own decisions.

    Marianne has a boy’s haircut. She has a boy’s body. She dresses like a boy. She even behaves like the eleven year-old boy she resembles. Hell, she still lives with her mommy, for Christ’s sake.

    And yeah, that shapeless spacesuit she was always shown wearing sure was a major boner factory.

    Once again, we’re given evidence that Batiuk thinks the most beautiful women in the world look like boys.

  8. Great. Not only is he a weird-ass freak who’d be better off just admitting that he’s in NAMBLA, he’ll probably holler like he got a colonoscopy from Freddy Krueger when people start talking about respect for the dead.

  9. Rusty

    Seriously, this girl looks like Lisa after several rounds of chemo. I assume the new artist is competent, he just can’t reconfigure Batiuk’s characters into pleasing shapes.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    This is who Cindy is jealous of? Why?

    Instructions from Batty to new artists:

    Cindy must look like she is 20.
    Cayla can also be drawn feminine, but her skin tone is up to you.
    The rest of the older women must be fat and gender indeterminate.
    The rest of the young women must be drawn to look like teenage boys, but always, ALWAYS refer to them as being hot, and strong.

    And finally, keep your damn grubby hands off of my vintage comics. By the way, the milk and cookies are for me, so get back to work.

  11. billytheskink

    Seriously, this girl looks like Lisa after several rounds of chemo.

    For reference: Lisa (wearing a wig) after several rounds of chemo

  12. ian'sdrunkenbeard

  13. Hitorque

    Holy fuckin’ damn that art is horrible, especially in light of that WTF? punchline… Ugly face, unkempt hair, no makeup, an “E.T.” extend-o-neck… They should have cast Marianne as an alien instead…

    And I’ve got a number of issues with that punchline, but it is probably best for me to hold my tongue… I will thank Batiuk to never stain the name of Carrie Fisher (rip) by mentioning it in one of his low rent strips ever again.

  14. Comic Book Harriet

    A terrible strip compounded by absolutely terrible art. Apparently Blonde Anorexic Conan is sexually attracted to flesh-colored muppet people trying to hide a receding hairline under floppy uncombed bangs. Seriously, Marianne has a Peyton Manning style forehead under those bangs.

  15. Hitorque

    Is there an official SoSF name for this character archetype? Can we just start calling them “Raven Shorthairs” or something?

    Marianne Winters
    The one-arm band director (Becky?)
    Les’ daughter (Summer?)
    Cindy’s “boss” at
    Bull’s daughter maybe or is it his wife?
    That emo goth girl poet who praised the columbine killers
    Pete Rattabastardo
    Let’s just go on and throw that mook Bernie on the list, too
    How many others are there??

    Random fun fact: When I was a little kid I used to think Les was at least half black because of his Afro helmet hair…

  16. Hitorque

    @Rusty: Which makes no sense whatsoever since we just saw 22-year-old Cindy who looks like a perfectly decent woman of moderate attractive properties… So making Marianne some kind of gender-neutral androgynous whatever is just straight up weird.

  17. Hitorque

    Seriously, if Marianne almost killed herself because a couple of dudes on an internet forum said some not-so-nice things, how is she going to survive Comicon where the geeks always find something to criticize?

  18. @Hitorque: Is there an official SoSF name for this character archetype? Can we just start calling them “Raven Shorthairs” or something?…How many others are there??

    Kerry, Fred Fairgood’s daughter from his first marriage. I don’t know if those glasses disqualify her though.


    Wow. Great timing on this strip. More proof that nobody edits Funky Winkerbean.

    Many boys (and probably girls) my age had their first sexual stirrings from the late Ms Fisher. And she was the first strong female lead I ever encountered in the media. You can go fuck yourself, Tommy.

  20. The dreamer

    Conan needs to ask Mason if getying the part of Starbuck Jones helped him get over the emotional devastation of having his big dramatic role, playing Les Moore in Lisa’s Story” get canceled. 😀

  21. Rusty Shackleford


    True that!