Link to Today’s Comic.

I guess Mort really does have Alzheimer’s. Or at least some kind of tragic memory disorder. Because no matter his prowess at identifying erogenous zones, I can’t imagine he would be getting much action in school in 1945, when most girls were hoping to make it to the altar untouched, and birth control was not nearly as accessible.

He also knows exactly nothing about bees. Bees don’t have kings. They have drones. Drones have no stingers. Have no fathers. And can only have sex once because the act of impregnating a queen rips out their guts. If they don’t find a virgin queen to go out with a bang, they are driven from the hive in autumn to die of starvation and cold.

But maybe he means he is more like a male Queen Bee. When a Queen Bee is born, it immediately fights in a highlander style battle to the death with all of her virgin queen sisters. A Surviving Queen Bee gets to have sex a few times, but all within a couple days, during swarming. Once her spermatheca is full, she will never have sex again. Instead she becomes the baby factory of a new hive, creating more than a thousand babies a day, every day, until she gets too old.

When she gets old she stops producing as much queen pheromone. She is then replaced by the workers in a procedure known as “supersedure”. Her sterile worker daughters will raise new queen larvae.

When a new queen becomes available, the workers kill the reigning queen by “balling” her, clustering tightly around her. Death through balling is accomplished by surrounding the queen bee and raising her body temperature, causing her to overheat and die.

So death from exposure, disembowelment during sex, sororicide, or being smothered to death by his own progeny; which would you like to see happen to Mort?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Supersedure

  1. erdmann

    Let’s go with that last option, especially if it results in a murder-suicide.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Yeah, please…somebody shoot Funky. Several times, just in case. This reads like something that would have been considered “racy” ninety years ago, although people back then never would have tolerated something this grotesque. I’m assuming that he was really hurting for ideas as he was wrapping up the 2018 strips, to say the least.

    I recall reading an article a while back about a retirement community in Florida with a reputation for “swinging” and a higher-than-normal STD rate, which was probably the genesis for this premise, unfortunately. I mean at least I hope it was, as it’d merely be indicative of regular Batom laziness and not something more disconcerting and weird.

  3. billytheskink

    Sorry Funky, your “good friend” Les put Plantman away for life.

  4. I haven’t read today’s strip yet, but just wanted to point out that CBH’s entry is once again far more interesting than Batiuk’s work could ever hope to be.

  5. Jesus wept. Mort is in assisted living; is there seriously a chance for an unwanted pregnancy?

    Decades ago, sure, with Les’ parents…but now?

  6. Paul Jones

    Does it have to be just Funky that gets shot? Like….couldn’t someone hire the mercenaries from Team Fortress 2 to kill the bloody lot of them?

  7. Gerard Plourde

    Well I’m baffled. It’s almost as if we’re witnessing some sort of fantasy wish-fulfillment of TomBa’s.

  8. Hannibal’s Lectern

    Watch the progression here. Fungi and Moron are changing into each other before our eyes. It’s like the picture of Dorisn Gray, and by the weekend I expect Fungi to be on life support in Bedside Manure, while ol’ Mort’s swingin’ away with hot high school cheerleader Holly (who will also reverse age even further).

  9. redsnifit

    Note to self: Don’t reincarnate as a bee.

  10. LTPFTR

    Is “all of them” an option? Because watching Mort die several times would be preferable to this.

  11. Over at the FW blog, Mr. Year Ahead of Time has been teasing a couple new characters who will figure in what will surely be another maddeningly incomprehensible story arc:

    “Another new character who will appear in Funky next year as a part of the story involving Ruby Lith, who has already made her appearance in The Pipeline.”

    “Miss American” looks like Burchette’s work, so maybe he hasn’t run away screaming, or he contributed the new character before doing so. “Ruby Lith” I’m sure will be, like Phil Holt, another Batom Comics veteran.

    • hitorque

      1. It’s been done before…

      2. Even if it hadn’t been done before, WHAT IN FUCK’S NAME IS THAT BUTT UGLY MONSTROSITY??!?

      3. So which Funkyverse woman is the early favorite to play “Miss American” in the big-budget movie adaptation which is being produced, written and directed by Mason Jarre??

    • Professor Fate

      The Horror, the horror.

    • Maxine of Arc

      Since “rubylith” is a type of masking film used in art production, you are almost one million percent right. Jesus wept.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Even as obsessed with old-timey comics as Batiuk I’m kind of shocked that he thinks “Miss American” works at all. “She’s an American, but she’s an unmarried gal!”

  12. Lord Flatulence

    Fascinating read about bees.

  13. Professor Fate

    Just fyi – King Bee is the title of a Slim Harpo blues song from 1957 covered later by the Rolling Stones in 64 and Muddy Waters sometime in the 70’s. So I’d guess that’s where the Author got the term but yah know it might have been nice to have mentioned the song rather than make Mort sound like a moron.
    And it would seem that with bees, its not good either be the king or the queen.

  14. bobanero

    I’m guessing that Mort’s reference to King Bee is not a reference to an actual king bee, but rather the king bee referenced in Slim Harpo’s 1957 blues classic “I’m a King Bee”, which consists of a bunch of bee related sexual innuendos. Whatever the case, the fact that Mort is suddenly bragging about his sexual exploits to the point where the receptionist is concerned is beyond disturbing. I’m thinking he must have accidentally come across a bottle of Viagra or something and is making the most of it.

    • bobanero

      (Obviously I didn’t see Professor Fate’s comment before I made my own. It’s not unusual for me to take a couple of hours to get around to finishing a comment in the morning)

      • Professor Fate

        Happens to me all the time.
        Oh yes Slim also recorded two more songs Little Queen Bee & Buzz me baby, similar songs with yet more bee related sexual innuendos. Hey back then you milked a hit for all it was worth.

  15. Flashback to Christmas with Mort, 2011:

  16. spacemanspiff85

    Mort’s statement in the last panel could be a perfect slogan for this strip/Batiuk.

  17. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    Coming tomorrow – the Kama Sutra according to Mort! Thank goodness FW tells but doesn’t show!

  18. Le Chat Bleu

    In this commenter’s opinion, Tom Battiuck is a sex pervert.