Stupor, Man

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Incredible. Somehow, just out of nowhere, this nonsensical arc has become a comic book history lesson. Never saw it coming.

So, was Starbuck Jones an obscure cult classic or was it a huge sensation? Don’t ask Batom, despite it being his own personal fantasy he has absolutely no idea anymore. Maybe he should have created his little SJ universe BEFORE he started doing FW arcs about it, but the cat got out of that bag a long time ago. And now it’s all a big ugly mish-mosh.

And how does any of this relate to modern-day Pete and Darin’s situation? They didn’t create SJ, they were merely hired to work on an already-developed project. If Pete wanted a situation where he was in full control of his own creation, why did he leave his Mister Sponge gig in the first place? And as far as Boy Lisa is concerned, he’s fortunate to be involved with this idiotic movie at all. I’m not sure what the point here is supposed to be or even if there is one anymore.

Why So Blue?

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What the hell went wrong with the inking here? Why does it appear that Mopey Pete is wearing some sort of blue veil and glove combo? That crack Batom Inc. quality control team is something else again, eh? Nice work, you boobs.

I assumed they’d be jabbering about Jupiter Moon all week, but nope, instead it’s yet another remarkably clumsy segue into yet another pointless retro-pseudo sepia faux-flashback, this time featuring Cigar McBalding’s googly-eyed new car. I seriously doubt there will be ANY merchandise loot at all if these two imbeciles don’t finish writing that goddamned movie already. Now I’m no expert or anything, but I doubt the “Starbuck Jones” license holders will be too interested in sharing the wealth with a couple of whiny work-slacking goof-offs who wearily complain every time they’re given a task to complete. Just a few months ago Boy Lisa was slinging pizza in Westview, now he’s a Big City storyboarder working on a “red-hot” new superhero film, yet all he’s doing is bitching about it. Typical Westviewian, nothing’s ever good enough.

 

 

See You On The Dull Side Of The Moon

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Jupiter Moon, Jupiter Moon, Jupiter Moon…OK Tom, understood. There’s a new female character in the ever-evolving Starbuck Jones mythos and her name is Jupiter Moon. See, I (sometimes) know how the guy who writes this strip operates and in his imaginary comic book-addled mind the idea that SJ includes a character named (sigh) Jupiter Moon is so fascinating and hilarious in and of itself that it needs no further embellishment. That name IS the premise here. Nothing will happen, the characters will merely repeat (sigh) JM over and over again. And that will be it, guaranteed. To be polite about it, the guy who writes this thing vastly overestimates the entertainment value of his weird little comic book fantasies as well as his own cleverness, by a degree of around infinity squared.

Jupiter Goons

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And as you can see in the header, we’re off to La-La Land again. No, not Hollywood, as the Starbuck Jones movie and Boy Lisa’s struggles as an aspiring storyboarder guy with a new family to support arcs are dead in the water and circling slowly around the drain. No, I’m talking about LA-LA LAND, BanTom’s vivid little old-timey (sigh) comic book company fantasy world. Forget the insane muttering about the Starbuck Jones film, forget Boy Lisa’s Frankie-esque sneer, forget the fact that Jessica and Skylar are apparently taking the long way to California, none of that matters. It’s only a matter of time until one of these cretins says “hey, I wonder what Batom Comics was like in the olden days?” and bam, just like that it’s Cigar Guy and the two retro morons again, babbling away about imaginary comic books. All f*cking week.

Still though, this drivel is pretty funny in its own way. So Mason has been employed as the SJ male lead for a few YEARS now and they just recently signed his female co-star? Ummm, yeah, OK Tom, whatever you say. At this pace these idiots will still be laboring over this screenplay for years to come.

A Hole (Where My Comic Book Shop Used To Be)

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That’s right FW readers, on “his way” to work at the Korner, Harry routinely passes by yet another comic book shop, “The Black Hole” owned and operated by “Nick The Geek”. I am assuming that Crazy must be taking the long way to work or something. Anyhow, the two morons lament the state of the comic book business, make a stupid comic book reference and (zzzzzzzzz). You’ve seen it all before, over and over again. And something tells me it won’t be the last time either.