Son of Stuck Funky – Page 774 – Son of Stuck Funky

Killer Of Joy

Nope, it’s not TFH, not yet. Your old buddy Epicus is back for another week of snark and Batiukian torture! Our reward for riding out the ponderous and highly annoying Frankie Mega Arc? You guessed it: brutal, anachronistic Les Moore wordplay! I miss Frankie already. An entire week of these two nitwits jogging around exchanging awful jokes and terrible puns might just shove me right over the edge. Come back, TFH, all is forgiven!

“Killjoy was here”? Took me a few seconds but I eventually realized he was referencing “Kilroy was here”, which, in case you’re unaware, was a pre-internet “meme” from the WWII era. Which means that the target audience for that gag lies comfortably within the “over 75” age bracket. Sigh. Too bad Funky didn’t drink the beer, it might have made this interesting. But then again, probably not.

I Thought Frankie Was The Slugger??

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To be honest, I’m not really sure what in the hell is going on here. What are Jessica and Boy Lisa gloating about? Don’t they ever tire of eating that Montoni’s food? And is Frankie actually suffering from pangs of remorse and/or jealousy there in panel six? And, if so, why wait until NOW to finally allow the character to express an emotion other than evil self-centered sneering? And the biggest question of all: was it really necessary to add this little coda to a story that was, for all intents and purposes, already over? At least I HOPE it’s over, that is, because with this Batom guy you never really know.

Note the subtle way he “Frankie-fied” that floating disembodied Darin head there in the lead panel. Bleh, that’s going to haunt my dreams tonight.

Frankie The Quitter

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So it comes to this: the huge Frankie Date Rape Mega Retcon arc dies a limp, soggy death. Frankie stomps away sneeringly, defeated by Saint Lisa’s magical powers and unimpeachable veracity, while his sidekick/accomplice/henchman/back-up White Lenny off-handedly offers Jessica a possible paying gig. Which she of course sarcastically mocks in the Westviewian way these obnoxious people have. What a debacle this turned out to be. Good riddance to bad garbage, I say re: Frankie…the last thing that town needs is more sneering. Such a disappointment.

So, where does this one rank with Act III’s most epic disasters? I have it a close third, right behind Funky’s car crash/time travel arc and Les’ book-tour-launch, still the gold standard in annoyingly long, ponderous irritating mega-arcs. Although they all kind of suck equally when you really stop to think about it.

Threat Level Lisa

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YouTube (registered trademark, BTW) better upgrade their servers, pronto, before Boy Lisa follows through on his “threat” and crashes them with the tens of hits that video would certainly generate. Some arch-villian Frankie turned out to be. Ditto for his doughy henchman White Lenny, who is a real wuss compared to Black Lenny, who at least knew how to lean menacingly. Derin would have probably gotten the same results by simply throwing “Lisa’s secret journal” at them. Those corners do hurt, you know.

OK, so who had “they make a video of Summer reading random pages from her dead mother’s thirty-something year old journal that just happened to be discovered exactly when it fit into the story which forces Frankie and Lenny to give up when they threaten to air it on YouTube” in the “how does this arc end?” pool? Once again TheMaster finds the least-interesting, most random, nonsensical and totally balls-out stupid way of “crafting” a story that took what seems like a hundred weeks to tell. No one can predict what he’ll do and quite frankly I don’t think he even knows until he pens it. This whole story reads like he jotted it all down on a napkin while heading to the bathroom at 5am after a big craft beer, Seroquel and Nyquil bender. Like every other FW story does. It’s amazing, uncanny and totally inexplicable.

Prayer For The Sneering

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I’m admittedly as beady-eyed and nit-picky as anyone here at SoSF, so maybe my opinion is somewhat skewed. That said, Lisa’s silly little “prayer” comes across as being rather selfish and short-sighted to me. After all, how did she know back then what would become of Frankie? Perhaps he would have changed his ways and become, oh I don’t know, an ordained minister or a first responder hero or a devoted family man or whatever. Typical Lisa…me me me, always self-absorbed in that annoyingly cloying way she had (and still has despite being dead). In any event, as Nelson Muntz might say, “Haw haw! Your prayer went unanswered!”.

So what did Frankie do, exactly, to merit this non-stop sneering and eyebrow-cocking? His attempt to “cash in” on one of Lisa’s many tragedies? Les did it a few times. Cayla was practically boinging off the walls when the movie check arrived. Summer even went as far as to suggest a 3-D version of “Lisa’s Story”. What makes that any different? I get the feeling that any “outsiders” who dare to enter Westview get chased to the city limits by a group of pitchfork-toting sneering fat guys wearing pizza shop smocks in an old-fashioned car as “Dueling Banjos” plays in the background. What a bunch of hostile pricks.

But forget all that nonsense, as none of it matters anyway. The big news today is that Montoni’s appears to be selling T-shirts! I simply MUST have one, although because I’m not a XXXXL I doubt they’d be carrying my size. If Batom doesn’t start hawking these on his site he’s both lazy and stupid, because he’s sitting on a gold mine with those.