beckoningchasm

Seven Years (In One Night)

See, this is what happens when you half-ass it.

Tom Batiuk had this hilarious joke about how only old people use the post office, but he lost that joke somewhere on his desk, so we got this one instead:

Because it might have been “okay” if the length of time was a week, or a month, but if it was a year? Man, the laughs just don’t stop. Mainly because they never start.

The problem seeps in when we look at what he wrote on the 31st of July.

So, the “always like” seems to imply that he’s done this more than once. But the “this year” above seems to imply that he only does it once a year or so.

Which means that Jessica is still in Los Angeles, while Dullard has been in Cleveland for a year.

Or, what I think is more likely, Jessica has jettisoned his sorry ass and is living a successful life elsewhere, and Dullard just likes to “pretend” he has a relationship.

Either way, it makes Dullard look bad, so thumbs up from me!

PS: Speaking of artwork, it almost looks like Commissioner Gordon from the Tim Burton Batman movies checking his watch, and is that Chuck Ayers himself in the beard?

Waiting in Line at the River Styx

Link to today’s strip.

Well, Dullard’s li’l quip would have been quite the knee-slapper…in 1998, say. Nowadays, it reads a lot like Pluggers. Actually, it reads like a school-assigned book one has to write a report on for homework; yes, that dull. Yes, everyone uses email, but there are still long lines at the post office? For something people rarely use? Is this the joke?

It reminds me of Mel Brook’s old joke about two old ladies in a restaurant. “The food here is so terrible!” “Yes…and such small portions!” Except that, you know, that’s actually humorous. (Edit: Apparently that was Woody Allen. Whoops!)

Art-wise, well, we sure have a nice line of decrepit folks depicted here (and yes, I’m including Dullard). Nice to see Walt from the nursing home out and about. And if you’re wondering why the old guy in the brown striped shirt looks seriously pissed off, well, it’s obvious: he’s been standing next to Dullard for a while now, having to listen to some truly moronic “observations.” I’m normally a pretty easy-going person out in public, but even I’d probably turn around and say, “Hey, pal, can you pipe down a little? I’m trying to listen to the Muzak.”

The Third Entry is When the Quality Drops

Link to today’s strip.

Folks, you’re not going to believe this, but for the third time during this stint, the strip is unavailable for preview! Now, don’t worry, don’t worry–everyone please, just remain calm. Your entertainment will be guaranteed by the Department of Redundancy Department, and the Natural Guard. Just proceed, calmly, down to the ticket booth and ask for Principal Poop and he will cheerfully, and decidedly, refund the unused portion of the money you spent to attend tonight’s episode. Because here at Son of Stuck Funky, it’s a fair for all, and no fare to anybody!

I know Tom Batiuk thinks highly of his own work–he’s always giving himself award nominations, after all–but he really treats this stuff like it’s rare jewels, unfit for unveiling before a crass and ignorant public (those people who–gah–prefer attempted entertainment to underthought polemic) until he absolutely has to display his wares. I’m sure he washes his hands after clicking “Send.”

I put it to you that a person proud of the effort he put into his work wouldn’t hesitate to display it. A person who, on the other hand, is ridden with cynicism and resentment, and puts the bare minimum of effort required in order to cash a check, would likely not draw attention to what he produces. Not naming any names or anything.

And if I had to guess, I’d say we have more “words spoken” between Dullard and Peeved. Because I ain’t gonna call it “witty dialogue” when it’s nothing like that.

The New Post Office Arc!

Link to today’s strip.

Chuck Ayers is back doing the art, at least for this week, and his stuff is much better rendered than Buchett’s has been lately. It’s still not what I would call good, but it at least looks like effort was put into it.

It’s amazing that Tom Batiuk has so much going on that he has to farm the artwork out to three different people, yet he can’t concoct an engaging storyline to save his life. Take this one–so Dullard is off to the post office. I remember one time someone went to the post office, and it blew up! “USA! USA!” The last time Dullard went, though, he took weeks to open a letter. I doubt we’ll get any explosions this time around.

These characters have the astonishing super-power of being totally boring at all times. I’d rather see Funky at the gym.

On Monday the Angels Start Weeping

Link to today’s strip.

Monday begins a new cycle, so today’s strip was not immediately available. I’m going to guess we’re going to get more Cliff Anger garbage, because Batiuk seems particularly fond of that of late. Of course, ever since Becky’s mother was left on top of a scissor-lift many years ago, I’ve learned not to be too sure of my predictions.

According to the dialogue yesterday, Cindy actually won an Emmy for her Cliff Anger documentary. I ought to find this surprising for a number of reasons. For one thing, I’m not sure an internet gossip site really qualifies, but never mind that. I don’t know the rules for the Emmys. The fact that Cindy learned nothing about Cliff (her viewers learned nothing either) makes me wonder about the quality of the work, and why it was thought award-worthy. All we saw was people sitting in chairs chatting. Probably Baituk shares the same low-level contempt for television that once marked one as “sophisticated,” and he feels that there are no significant awards unattached to comic books. And of course, Cindy won and accepted her award entirely off-stage (that oughta show ‘er).

Still, I keep thinking the award was announced thusly: “And the award goes to….Cindy Jarre, for Six Decades of Idiocy: The Cliff Anger Story! Congratulations, Cindy, you’ve won the Emmy Award for Best Chairs!”