Tag: Christmas

Merry Christmas From SoSF!

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Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holiday Greetings Of Choice from your pals at SoSF! Your hilarious comments are the blood that oils the gears of snark! It’d all be nothing without you.

Special thanks to Team SoSF, your talents and witticisms are the engine that turns those aforementioned bloody snarking gears. Without you it’d just be two increasingly desperate souls trying to tell the world about the daily atrocities taking place in the funny pages. Here’s hoping that 2020 spares you those annoying “unavailable” weeks and those even more annoying ten week “Lisa’s Story” arcs as well. It’d all be nothing without you.

Leave it to BatWrite to turn little baby Skyler into a temperamental churlish little jerk on Christmas morning. No happiness, no joy, no basking in Santa’s bounty, just anger and greed. So typical of These Kids Today. I mean OK, deciding to not write jokes every day anymore and taking the strip in a new serialized dramatic direction is one thing but geez, can’t this guy just stop wallowing in this wry irony-based human misery for even one day?

Skyler holding a dripping slice of pizza and saying “pizza isn’t a present” would have been way, way funnier. BatHam seems to have a real problem with younger male characters. Cory was a surly hoodlum, Owen was a sleazy dirtbag, Cody was a weird pervert, Bernie is all gross and weird, Rachel’s kid was a cube-headed dolt and now little baby Skyler is an obnoxious little snot too. It’s like it’s a pattern of sorts. It’s almost as if he wants someone to leave his lawn or something.

Post Offal

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I don’t know what happened to him at his mid-central Ohio post office of choice but judging by his unrelenting hate for the USPS I’d be willing to wager that it was quite unpleasant and inconvenient. But putting his terrible trauma and lifelong grudge aside for a moment, it IS the post office, not the Make Tom’s Day office. You go in, you do your mail business and you leave. Sometimes there’s a line and sometimes the employee you deal with is a real dick. We’ve all been there and we all stew over it during the walk back to the car, but then we (meaning normal people) forget about it almost immediately. In other words, he really needs to get the f*ck over it already. It’s Christmas for God’s sake.

Chop Fooey

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Sigh. I have to assume that this is a play on musicians “busting out” their musical “chops” or possibly an attempted malaprop or maybe even both. I’ve been pondering it for ten seconds now and it’s another ten seconds I’ll never get back. Thanks, Tom. Nothing’s ever easy in this daffy Funkyverse of his, you know? It’s either a tedious, grueling plod to a barely-perceptible resolution or it’s a really dumb sort of ambiguous gag that takes a half an hour to get. This one-time Pulitzer nominee (fluke thing) can’t just tell a story or crack a joke, you have to wade through layer after layer of nothingness to get nowhere instead. Bah, humbug.

Dim Bulbs

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Q: How many Westviewians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one but it’ll take a really, really long time and ultimately be disappointing, confusing and possibly fatal to everyone involved.

I don’t know about you but these Christmas-themed strips are really beginning to grind my gears, man. He didn’t even check to see if the lights were plugged in first? What an imbecile. Do these Westviewian couples ever communicate with one another or what? Linda had no idea what Bull was doing, Cayla had no idea what Les was watching and now Holly is gaslighting Funky with Xmas lights. What a bunch of self-centered jerks. No one in this stupid strip is ever just having a plain old normal good time, even the smallest things are an endless tide of frustration and angst.

Chester Roasting On An Open Fire

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Uh, correct me if I’m wrong here but that comic book has not been properly slabbed and bagged, which makes it WORTHLESS. Why, sometimes it makes me wonder if these idiots are really “comic book collectors” at all. At least BatBore acknowledged the already-established fact that Chester already has every issue of SJ ever, which was a major plot point way back when he still represented the evil side of comic book (sigh) collecting.

So, did Octoshark have a shark head and octopus tentacles or was he just an eight-finned shark? Because one of those seems sort of better than the other. In any event, maybe he could apply this premise to the other characters. Holly could give Funky a slightly sharper pizza-cutter, Les could give Summer a slightly less slovenly hoodie, Cayla could give Les a slightly more cancer-y cancer book and so on. The possibilities are limitless.