A Cymbal Of The Decline Of The American Comic Strip

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Fortunately “Hattie” didn’t turn into the pianist, as we all know how painful THAT can be. Once again BanTom finds “humor” in the college sports analogies, this time resorting to absolutely fail-safe comedic gold…head injuries and wordplay. You can’t go wrong there, no sir-ee. Onward drag the marching band gags, at this point I can’t even remember what FW was like before the band gags began. Was it always like this? Did anything else…at all…happen before this brutal onslaught of marching band jokes? Talk about “concussion protocol”, I feel like I’ve been beaten with a sweat sock full of padlocks over here.

Hattie?? Who the hell has named their kid Hattie since the 1920s? Come on, BatNom, get with the times and choose a more era-appropriate name, like Susaynn or Jocelynn or Brittanee or Kyrrsten or Ambyre or Rayne. Even “Hattye” would be more believable.

Babble Of The Bland

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“Recruiting violations”…uh, yeah. Whatever you say there, Lefty. I like how the audience is exchanging knowing smirks, like it’s somehow funny that WHS’ main rival is a bunch of dirty cheaters. Maybe tomorrow he’ll do a hysterical riff on Big Walnut’s history of hazing, doping allegations, sexual misconduct and kickbacks too, just to bring this idiotic sports analogy full-circle.

As I mentioned (complained about) last week, these stupid band gags still rely on the pretense of Dinkle’s overall nuttiness from back when he was the insane “win at all costs” tyrant who’d make students practice in monsoons and band majorettes immolate themselves for halftime entertainment. Without that pretense this is just a boring one-armed woman making smug wisecracks, which except for the arm thing neatly describes almost every other FW strip.

Preggers Banquet

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Ugh, more marching band hi-jinx courtesy of the one person on the planet who finds marching bands to be hilariously funny. That BatNom, always pandering to “real life” band directors who enjoy clipping individual marching band-based FW strips and taping them to their filing cabinets…sure, it’s a tiny demographic but an important one nonetheless.

I guess he’s comparing the high-stakes world of high school marching bands to the high-stakes world of college sports here. As I jabbered about last week, these stupid band jokes are only (hypothetically) funny within the context of the old Dinkle character, the over-the-top madman whose entire life revolved around marching band competitions. To do a gag like this you’d first need to establish that the WHS marching band is a cut-throat, deadly serious operation, which is exactly the opposite of how it’s usually depicted. Otherwise it’s this, a listless stupid out-of-context joke delivered by a character whose one defining trait is her missing arm. BanTom always wants it both ways, but the band can’t be this huge intense competitive operation AND full of lazy slackers who never practice. Yet it is.

Raisin The Bar…Lowering The Standards

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For what seems like the thousandth day in a row I have no idea what the gag here is supposed to be. Are the background anon-o-characters supposed to be characters I’d recognize? “Immaculate metro stations”…huh? There’s no “joke” here, again. And not only that, there’s no “story” either. Color me totally baffled. I even visited the official FW blog just to see if maybe something there would shed a little light on whatever the hell is going on here but (of course) there’s no help there unless you’re looking for way, way too much information on fictional comic book covers. All in all one of the most pointless FW arcs ever and that includes the band box arc AND the Food Film scam.

Global Snooze Farce

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For some reason BatNom finds great, great humor in the idea of high school marching band members selling things to raise money for the band. Turkeys, books, chocolate…it doesn’t matter what they’re selling, just that they’re doing it.

“Knock-knock”

“Hi, can I help you?”

“Hello, I’m with the local high school marching band. We’re selling this Belgian chocolate to help raise money for new uniforms.”

(BanTom collapses to floor doubled over in hysterical laughter. Alarmed youngster quickly backs away and flees.)

See, these stupid marching band gags are all rooted in the character Dinkle used to be. Back when he was the megalomaniacal tyrant band director with all sorts of zany ideas, the band fundraising gags were likewise based upon that zaniness. Harry wants to sell band turkeys, Harry pushes the students to sell more and more candy and so forth. As awful as they jokes themselves were, they were at least consistent with the character. It’d make (a little) more sense if the old Dinkle was acting like marching bands represented the height of “culture” and bragging about his “global sales force”, as he was supposed to be delusional and over-the-top.

The problem (apart from the many other ones of course) is that Dinkle isn’t the zany old band director with his eyes always obscured by his stupid hat anymore, now he’s just another squishy old smirking moron who’s really only immediately distinguishable from the other squishy old smirking morons because he’s often standing next to a woman with one arm. The “jokes” are already abysmal but when taken out of their proper context and delivered by the universally-despised new Dinkle they’re just the pointless mutterings of another annoying jerk.

Interesting note: that was the first FW arc in a while that actually contained some sort of factual information, as totally pointless as it was. At long last, I’m finally actually learning something from this strip. I like it and would like to see it become a recurring thing.

“OK Funky, meet me over by the gazebo.”

“You mean the spot where General Cleveland Cincinnati wrested control of Central Ohio away from the hated Swedes back in 1814?”

“Yes, pizza.”