Match Game

This ICE supervisor has got to be quaking in his Johnston & Murphy’s, Amicus Breef is finally breaking out the lawyering talk in today’s strip! And he’s doing it with righteous indignation too! What a lawyer this guy, keeping supervisor Ed O’Neill off of his Facebook feed for 4… maybe even 5 minutes by threatening to do something that would have been more useful had he done it before he showed up at the detention facility.

42 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

42 responses to “Match Game

  1. This would be something if I thought it was going to be funny, or poignant, or meaningful in any way. But I know it’s going to fail on every level, which is just kind of depressing. Which may be the goal?

  2. J.J. O'Malley

    But WHERE are the delivery car and the insulated bag!?

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Another thing that needs to be posted daily:

      No Batty, it doesn’t work that way.

      Yeah, ok, ICE just boots people based on facial recognition. No document search, no database lookups…. Westview is Batty’s reality.

  3. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    SIgh. You don’t need to subpoena evidence. It must be presented at a hearing or trial.

    • Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

      not to mention disclosure

    • J.J. O'Malley

      Tomorrow’s strip, taking place 48 hours later…
      Amicus: “Okay, I’m back with the subpoena. Where’s my client?”
      Nixonesque ICE Officer: “Man, I cannot believe you fell for that! In the time it took you to get a subpoena, we loaded her on the Herman Cain, a C-5 cargo plane bound for Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan! Where did you go to law school?”

    • Mr. A

      “The computer says
      That two people look alike.
      Can’t argue with that.”

      “Here’s a subpoena!
      I will question this machine
      On the witness stand.”

    • Mr. A

      There is such a thing as a “subpoena for production of evidence”, but as I’m not a lawyer, I have no idea whether it applies here or not.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subpoena_duces_tecum

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        There still needs to be a case. The courts will not issue a summons without it relating to a legal proceeding of some sort.

        What this bozo wants is an injunction. He can ask for a court order preventing ICE from deporting Adeela, while he starts legal proceedings on her behalf.

  4. Banana Jr. 6000

    Uh, I think this strip left off the fourth panel, where the director of the ICE prison laughs uproariously in Amicus Breef’s face. Hey, Mr. Legal Expert, don’t you need to file a case first?

  5. billytheskink

    This supervisor shares more than a few features with Adeela. Maybe He’s the real Adeela Salam.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      A coverup would be a good plot twist. Maybe this corrupt ICE supervisor knows they’ve got the wrong person, but is deporting Adeela anyway, to get the case off his books. There are so many interesting directions this story could take, but it stubbornly refuses them all.

  6. Aurora Snorealis

    WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH LISA?

  7. Banana Jr. 6000

    Also, how did this clown just walk into the ICE supervisor’s office? And why has Wally been with him all this time? Wally’s not Adeela’s legal guardian or representative. Does Westview have some law that Montoni’s counts as immediate family?

  8. William Thompson

    Hey, Amicus Scurvy, what about seeing a judge and getting a writ of habeas corpus? Better yet, why not get a real writer? I’m sure an actual ICE operative could find a more workable reason to keep Adeela locked up. (It doesn’t have to be a just reason; legality and justice sometimes have nothing in common.)

    C’mon, ICE-man, give it the old college try! “We’re holding your client for national security reasons! She was captured with a poisoned disc two feet across! One of our agents mistook it for a pizza and had to be rushed to intensive care! What sort of vicious, fiendish plot is she engaged in?”

  9. Count of Tower Grove

    Whoah, Nelly! I haven’t seen such righteous indignation in the Fungyverse since Cliff Anger shut down SENATOR Joe McCarthy in the HOUSE Un-American Activities Committee.Yaba-daba-do!

    • Hitorque

      Another real-life chapter of U.S. history that Batiuk absolutely pissed all over with nonsensical jokes…

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Too bad he had to kill off Lisa. She would be perfect for this role. She was always flapping her gums about something.

      • billytheskink

        It’s true. Heck, she turned her defense of DSH selling pornographic manga at Komix Korner into a referendum on patriotism.

        • Hitorque

          Komixxx Korner was selling tentacle rape hentai? Why do I always miss the awesome storylines?

          And just wondering: Who was the pervert in town buying it all up?

          • billytheskink

            I don’t think any actual customers for it were ever depicted. Lefty’s mother Roberta Blackburn noticed it for sale at Komix Korner and an undercover police office dressed like DB Cooper bought some just before he arrested DSH.

  10. Gerard Plourde

    I see that this arc displays the usual lack of research into the topic being showcased.

    How hard is it to Google Habeas Corpus?

    • William Thompson

      First , Batiuk would have to know enough to realize he has to google it. That’s probably too hard a step for him.

  11. Professor Harlan Grankle

    It’s hard to single out the most egregious faults of this strip, but Batiuk ….. seems tohavea reallllll ……. problemwith……..paaaaaa…..cing

  12. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “This software of yours discriminates against colored people!”

    “Ummm, councilor, did you mean to say ‘people of color?’”

    “Wait, what did I say?”

    “You said colored people.”

    “Well, it’s the same thing.”

    “Oh, no no no no no no no nooooo. If you say people of color, you’ve just virtue signaled yourself as the most woke, progressive, inclusive person on the planet. ‘Colored people’ is as offensive as the Big N. Check your privilege, counselor!”

    “Wait, why are you talking like this??? I’m the ultra-woke pro bono boy, and you’re a hateful government storm trooper!”

    “Look, are we done? I have some terrorists to send back to the hole they crawled out of. Good day, Soiled Briefs. I SAID GOOD DAY!!”

  13. Rusty Shackleford

    Batty, here is an example from the real world:

    I worked with a colleague (Muslim from Pakistan) who had a side job selling cell phones at a small shop. One day we are at work and the FBI shows up and arrests him. They nabbed him as he was entering our building.

    He was arrested because they said he was part of an organization that was laundering money. It was a big deal and all over the news. But the arrest warrant was public record and was available after they nabbed him! We couldn’t believe what he was charged with.

    He was out that night. After questioning him, it was clear he was just an employee of the man running the criminal organization. They of course found his phone number in the boss man’s phone and that is why they picked him up. Our colleague had no knowledge of the criminal activities and so he was released.

    So one piece of evidence is not sufficient but it is understandable why he got swept up in this mess.

  14. It finally occurred to me that “reality based” does not have to equate with reality. Batiuk has a story he wants to tell, and a point of view he wants to promote, and is not about to let reality get in his way. So many glaring flaws in this arc: the elaborate, unnecessary “sting” operation to nab Adeela, the easily rectifiable mistaken identity…and, no spoilers, but you won’t believe where this is going next.

    • The Merry Pookster

      Ahhhh, she is really part of a sleeper cell inasmuch as this strip is putting us all to sleep.
      How cunning

    • Epicus Doomus

      The “sting” operation really was pretty funny. Of course in “real life” they would have just picked her up, but in “real life” people don’t typically have six days to kill.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Yeah, he lives in a fantasy land. His views are like religious beliefs, This is why his stories fail, there is no connection to reality.

      Calvin and Hobbes worked because he had a connection to reality: an adult world viewed through the eyes of a child.

      FW is just Batty’s stupid view of the world laid bare and then tweaked for awards chasing purposes.

    • William Thompson

      I don’t even believe where this story is. Where does it end? With Adeela getting the Medal of Freedom for helping ICE to flush out Other Adeela, who runs a terrorist organization nobody can detect?

  15. Banana Jr. 6000

    Off topic note: 1970s Match Game was the best. Especially any episode where the panel was baked. (Giveaway: Richard Dawson is wearing sunglasses.)

  16. batgirl

    I have to go back through the strips to be sure (obviously I’m putting that chore off) but it seems to me that the document shown on the ICE screen when the agent said ‘we have a match’ was NOT the (shouldn’t it be interim?) driver’s licence Adeela was holding up proudly. The screen doc just said Adeela in script, no surname.
    I thought at the time it was the ID for the Other Adeela. It would certainly be in TB’s style to have Adeela’s driver’s licence be totally irrelevant to the ‘plot’ other than allowing her to be suckered into the world’s stupidest sting operation.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      The 10/6 strip shows the license, which clearly says “Salih”, which Adeela said was her last name. So I think ICE has the right license, but it’s matched to the wrong person in their “hot list.” Of course, it would take ICE five minutes to see that these are two different people, but stories in Funky Winkerbean are built on this level of laziness and idiocy.

  17. louder

    This whole thing is a great example that if a writer of a comic wants to be current, don’t write the story a year ahead of time. Holy moly, in this day of Covid-19, it’s not how any of this works. Heaven forbid if Batty only did something sick months in advance, it might work better and be less fantasyland stuff. But who am I kidding, even with Batty writing closer to the actual events, he’d still be clueless.

    • louder

      I meant “six months in advance”, but with Batty, sick months is so much better!

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Yeah, there is a lot of raw material for a good Covid themed story. Batty loves misery and plenty of people are miserable in 2020 so he should have a lot to talk about.

      Just the other day I was talking to people who are teachers. They have tons of stories about online teaching etc. They mentioned that a lot of their introverted students are suddenly thriving in this new world.

      Maybe Batty will get to this next year.