You Can Check Out Any Time You Like….

Link To Today’s Strip

Poor, poor Bull. After a cuppa cawfee with the old Saint Louis Cardinals football team he sheepishly shuffled back to Westview in shame, condemned to the lowest fate of them all…becoming a small town high school gym teacher. Perhaps it was the multiple concussions, perhaps it was his inherent laziness, maybe it was his natural stupidity, but after the Cards let him go he just gave up, returned to his old high school, married the wryest woman in town and resigned himself to the fact that he was just a big fat failure, also known as “career path A” among Westviewian guidance counselors. He should get in touch with every other guy from his graduating class except Les and start a club.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “You Can Check Out Any Time You Like….

  1. For a strip that prides itself on being depressing, this is seriously depressing.

  2. billytheskink

    Bull never left Westview because he never tried. It can be done.

    – Cindy found work in New York, Cleveland, and California
    – Barry Balderman works at a trucking company or something, which we know is not one of Westview’s two employers
    – Derek and Junebug got married and obviously live somewhere else because that wedding did not take place at Montoni’s
    – Mary Sue Sweetwater obviously lives somewhere with restaurants other than Montoni’s
    – The old school computer is now in motion pictures
    – Livinia died on her way back to her home planet
    – Roland went to Africa and got his head blown off by Van Owen

    • countoftowergrove

      Talkin’ about the man. . .the eternal Thompson gunner still wandering through the night. . . Patty Hearst heard the burst of Roland’s Thompson gun and bought it.

    • Charles

      And since they’re not going to actually discuss WHY Bull never managed to leave Westview despite the fact that he swore he would do so, this is nothing more than empty pathos in a sad attempt to inject depth into Batiuk’s world.

      It’s kind of remarkable how often Batiuk has one of his characters say something that should provoke some kind of follow-up, but he never follows through. “‘Having trouble’ at school? Oh well, let me tell you about something that happened to me twenty five years ago that I was just randomly thinking about.”

    • Comic Book Harriet

      And that’s why Bull could never leave. If Bull left, Batty would forget he exists. Leaving Westview is the best way to disappear down the memory hole forever. Except for poor Cindy. Poor Cindy takes Westview with her wherever she goes and infects all she touches with it.

      “For within her Hell
      She brings, and round about her, nor from Hell
      One step no more then from herself can fly
      By change of place:” With apologies to Paradise Lost.

  3. bayoustu

    The new artist has quickly settled into a Funkyverse groove: 3 images of Bull, 3 different noses.

  4. countoftowergrove

    Is Buck morphing into Hank Hill?

  5. I remember the stupid retcon about Les being pissed that he never got to leave town either. It’s just Batiuk trying to have it both ways: being too chicken to want to leave his home but also with the need to bloviate about making his way in a world that scares him.

  6. Mason Jarr

    Shouldn’t it be “Cuppa Coffee?”

    He’s getting lazy..

  7. Hitorque


    And getting invited to training camp for a couple of weeks is NOT making the team…

    • Count of Tower Grove

      Indeed. Receipt of the cup of coffee is an entry in the Baseball Encyclopedia/MLB data base.

    • ian'sdrunkenbeard

      I wonder how many readers thought that Bull literally sat down and had a cup of coffee with the coach before he got cut? And players who have been cut have a Heidelberg scar?

  8. Rusty

    Well, Bull managed to steal a helmet at the free agent tryout camp.

    In my small hometown, the guys who peaked in high school are most likely to not want to get out of town, instead they stay and talk about glory days at the local dive bar. None of them wear a letter jacket once they reach middle age, however.

  9. bobanero

    Yes, Bull missed the opportunity to have more intense and frequent concussions than he actually did.

    Anyway, the Bull character is one of the more enigmatic characters in FW (and that’s a pretty high bar). He is simultaneously a terrible football player, a pro prospect, a dimwit, a certified physical therapist, a horrible coach, a championship winning coach, a cruel bully, and a softy.

    • ian'sdrunkenbeard

      I think Bull bought the helmet filled with ice cream at the concession stand.

      • Charles

        Don’t forget Huge Hulking Bully and Little Baby Short Man. Bull right now is noticeably the shortest male character in the Funkyverse, even though he was supposed to be a pro football prospect. I think Cayla and Summer are both taller than him, and if he weren’t a fat ass, they’d be larger than him as well.

        I’m also pretty sure that Bull was originally established as a lineman, and was very recently retconned as a running back because it allowed Batiuk to more easily glorify his days gone by, both with this blockhead guy now and when Dinkle brought him that videotape late last year.

        Also, if Bull really were a legitimate prospective professional athlete, there’s no way that unathletic putz Les could beat him at tennis, even twenty five years later.

  10. This is still less depressing than the string of pumpkin spice jokes going on in Crankshaft right now.

    • Comic Book Harriet

      I said yesterday that the joke was funny. I should have known that he would run it into the ground and bury it six feet under a pumpkin scented tombstone.

  11. Professor Fate

    Another typical FW character arch – try something when you are young, fail, give up and hole up in your old home town and wait to die. Somehow the consolation of bad pizza, comic books and milk and cookies given to you by creepy mother figure just doesn’t seem enough really.

  12. hitorque

    It’s funny because Bull has always had the power to leave whenever he wanted to, especially now in retirement… Scottsdale? Daytona Beach? Any of these ring a bell??

  13. Doghouse Reilly

    This is more depressing than Rhino Man Hocks His TV.