Pant the Load Right On Me

I right away had to look up “pantload;” not as a prerequisite for moving it to the Batiuktionary, but because I understood it to be a pejorative. It’s what you might call someone who’s clueless and unpleasant: “Chester’s a real pantload.” Indeed, over at urbandictionary you can find some pretty colorful definitions. More um, sophisticated reference sources, however, support Ruby’s usage: a nicer way to say a “metric shit ton” of a given thing.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “Pant the Load Right On Me

  1. William Thompson

    “I’d also say your taste has died a horrible death!”

    I hope Funky’s face in the SoSF banner means we’re in for a week of Funky getting a colonoscopy. What’s stuck in there, Funky?

  2. CRM114

    Like in Batuik is a pantload! See his BattyBlog for proof.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    I take “pantload” to mean “pant load”, which should be self-explanatory. So I grew up in a seedy blue-collar town, sue me. An arc featuring two completely one-dimensional characters (one of them possessing literally one character trait) who even regular FW readers barely know has completely devolved into total nonsense after five days…who saw that coming, eh?

    Why does Chester have a funeral home waiting room in his house? Why would an old comic book artist who just returned from a sixty year hiatus be throwing comic book nerd banter around? Why is she seemingly surprised over her boss being wealthy? Why did he think six days of these two would be a good idea?

  4. Banana Jr. 6000

    He’s not good, he’s very fine to mint. OH YOU MEAN LIKE A COMIC BOOK. LORD KNOWS WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH OF THAT.

  5. Yeah, yeah, it’s boring and shallow. But I’d like to know what that urn is supposed to be. It’s detailed enough that it has to be something in the real world. Or something in Flash comics, anyway.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Yes, agreed, way too specific to be a random choice. The same may be true of that weirdly specific furniture in the background too. Perhaps this is modeled after some sort of historical residence he’s recently visited, like “Ye Olde Pfizza And Printed Humour Apothecary” or something. Maybe he’ll do a (sigh) blog post about it.

      • timbuys

        Ah, I see, so now he can write of his mileage, the price of a ticket to the ‘Apothecary’ plus lunch for one at the next door Podunk Cafe when he does his taxes.

    • Count of Tower Grove

      It’s the repository of Zanzibar’s cremains.

  6. Gerard Plourde

    So he dragged this mess out just so he could set up an unfunny collectors-related punch line.

  7. Doghouse Reilly

    Is that the urn containing Siegel’s and Shuster’s ashes sitting on Chester’s mantel? If so, I hope he managed to spell the latter’s name correctly.

  8. billytheskink

    Looks like Chester lives on the set of Antiques Roadshow.

  9. Here’s the thing. I sometimes do oil paintings, and I would be thrilled if someone wanted to buy one of them. I would think that this person thought my work was worthy enough that they wanted to keep it and display it.

    If they then gave it back, even if they let me keep the money, I’d think, “Okay, they didn’t like it after all, they were just taking pity on me.”

    And I certainly wouldn’t want the damned thing back. Damn it, I thought I had it sold, now I have to sell it all over again.

    In his unbridled lust for comic book collecting, Batiuk has lost sight of what it means to be an artist, what it means to create something that has value and meaning to the creator. Given the content of the strip, that’s not surprising.

    • Epicus Doomus

      There’s no story behind the artwork or why Ruby had to sell it in the first place, it’s just her old comic book artwork and Chester wants her to have it, just because. It’s just amazing how he’s been droning on about Ruby Lith and Miss American for weeks now and we still know nothing about her or it other than that they exist. It’s supposed to all hold some sort of cultural significance and represent something, but we don’t know what because BatYam is too lazy to elaborate.

  10. Paul Jones

    Mountains labour and an absurd punchline is born. Typical.

  11. Jimmy

    Batiuk has created a very bizarre world. I don’t make comic book collecting kind of money, so maybe I don’t understand why someone would buy a piece and hang it up in his house if he only intended to give it back to the creator.

  12. Gerard Plourde

    I wonder if this whole thing is somehow connected to his own need to own and control his characters. He’s spent lots of time detailing the lengths he’s gone to over this. He actually killed off John Darling to prevent the syndicate from assigning another artist and continuing the strip. He’s made sure he has total control over the Funkyverse, even to the point that he receives no editorial input. To him it makes perfect sense that Ruby would love to get that sketch back despite the fact that she put it up for sale in the first place.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Oh, it very much is. Everything in Funky Winkerbean is connected to Batiuk’s need for something. Mostly, his need to be given things for being so super-talented and special. He still rambles on about his 1990 lawsuit against his syndicate, in which he asked for ownership of the characters, and pretty much everything else under the sun. So the strip is just day after day of comic book people nonsensically being given things Tom Batiuk wants for himself. Without saying why, or a story even existing. It’s not just wish fulfillment; it’s the wish fulfillment of a bitter 11-year-old who didn’t get the pony, sportscar and girlfriend he wanted for Christmas.

      Grow up, Tom.

  13. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “Why, yes. My house is filled with a shitload of gaudy, expensive junk because I live here alone. I’ll never marry because none of the young boys I desire to marry can get their parents’ consent. Such is the life of an Aging Queen homosexual pedophile. Oh, BLAST! Speaking of pantloads, I’ll be back in a few minutes. Don’t steal anything.”

  14. I’d grade this whole story arc as POOR to FAIR.

    Anyway, like BC said, a lot of the motivation for creating art is the desire to share your creations with the rest of the world. Ruby was probably just as excited to learn that someone appreciated her work enough to buy it and display it in their home as she was to get the money. Now that Chester has returned the artwork to Ruby, what message is that sending? I guess now she can take it back to the gallery and display it there again. I doubt that it is doing much for her hanging on her own wall.

  15. hitorque

    1. “…but it cost you a FORTUNE!” What is so goddamned hard about Batiuk writing this instead of some juvenile idiom (applied improperly as always) from a character who would never utter such a thing before polite company in real life??

    2. I know Batiuk really really really hates using numbers, but since it’s just these two it wouldn’t have hurt to tell us exactly how much a “pantload” is… Fifty grand? A quarter-million??

    3. Why doesn’t Batiuk know anything about fame and celebrity? Chester the Molester’s incredible road to wealth and infamous geek foibles has to make him one of the most talked-about high-profile personalities in the nation, much less Northeast Ohio… Yet we still need his “Yeah I can afford to tear up your rudimentary shitty-assed comics cover and use the shreds for rolling papers!” reassurance, because reasons.

    4. HOLY CHRIST I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT!! Chester the Molester is supposed to be Bruce Wayne, but instead of fighting crime through an alter ego, his mission is to right all of the wrongs of the comics industry while saving the entire genre for posterity singlehanded…

  16. “Just think, Ruby! If you’d sold that directly to me, you could have had the full price without the gallery’s commission!”

  17. Westview Radiology

    Growing up as a kid of the 60’s & 70’s a “Pantload” meant that someone had an “accident” and their pants were full of …. oh well!