WorthJess Gesture

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No preview today…deal with it. My best guess: it’ll continue to feature the perpetually useless Boy Lisa and his equally annoying pal Pete slobbering over those stupid Starbuck Jones covers that no one on earth cared about as recently as a day ago. The history of SJ is so convoluted at this point it’s beyond rational explanation anyway, so sure, the covers are actually rare national treasures now. Whatever.

Update: Phil Holt died for these jerk-offs? A completely disinterested Jessica (who could blame her at this point) yawns at the garbage her husband keeps dragging into the house. Then upon realizing that Darin’s latest comic book crap could possibly generate a nice cash windfall for herself, she lights up in one of the more grotesque displays of sheer wanton greed I’ve seen in this comic strip since, well, since yesterday, when Pete actually expressed envy over not receiving a dead man’s possessions. What the f*ck is wrong with these people?

Holting On To The Past

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RIP Phil Holt, the latest FW character to sadly bite the dust. Well, at least he didn’t suffer. Apparently he had no family or friends, so he bequeathed his career-defining original artwork to some jerk he bummed a ride from a few months back. Too bad Phil didn’t own a pizzeria too, as then EVERYTHING would finally be going Boy Lisa’s way.

Pete’s reaction here is totally baffling. “I would have appreciated them too”…what? Is he being hypothetical and merely commenting on how awesome they are or is he expressing jealousy, like he wishes Phil would have left HIM some original artwork too? Either way he looks like a dick, as most normal people in his position would probably say something like “holy shit, Phil Holt died and left YOU his career-defining original art???” or something like that. Or maybe express some sadness about the news, you know, like normal people would. And these nitwits are his FANS, mind you. Imagine what Phil’s enemies must be saying about him right now.

Wholly Predictable

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Wow! More comic book collectibles! Those will no doubt triple in value within a few decades and might be worth WELL over nine cents apiece by then! That Skyler sure is a lucky kid, when Boy Lisa kicks the bucket he’ll stand to inherit the ENTIRE Boy Lisa collection! That oughta be enough to pay for college AND a few pizzas too! Well, a good online college at least…IF he qualifies for some sort of comic book scholarship program, that is. Otherwise his path seems shaky at best right now unless he really, really likes old comic books.

Congrats to the SoSF snarkers who successfully predicted the contents of Boy Lisa’s Mystery-Pak. Although in fairness what else could it have been? After all, it was the wrong shape for a pizza box. I likewise assume that Phil Holt is dead, which makes him the shortest-lived FW character ever, assuming that Darin’s weird half-sister is still alive, that is. BatNom has spent countless weeks on Pete and Darin daydreaming about what it must have been like to work at ol’ Batom Comics, then he introduces a character that actually did work there only to kill him off after one appearance. Apparently the great comic book art master had no one better to leave his career-defining work to other than a guy he met and hung out with exactly once, which says a lot about the glories of being a comic book artist, at least from one perspective.

Oh No…It IS Mail

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Oh no…it’s mail…and it’s an entire package too. Sigh, this could take a while, given how Boy Lisa once needed six months to open a single envelope. I really hope it’s evidence proving that Lisa wasn’t his bio-mom (as if) and the entire Funkyverse implodes upon itself, but the likelihood of that happening seems, uh, slim. It’s a Boy Lisa arc, therefore whatever it is it’ll be dumb beyond belief, that much is guaranteed.

And get a load of Pete/Tom’s little “dig” at lawyers. I guess they’re the scum of the earth…unless some humble little blog makes fun of your silly little comic strip, in which case they’re your pals…ain’t that right, Tom? Pete’s whole world-weary act really gets my goat, I mean the guy lives a fantasy comic book lifestyle most overgrown nerds would kill for yet all he does is gripe, bitch and complain about it. Just shut up and write your little Xaxian stories, you mopey nitwit.

Define “Man”

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Mysteries abound today. “Our man”…yes, I suppose that biologically speaking Boy Lisa is indeed a “man”, in a way. I can’t imagine it being too difficult to track him down, just follow the trail of comic books, pizza crusts and his wife’s tears of disappointment and bingo, there he is. Seriously though, who the hell knows where this is going, although if Boy Lisa is involved it’s guaranteed to be duller than watching Montoni’s pizza grease congealing. Boy Lisa has never been in an arc that wasn’t a pointless slog and even the one “good” Darin moment (when he was gunned down after illegally boarding a ship) was just a dream, alas. Hopefully it doesn’t involve opening mail or we might be here for a while.