Funky – Page 71 – Son of Stuck Funky

Speech to Text

The signs are in; this is going to be a s-l-o-o-o-w week. Today we have another sit-com level gag, although I think even the laugh-track would refuse to perform for this one.

I can see how this one was constructed–Holly’s last line is supposed to be the punchline, and Batiuk just worked backward from there (assuming I can use the word “worked”). But Funky’s dialogue in panel one, and particularly the emphasized word “you” seems to imply that Funky’s the one doing all the texting, while Holly’s riposte–again with “you” emphasized–implies that she’s been doing all the texting. Which is it?

I mean, if you cannot establish a simple premise (who does all the texting) in a single comic strip without stepping all over said premise, well, then it’s no wonder continuity, character and history are such a tangled, unaddressed mess in this strip.

I do appreciate the attempt at humor, though. It’s not funny, but the fact that there’s a joke lurking in here is at least an improvement worth acknowledging.

Mr. Lucky

Link to today’s strip.

Greetings, folks, BChasm back in the control room. Many thanks to Comic Book Harriet for excellent guest hosting the last two weeks. Well done.

As for today’s strip, yeah, I do feel lucky. The last few hosts have had to feast on stupid comic book schemes, Les’ eternal book tour or Pete’s love life; today I get one of the few characters in this strip that I don’t want to strangle, Funky himself. (Though with Funky’s life outlook, he’d probably beg me to.)

Don’t misunderstand me, he’s not a good character, but compared to the rest of the cast he’s a positive breath of fresh Spring air. His main drawback is his insistence on viewing everything in the most negative light possible, which gets very tiresome, but at least he’s not coasting on a giant cloud of (unearned) smugness, convinced of the magnificence of his (nonexistent) talent.

Anyway, what do we have today? Holly wants to micromanage the Cory/Rocky wedding, and Cory refuses to comply. Myself, I thought they were already married but, considering that unless the subject is comic books or Les Moore, Tom Batiuk cannot be bothered, I’ll assume they aren’t.

I don’t seem to have much to say here. I guess I’m just too relieved that we’re spared more comic books and/or Les.

If I Should Die Before I Wake

Glad Easter tidings, everyone! For the most part, Sunday-only newspaper subscribers who read Funky Winkerbean have been missing out on the Atomic Comics saga. In the month just ended, instead of advancing the Pete and Darin arc, Sunday strips have alternated between out-of-season football gags and one-offs involving the aging titular character. Whom we visit again today in what will either turn out to be one of TB’s red herrings (it really is “just heartburn”) or the beginning of the Very Specialest Very Special Funky Winkerbean Arc Ever. Don’t forget, Batiuk’s killed off a title character once before, though John Darling wasn’t the cash cow that Funky has turned out to be over forty plus years.

You’ve Got Fail

Link To Today’s Strip

Slower than THIS?? Please, God, no. If he takes it much slower he might accidentally rupture time itself and send the Funkyverse slowly wobbling into some infinitely boring singularity. Which would probably be a real improvement over watching these two imbeciles pawing at that representation of pizza, now that I ponder it. I can’t wait until Boy Lisa finally arrives back at the humble Fairgood abode, reeking of pepperoni and all hopped up on iced tea and comic book dreams. I’m “sure” Jessica “won’t mind” if Darin doesn’t bother saving her a slice or two as after all, brokering comic book deals all morning can give a young guy just starting out quite an appetite.

Oh that BatWrite, always so topical. Looks like word finally filtered on down to Batom Inc. HQ that the kids today don’t really use the electronic mail so much anymore, what with the texting and apps and such. Thus it’s officially quaint enough for a FW character to use, like that arc a few years back where Funky finally screwed together the courage to turn off the Dolby on his 3 CD changer shelf system. What a memorable fourteen weeks that was.

“The one” what? The “one” that’s the lone female to tolerate his presence without reaching for the taser? The one girl he’s gotten to FW second base (hand holding) with? He should be drugging her and heading for the first available justice of the peace, not dilly-dallying around with Boy Lisa. Remember, this idiot is in his forties here. The odds on him snaring another movie house heiress are slim to none and she knows he writes comic books and she hasn’t run away yet so yeah, it’s safe to say she’s “the one” all right. And if this witty banter is any indication, their nine and a half year email courtship ought to be steaming up the comics page for years to come.

Check out Harry, loafing around while he’s supposed to be upstairs selling comic books. I sure hope John can handle the midday rush all by himself. Or maybe he’s just biding his time, waiting for them to finish eating so he can sidle up to them…”pssst! You guys wanna buy some comic books, man?”. I guarantee it’ll work, too.

Just To Be The Man Who Walks A Thousand Miles To Maybe Get Around To Returning Your Call

Link To Another One

So, Pete’s struggling with his long distance relationship, mainly because he refuses to grow up and put a little effort into communicating with the great love of his life, Mindy. Just like his dear old pal Boy Lisa, Pete’s “girlfriend” is an afterthought, someone he’ll get around to eventually, probably. She’ll no doubt make a fine doormat when he finally allows her to marry him in some heinous comic book-centric ceremony, perhaps they’ll even have a seldom-seen comic book-themed named child or two.

Apparently the gag here is that Pete is a perpetual man-child, notorious slacker and lazy slob, which of course you already know, as Pete has been so thoroughly fleshed-out and developed over the years to a point where he’s a familiar old friend, like Klabinchnik or Mallory or Morty. A comics page icon, if you will. Armed with this wealth of Pete knowledge, you immediately laugh along with Boy Lisa at his good friend’s weary-eyed foibles. The work of a true master craftsman who’d never taint his work with some hoary old sitcom-style trope for a cheap chuckle.

BlehTom’s bro-banter is just as bad as his chick-banter is, especially when these two dolts are doing the bantering. Either move back to Ohio and marry Mindy in that goddamned gazebo or don’t, enough with the pathetic waffling and the godlessly plodding banter already. Pete’s discussing the woman he’s supposedly crazy about and he looks for all the world like he’s discussing his inflamed prostate and subsequent urinary issues there in panel two. This nonsense would be boring even if you did happen to be into hypothetical “old school” comic book companies and idiotic comic strip crossover long distance relationships, assuming such a person exists which they obviously do not.

I suppose I should mention Rachel but honestly, why? She works at Montoni’s, she lives above Montoni’s, life is already snarking on her as it is. Why pile on?