A Breef Encounter

What’s better than four white saviors?  Five white saviors of course! That’s the gist of today’s strip, it seems… as *groan* Amicus Breef emerges from the walk-in freezer brimming with fantastic legal advice such as talking to Adeela.  Preferably by phone, no need to go down to the clink and talk to her in person if you can help it, right?  I mean, jails are full of criminals after all and you can’t be too careful.

Oy!  Amicus Breef?!  Amicus?  Stupid punny names are nothing new for this strip, but they usually at least involve a first name human beings might actually have.  Well, at least he works in a profession relevant to his stupid punny name.  What if Mason Jarr(e) was really into making homemade preserves or holding iced tea at restaurants known for their cucumber salad, or if Cliff Anger was actually a solo climber?  Or what if Ruby Lith’s job was to illustrate schlocky no-budget Silver Age comic books?  Oh wait…

42 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

42 responses to “A Breef Encounter

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Ha ha, very funny Tom. How long was that idea rattling around in that head of his? Question: the lawyer has been told that Adeela was arrested. So why would he think it’d be “possible to talk to her” in a pizzeria in the middle of the night? And since when do you get to hang on to your cell phone in jail? Seems to me a good lawyer would know that. Adeela is doomed.

    • Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

      It seems that was why Adeela had to “brick” her phone when she was arrested: so the gang couldn’t call her in the jail?

      • Epicus Doomus

        It’s like BatYam needed to explain why they just couldn’t talk to Adeela on her cell phone, which is just hilarious given the strip’s past history of using cell phones to transmit information. Even funnier is how it didn’t need to be explained in the first place, as Adeela is in jail thus it’s understood that she wouldn’t have access to her phone. But he spent an entire day explaining it anyway.

  2. In my younger days I dated a girl whose last name was Brief, spelled correctly. Maybe Batty’s going for a home run, coming up with a name that’s a pun and sounds like the lawyer character Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird?

    • William Thompson

      Now I want to see Les Moore get jealous when Amicus Breef loses the case yet departs to the reverent strains of a choir.

    • erdmann

      I think that’s it exactly. Thus, he undermines the credibility of his own story two ways: by the use of a cutesy punny name and by inviting readers to draw (unfavorable) comparisons between his work and a literary masterpiece. One that actually did win a Pulitzer, no less.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I also thought of Atticus Finch. He’s one of the most famous literary characters of the 20th century! And, he was a lawyer who stood up for an unfairly accused minority, which would fit perfectly with this deportation story.

      The name “Amicus Breef” is like “Jupiter Jones” in Jupiter Ascending or “Cypher Rage” in After Earth. These movies desperately want to be taken seriously, but the protagonist’s name gives away how stupid and lazy they are. It’s a failure of tone.

    • If Funky Winkerbean were an anime, we could at least pretend that it was about to turn into a crossover event with Dragon Ball Z.

  3. billytheskink

    Rachel knows the immigration attorney who works at her art teacher certification college well enough that she can call him up at midnight for a favor, but Adeela doesn’t know anyone who can help her but Wally…

    I do enjoy Funky in panel 3, shooting his weary eyes at Wally. “First you drag me out of bed at midnight, then you tell me you don’t know where my car and insulated bag are, and now I have to go to a JAIL?! At 3 AM?!” Someone is missing his old night manager right now.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Other than padding there’s no reason why they couldn’t have just met up at the jail, like how a normal storyteller would do it. Some characters in this strip have traveled thousands of miles to exchange information they could have easily exchanged over the phone but now out of nowhere a totally impossible cell phone scenario…using it to place calls from jail…is paramount to the story as a way to get The Gang over to the jail, which they were going to have to do anyway. It’s like he’s trying to rationalize away this filler material even as he’s using it to pad the story. It’s so weird.

    • Hitorque

      I’m impressed he went through that much explanation… In the old days Rachel would have just pulled a name out of the yellow pages, or the guy would have just barged through the door announcing “I’m Breef and I called from the offices of Iymah, Shyster and Lovett two hours ago! WHERE THE HELL IS MY SUPREME, MY CALZONE, AND MY SIX PACK OF MOLSON’S?!”

    • Rusty Shackleford

      I wish Funky would speak up once in awhile: “Hey Ginger, if you knew the name of an attorney then why did you wake me up, and why am I here? Couldn’t we have discussed this on the phone?” “ And do not give me that smug look, you’re all fired…idiots!”

  4. J.J. O'Malley

    But WHERE are the delivery car and the insulated bag!?

  5. William Thompson

    Should I be reading this arc? There’s a history of diabetes in my family and I shouldn’t take foolish, high-risk chances Not with Tom Diabetiuk on the job!

  6. Gerard Plourde

    The jail at 3 a.m.? No prison that I know of has overnight visiting hours. This is way out of my wheelhouse, but given the dire situation that’s been painted, the first call should have been made by Rachael to Mr. Friend of the Court. I don’t know whether he would need to communicate directly with Adeela before filing a motion on her behalf for an emergency stay to block her removal in order to have time to talk to her in preparation to file a Petition for Habeas Corpus to try to get her out of custody in order to prepare for her appeal of the deportation order.

    While I think that a service could be done to explain the removal process, this arc doesn’t look at all promising in its educational value.

  7. Yeah yeah yeah, whatever…what about that insulated bag? It’s the only thing I care about in this strip.
    Oh, and by the way, Batiuk, good idea to derail your “serious” story with punny names.

    • Epicus Doomus

      You know he stashed that pun decades ago and just patiently waited until he finally had an excuse to use it. There’s probably a whole yellow legal pad full of punny names somewhere in that studio of his, all filed away for future use. Or at least a Post-It note full.

  8. Professor Harlan Grankle

    So Amicus Breef (groan; this is THE worst) just appears out of thin air? Is this a Bewitched episode? Is Batiuk drunk, stoned, or both when he writes this shit?

    Or maybe he needs to be drunk and stoned.

    God this is awful.

  9. Aurora Snorealis

    THIS FUCKING SUCKS

  10. Olive McSweeney, LLC

    I can’t wait for Amicus Breef to be going up against Kay K. Kaye, in the courtroom of Justice Forall.

  11. Count of Tower Grove

    Funny like “What’s this “we shit? I ain’t no lawyer.”

  12. The Dreamer

    Wait a minute! They have an INS detention city in the Akron Ohio er Westview, Ohio area? Are they trying to deport all the people there who snuck in from Canada?

  13. Hitorque

    Remember the good old days when we thought literally nothing could get worse for this strip in 2020 after the Hollywood Wildfire Massacre? God, that shit seems like 10 years ago right now…

  14. Maxine of Arc

    Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney, wouldn’t deign to appear in court against “Amicus Breef.”

  15. The Merry Pookster

    Better hurry up and get there,,,,,Adeela is scheduled on the 8:10 am daily departure to Bagdaddy.

  16. Jimmy

    “You’ve been ICE’d!”

  17. Jimmy

    I really hope they deport her before anyone arrives.

    “Maybe if you folks had called instead of jacking around, we could have cleared this up. But she’s Kabul’s problem now.”

  18. Perfect Tommy

    So the Funky Bunch is venturing into the dark underbelly of the U.S. prison system? At least there’s a possibility of someone getting shanked.

  19. Banana Jr. 6000

    Someone on joshreads pointed out that Batiuk has used the name “Amicus Breef” before, in Crankshaft:

    Apparently he’s the Lionel Hutz of Westview.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Except Lionel Hutz was a funny and recognizable character that was beloved by the audience.

      Batty’s characters are all boring, one note throw-aways that nobody cares about.

  20. Even on television, the lawyer goes to the jail to speak to the client before deciding whether or not it’s “possible” to speak to her.

    Also, while I get that Rachel is the only person in the room who is currently attending Lisa Moore Memorial College, exactly when would she have required the services of an on-campus immigration attorney?

    Tom Batiuk: “Well ACTUALLY Rachel is a proud immigrant from Ireland and her mother, Moira O’Toole was the inventor of the potato pizza…”

    Okay.

  21. Count of Tower Grove

    I remember the brief existence of a chain of burger joints called Beef’n’Counter. One day they just turned into Arby’s.
    https://www.newspapers.com/clip/39392831/beef-ncounter-bnc-1969/