No need to induce
To put folks in a coma
Just use today's strip
Dramatic Funky
Or is he? Lest we forget
His time warp coma
Here's a third haiku
It is here to fill up space
Like this story arc


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

17 responses to “Eye-ku

  1. Epicus Doomus

    if Funky had any forethought he would have gotten his eyes checked out while he was in his previous coma, thereby saving himself a lot of grief. He should give Cell Phone Girl a call and see if he can save himself a few bucks by eliminating the “medically induced” part and just go straight for the coma. A few weeks of all-black panels is exactly what FW needs right now.

  2. William Thompson

    Are we now in Act IV, where Funky has gone utterly bonkers over medical issues? Grow a pair, Funky, and don’t worry about losing them just because the doctor has a scalpel in his hand.

  3. Count of Tower Grove

    Can’t wait for Fungy to contract osteomyelitis. That would bring back missing the last second shot expressions.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Speaking of those last second shot expressions: why was Funky far more upset about missing the end of a basketball game than he is today about having his eye slit open? Look at these expressions:

      He looks like he’s watching 9/11 happen live on TV. Today he just looks like Mr. Wilson is annoyed with Dennis again.

      For all the disease and misery that fuels Funky Winkerbean, you’d think the creator could at least give proper emotional weight to the scary prospects of eye surgery and/or vision loss. Nope! We get two weeks of Funky and an unnamed character trading stupid jokes. Funky missing a basketball game and Les letting Marianne Winters watch his precious Lisa tapes, now that’s the serious stuff.

  4. J.J. O'Malley

    Say, Doc, not to grouse
    But your waiting room is not
    The place for this talk!

    Also, is panel three Funky shivering in dread of eye surgery or doing his imitation of Gargamel clenching his fists in anticipation of finally getting his grimy mitts on those troublesome Smurfs?

    • Mr. A

      I was going to leave a comment yesterday along the lines of, “Shouldn’t they have had this conversation in the back room, instead of discussing it as Funky is literally walking out the door?” But then I thought, “Nah, I’m being too judgy, it’s plausible that Funky thought of one last question just as he was leaving.”

      And then today’s strip came along…

  5. none

    Panel 4: Droopy shouts “Done!” and clocks Funky right in the mouth.

  6. ComicBookHarriet

    Poor Billy the Skink.
    Two weeks of absolute dross,
    Making art from the artless.

  7. Bob Baloney

    Okay, I’ve been lurking here for many, many, (many!) years and have never said anything, but this strip has pushed me over the edge. This is… What the hell is this?

    One: why are they having this conversation in the waiting room? Wouldn’t they do this in the exam room or in an inner office? I don’t think I would tolerate my doctor discussing an upcoming surgical procedure, a very personal matter, in front of a bunch of strangers. What about HIPPA?

    Two: What is Funky doing in panel 3? Wishing he was unconscious? Why? How does that follow from what has happened to this point? Is he angry at the doctor? Why? The doctor is explaining steps that are going to be taken to help save Funky’s eyesight. It’s not his fault the cataract is there, he’s just doing his job! Why does Funky have that scowl on his face and why does he look like he wants to choke the doctor?

    I guess this is par for the course in the Funkyverse. Unprofessional professionals, a member of “The Gang” acting like an ass to people who are trying to do their jobs, and an unrelenting feeling that so many questions will be raised and never answered.

    But I guess that’s why I keep coming back…

    • ComicBookHarriet

      That is the true beauty behind Funky Winkerbean, everyone has something different that breaks them. For some it’s an overwrought prestige arc, and for others it’s a week of cringy puns, and for others it’s a single strip packed with so much understated nonsense that it finally breaks the silence. The non sequiter that breaks the camel’s back.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        So true.

        Seeing people sitting at a counter drinking coffee in a pizzeria is what broke me. A close second would be ghost Lisa.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Funky Winkerbean is an interesting hatedom, because it’s difficult to explain to others why it’s worth hating. The strip is incompetent in a hundred different small ways at once. But it’s also so understated, there’s no one moment you can point to as an example of its badness. It doesn’t have the over-the-top moments that something like The Room does. And it doesn’t lend itself easily to snarking. I marvel that this site’s contributors can even come up with anything to say about it half the time, especially during a banal shitshow like this eye doctor arc.

  8. Banana Jr. 6000

    Now there’s that Batiukian ear for realistic dialog. “We simply make a small incision in the eye, remove the natural lens, and replace it with intraocular lens implant.” “I’d like to be put in a medically induced coma starting right now.” Has this man ever heard people talk?

    • Mr. A

      It would make more sense if the doctor had mentioned that a medically-induced coma was part of the procedure…but he didn’t, because it isn’t. Or better yet, if he’d made it clear that it wasn’t part of the procedure (“And after applying a local anaesthetic, we’ll cut into your eyeball…” “Could I be placed in a medically-induced coma instead? Or even right now?”).

  9. newagepalimpsest

    “If you want a medically-induced coma, you should read ‘Funky Winkerbean.’ It’ll knock you right out.”
    “But doctor… I am Funky Winkerbean!!”

  10. WheresFather

    My cataract surgery yesterday went well. Only complication: FW is sharp and clear now.

  11. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    The Ramones said it better.