Status: Woe

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Har har har, these goth chicks today, amirite? You know, with all the rings and so on. Because in Westview, when you commit to something it’s for LIFE, damn it!

But seriously, it’s a real shame that there isn’t anyone to gently inform BanMan that maybe it’s time to just stop with the high school-centric premises, as this was definitely one of the most stupid and listless WHS arcs he’s ever done, which is really saying something. What’s next, a week’s worth of gags about fire drills? Water fountains? The way the floor gets slippery when the custodians mop it? If FW gets any more mundane it’ll just feature the characters standing there yawning day after day. And truth be told, it’d most likely be a huge step up.

So Does “Listless Pile Of Crap”

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Again, we see yet another Westviewian completely stripped of all free will and miserably going through the motions as if there’s simply no other way. Which kind of sums up FW’s entire run rather perfectly when you think about it. It’s almost impossible to believe that he’s somehow grinding an entire week out of this pitiful premise, yet here we are. And now he’s so desperate for content he’s resorting to using CODY to deliver his painfully bad class ring gags. He really needs to get out more and expand upon this “whatever happens to fall within my field of vision at any given time” approach he has to dreaming up these premises of his.

It’s Been Done

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Cody really should check in with Wally here, he once made a paper ring so nice he actually used it to convince a woman to MARRY him! True story!

But enough about war veterans without dogs, that’s so last week. This week we’re still immersed in the compelling and socially relevant world of high school class ring purchasing. I’m amazed that he never chose to tackle this issue before, seeing how it’s the most mundane premise imaginable and all. It’s just such natural BanTom fodder. I’m anxious to see just how many hilarious ring-related gags he has lined up for use in this premise. My current guess is zero and I’m standing pat with that.

Antisocial Insecurity

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In Westview, Social Security gets YOU! As if he’ll ever live long enough to collect THAT! Seriously though, I’ve always seen Owen’s Westviewian future as being sort of bright. He’s fluent in comic books and pizza, he wears the same clothes every day, he’s annoying, in other words he’ll fit in at Montoni’s or The Korner absolutely seamlessly. And someone at one of those businesses will die off or write a movie sooner or later, it’s inevitable. Now all he has to do is, you know, actually graduate.

Driving A Wedge Between Us

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I thought Wedgeman was a feared “senior bully” years ago. Now he’s in the same class as Stupid and Stupider? More proof that the Great Pulitzer Nominee doesn’t even care if anyone’s still paying attention. Like, for example, Wedgeman’s two entirely different noses today. Seriously man, come on. Someone go over to Batom Inc. HQ and poke him with a stick to see if he’s still conscious.

I’m just happy to see that TB is finally making school bullying funny again, like how it was back in The Olden Days when everything was way better. Owen’s been asking for it, you see? Kind of like when Lisa was shamelessly sauntering about senior beer-bashes with her red Solo cup like some sort of strumpet. In the Funkyverse you bring your fate upon yourself and even if you don’t it doesn’t matter as The Universe will strike you down sooner or later anyway. It’s all so clear to me now.