You Shall Not Passport

Seriously. I may be closer in age to Funky than to Dinkle, but no, Lefty: I’ve never had a passport. Never needed one. You know, not everyone goes jetting off to Iraquistan to adopt war orphans. Hey, what the hell ever happened to your daughter Rana anyway?

I may not have a passport, but you know what I do have? A driver’s license. And every four years I have to renew it; and unless there’s a long line, I manage to accomplish this in one visit, and usually without drawing sneering contempt from clerks and state troopers. I can’t imagine getting a passport is much more involved than that:  as long as one is able to produce a couple supporting documents and is prepared to fork over the fee, it certainly should not entail “a few months” worth of paperwork. But hey, readers love the “older people hate dealing with bureaucracy” trope, so let’s go back to that well one more time.

Symphonic Sweet

Having established an theme for the week, the cartoonist must next come up with five, maybe six more strips to move the story forward. Since Dinkle’s already been honored with an eponymous line of marching band shoes (in real life!), having a candy bar named after him seems like a natural. But the “Harry L. Dinkle Raisin the Bar“? Well, there are some confections that combine chocolate and raisins; throw in peanuts and you’ve got the delicious Chunky bar. But “raisin bar” suggests a baked treat, not a candy bar. And while hitting a sales record does indeed constitute “raisin[g] the bar”, you’d think recognition of Dinkle’s “career in music” would merit some kind of musical play on words.

Harry and the Chocolate Factory

Just as he’s outstayed his welcome around the halls of Westview High, Dinkle has lingered way too long in Funky Winkerbean, Act III. I’d supposed Harry went around giving “band candy motivational speeches” to fellow music educators or Becky’s current students simply as a way to keep busy, but it turns out he’s a compensated shill for Big Chocolate. He rushes home to share his big news with his wife Harriet (we must assume that’s Harriet, though she now looks like a 53 year old, instead of someone who’s been married 53 years).

Flow Like Barlow

If death itself was not enough to keep Lisa from continuing as a cast member in the Funkiverse, did you think mere retirement would deter Batiuk’s second favorite and probably best known character, Harry L. Dinkle? The World’s Greatest Erstwhile Band Director has cranked out three volumes of his autobiography to date, yet his Life and Times of Claude Barlow continues to be a work in progress, dating back to the days when Dinkle was never seen not wearing his peaked cap.