Quasi Fake Humor

“. . . it’s worth more now as a quasi fake computer than it was a real computer”.

This has to take the prize as most awkward, crappy sentence in the history of Funky Winkerbean, if not comic strips as a whole. I mean, wow. There’s a word just obviously missing “as a real computer”, for starters, showcasing the lack of crap-giving on the author’s part and the fact that nobody else reads these strips before they’re printed. Then there’s just the fact that so many words mean literally nothing. It’s now a “quasi fake” computer? What does “quasi fake” even mean? It’s either fake or not. It’s like saying Lisa was “quasi dead”. If anything it’s more of a real computer now, since before it was blatantly cartoony, making wisecracks, and now it’s just an Alexa/Siri knockoff. Take a bow, Tom Batiuk, this has to be your peak.
Oh, and Chester apparently has something worth two-million dollars sitting around the abandoned old building where Pete and Darin work all day. And somehow a piece of junk from a movie a year ago is now worth millions of dollars.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Quasi Fake Humor

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Yeah, it’s either fake or it isn’t, something can’t really be kind of fake or somewhat genuine. And maybe I’m confused here, but didn’t the studio give Holtron to Pete and Boy Lisa? So why is Chester acting like it’s his?

    How the f*ck would John manage to squeeze himself, Crazy, Mason, Pete, Darin AND Holtron into his dank little comic book shop? How would he even get it up that staircase? Isn’t having the star, writer and doodler from Starbuck Jones enough for John? How much more does he want? I mean it’s just Free Comic Book Day, not the lunar new year or something.

  2. Batiuk’s command of the language is so bad that we should submit his strips to engrish.com. Except what they print is funny, here it’s the opposite.

  3. Paul Jones

    And here I thought that the word salad in Crankshaft was supposed to be a warning of his looming massive stroke. Silly me. It’s just TomBat getting his own back at people who look at him as if he sprouted a second head when he’s speaking bigly good English.

  4. Miskatonic Sophomore

    Quasi fake computer. Sure. Well, this is a quasi fake comic strip, packed with pseudo-humor and hypo-writing cloaked in demi-doodles.

  5. billytheskink

    Meanwhile, in the real world of movie computers:

    The Macintosh Powerbook 5300 that Jeff Goldblum’s character used to halt the alien invasion in Independence Day, the number 1 movie of 1996, sits covered in dust in a shuttered Planet Hollywood. (Actually, someone allegedly bought it on eBay for $10 back in 2005)

    The famed HAL 9000 prop from 2001, the number 1 movie of 1968, was sold for less than a dollar at a UK junk shop in the 1970s, and then for about $23,000 to director Peter Jackson in 2010. (This is actually true)

    Kurt Russell might be insured for $2 million, with or without the tennis shoes. So I guess there is precedent…

  6. Jimmy

    Miracle Max says he’s mostly dead.

  7. timbuys

    “two million dollar rider to your insurance policy”

    Now Batiuk starts to sweat the details? I look forward to tomorrow’s strip where they get into the details of arranging for the LTL shipment… good luck getting that thing up the stairs.

  8. Gerard Plourde

    This dialogue shows the lack of thought and effort TomBa puts into his work.It seems that the point he’s trying to make is that Holtron’s appearance in the movie has made it more valuable than when it was the central record repository for Westview. (No surprise there. Insuring George Clooney would require a higher premium payment than insuring Les Moore.)

  9. Charles

    Gross John reminds me of a hopped up spoiled kid. “I want LeBron James to come to my birthday party!”

    He just sees the dumb thing and the first thing he thinks is that he wants it for his comic book day for the vaguest of reasons. Does he think it’ll pull in customers? As if he ever gave a shit about that. Does he think having an obscure prop from a movie will give his store some publicity? Again, he’s never cared about that. All he seems to think is that it would be cool to have it there, no matter how big a pain in the ass it’ll be. That’s it. He’s got more in common with a seven year-old boy than he does with a grown man.