O-H! I-ugh…

Today’s strip simply confirms what we’ve all known since Monday, that this movie premiere is going to take place at “that damn Crankshaft theater”.

And we can all blame Jeff Murdoch, a passive-aggressive sad-sack who has never managed to elicit sympathy from readers despite constantly suffering under his mother and father-in-law, two of the nastiest and most despicable characters to have ever graced the comics page. We can also blame Batiukverse Twitter, which waived its character limit to allow Jeff to convey the following information in a single tweet (maybe he typed this all up in Notes and tweeted a photo, which is still contemptible):

– His first and last name
– His location
– The fact that he was a member of the Starbuck Jones Junior Spaceman Fan Club when he was a kid
– That he saw the original Starbuck Jones serial at the then-new Valentine Theater
– That his son now owns the Valentine Theater
– And that he thinks it would be a good place to hold the premiere of the new Starbuck Jones movies.

Given all of that, I’m surprised he didn’t mention how movie tickets only cost $0.10 when he first saw the Starbuck Jones serial, or how much he misses voting for Robert Taft Sr., or how great his old LaSalle ran.

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21 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

21 responses to “O-H! I-ugh…

  1. Epicus Doomus

    I love how the director can just make totally asinine spur of the moment decisions about how to market the movie, like it was some sort of DIY project and not a huge-budgeted major studio production. Batom is so gutless, if he wanted to wallow in comic book nostalgia and do an arc about those crappy old SJ serials then why didn’t he just do that instead of creating this contrived mess? Do an arc about how awesome it was to see the SJ matinee show at the ol’ Valentine back in ’53, it isn’t like anyone’s going to read it anyway, so who the hell cares?

    • Hitorque

      I keep telling folks — It’s the Funkyverse Nepotism Mafia, which is THE most powerful force in the universe…

  2. spacemanspiff85

    One of the (many) most aggravating things, to me, about Batiuk’s writing is the way he stretches crap like this out, like he’s a master of suspense or something. Is there anyone who didn’t immediately see where this was headed on day one? More importantly, is there anyone who actually gives a crap about it?

    • Epicus Doomus

      He’s certainly the master of rehashing a premise for five days and calling it a “story”, of that there is no doubt.

      “Ohio.”
      “Ohio?”
      “Ohio.”
      “You want to debut the movie in Ohio?”
      “Yep, in Ohio.”
      “At the Valentine?”
      “In Ohio.”
      “Ohio!!!”

      He was a better “writer” when he had to come up with a corny gag every day. They should be AT the stupid Valentine already, not still aimlessly talking about the IDEA of having the premier there. But before you know it it’ll be Saturday and they’ll STILL be talking about it, followed by a week of that stupid Murdoch guy talking about how he’s thinking about agreeing to it followed by ANOTHER week of talking about how it’s a go. Then two years from now he’ll do a one week arc featuring everyone sitting around Montoni’s talking about how awesome the premier was and SJ will never be mentioned again.

  3. billytheskink

    Ohio, the killer in slasher flick that is Funky Winkerbean. The stuck-up blonde can run and run, but her escape is only temporary. Ohio is inevitable.

    Martin Johns is easily Harland Williams’ least entertaining role. I guess those Down Periscope royalty checks have dried up.

  4. The strip has fully progressed into “Wish fulfillment” mode. There’s nothing here that would interest anyone whose last name wasn’t “Batiuk” and whose first name didn’t start with “T”.

    Honestly, I feel sorry for him. He shifted his horse to the “awards” star and when that passed over, he didn’t know what to do. He was following the awards train, and when it left the station he just kept staring at the tracks. He discarded any luggage that might have anything of value in it, just so he could see where that train might be bound.

  5. bobanero

    OK, so you’re going to fly the cast and crew and all the PR people out to West Bumfuck Ohio to have the world premier of a new high profile science fiction movie in a decrepit theater because some geezer tweeted that he thought it would be a good idea, instead of just flying Jeff and his wife out to Hollywood for the premier, which would be much more cost effective and provide at least as big a publicity boost? That’s the Funkiverse for you.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      The last panel should have Cindy say ” Let’s have some fun with this idiot, tell him , yeah sure we’ll do it.”

      The director: indeed, let’s punk him

    • count of tower grove

      Cindy is telling Masone Jarre about Sonny Corleone.

  6. DOlz

    The movie I want to see is, “Funky Winkerbean, the movie”, written and directed by John Waters.

  7. I’d wondered which member of Batiuk’s Legion Of Entitled Sadsacks would accelerate the process of having Cindy dying in an alley, raving piteously about how she deserved to die a broken and forgotten shell of a woman because Entitled Sadsack Batiuk simply can’t get over not being BMOC. Having it be a character so mewlingly graceless and unsympathetic that he makes Les Moore look like Sir Galahad is adding insult to injury.

  8. Gerard Plourde

    I’m at a loss as to where to start. There’s nothing remotely plausible occurring in this arc.

  9. gleeb

    Maybe Noodly Jeff just tweeted a link to his Myspace page containing all that detail.

  10. Unless they’ve been talking about the tweet for several hours, the new artist needs to be fired. Yesterday it was daytime, today it’s night.

  11. Don

    Nothing new about this; there could be two premieres – one with the director and maybe some cast members in Ohio, and one for the A-listers to attend in Hollywood. Replace Centerville, OH with Springfield, VT, and that’s how The Simpsons Movie had two premieres.

  12. Comic Book Harriet

    @The Don. I agree that having a small premier in a ‘classic’ movie theater for nostalgia-milking pander-cheese isn’t out of the question.

    What is ridiculous is that DirectorMan got the idea via random tweet from stranger and not…you know…Masone and Cindye who WATCHED STARBUCK AT THE VALENTINE, probably less than a year ago in comics time, spurring the whole WHERE IS CLIFFE ANGERE plot.

  13. Professor Fate

    1) you know what would be funny. if the Director after say all this said. “I told him no. It’s a stupid idea. Only a comic book obsessed mad man would come up with something that lame”
    2) Cindy’s reaction seems the most honest, Ohio where her smirking ex lives and were all joy goes to die.

  14. Charles

    I’m sure all the incredibly busy Hollywood people who worked on the film and thus wanted to go to the premiere will be thrilled that they’ll have to arrange travel to Asshole, Ohio because director man changed the plan on a whim. I’m sure they’ll be especially thrilled when they find out just how stupid the premise is that he used to justify it.

    And since last week, we know that director man isn’t the movie’s producer, which means that, as people have noted before, Batiuk fucked up yet again when he thought that director man has any capacity to decide this.