Harriet – Page 10 – Son of Stuck Funky

Saturday, July 20

ABOVE THE POST UPDATE: Oh my God. Oh. My. God. I never thought…I never dreamed…that this could come to pass…that this…this…

I’ve taken all the brain bleach that I have left. I don’t know what’s more powerful than that (“Nitric acid…pretty much destroy anything…” “But Ernie, there’s not enough of it–“).

For you the living, bonus…cough…bonus points if you can identify that dialogue…Funky-vision on full…oh my God…what I see…”If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out!” You know, it didn’t work for Ray Milland, if you’ve heard the rumors…

Apologies if some of the above is a bit obscure…it’s been a long week, and when it’s been a long week, the obscure tends to sharpen his talons and especially sharpen that trivia gland.

I’m…I’m frightened by what Sunday will bring. Hello? Hello? Is there anyone there? Don’t leave me in the Sunday Funky Winkerbean realm! AAARRGHHH!! For the first time, I regret my duty. TFH!!! I’ll be good! I promise I’ll be good!

ORIGINAL POST:

If you’ve ever read comic books, you know there’s always a story that eventually comes up where the hero loses his powers. “I shouldn’t have eaten that fudge cake that Toyman made! For, I’ve now lost all my super-dance powers! Still…fudge cake!”

So, for whatever reason, Saturday’s strip is hidden from my Funky-vision powers. I suspect it’s only temporary–it was only a small piece of fudge cake–but it means I’ll have to wait until the strip actually appears in the real world before I can say anything meaningful about it.

(Contest: did you spot the word that didn’t belong in that previous sentence? Yes, that’s right, it was “meaningful”!)

In the meantime, let’s all enjoy some vintage Gil Kane action.

Jam-packed with inaction!

Harry Don’t Play That

Link to today’s strip

You know what’s happening here, right? Harry is hanging up his coat in preparation of that putting out that he mentioned. Do you still have any of that brain bleach left over? Useful stuff, isn’t it! But with Funky Winkerbean, you don’t want to rely on the store-brand stuff, you want the professional kind.

I have no idea who Andy Clark is, other than the former keyboard player for Be-Bop Deluxe. (He was apparently the white-haired guy in the Sunday strip with the expression of wanting to be anywhere else than Montoni’s.) I also cannot recall any strip in the past, oh, year or so in which it was mentioned he was on an airplane (oops, there I go assuming again, he could be flying by jetpack–it is the future after all) and what that had to do with any of the sad, shriveled lives in Westview. I do remember that Harry had a book out, though. The reason for this shout-out baffles me, though. Of course, all of Funky Winkerbean baffles me, so that’s nothing new.

I’m going to take a stab here and look at this “Guys don’t do that” thing. By the way, I’m a guy and I do do that, so I don’t think Tom Batiuk’s illustrating some kind of “male truth” here. But I recall the strip from February or March in which Dopey Pete asked Darrin to give his regards to the old gang, and they both immediately agreed that they wouldn’t actually do this. That’s some very strange reasoning going on, if “reasoning” is the right word. Maybe “guys” don’t like to greet each other, or say “How’s it going” or some damn thing. But Harriet said “we” so is his own refusal supposed to override whatever she might do? Also, these people have been married for fifty years–wouldn’t she know a little bit about how her husband behaves? This is giving me a headache.

Also, it looks as if Harriet has sewn her right hand to her blouse. I suppose in Tom Batiuk’s worldview, that’s something that women just do, huh? Amirite, guys?

Andy Clark also played on David Bowie’s Scary Monsters album. Now he’s publishing books by Harry Dinkle. “Drug overdose” is starting to look like a better career-capper, eh Andy?

Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh, There's Panic In The World

Fun Not Included

Link to today’s strip

And another plotline deflates with a soft, farting noise, like a balloon animal lying long forgotten in a dust-covered toy box, in the attic of an abandoned house sitting silent in the rain.

This whole “Harry’s 50th Wedding Anniversary” arc has been dull even by Funky Winkerbean standards and folks, that’s saying a lot.

Let me mention something here. I was originally scheduled to assist Fearless Leader some weeks ago, but that conflicted with a trip out of town, so Fearless Leader wisely scheduled Mr. Epicus Doomus in my stead. A good thing too, as it turned out I had no internet access (other than a smart phone–have you ever tried to blog with a smart phone?). I mention this not because it’s interesting but because it illustrates the way in which most stories are told–something begins, there’s a crisis to be resolved, people work to resolve the crisis, and there’s a satisfying conclusion.

Now, my new superpowers only go as far as “sidekick” so I have no idea if this Harry-Crapper continues next week. But this story is like one told by a five-year-old. “There was this man and he wanted to give a lady a special party and he did and everything was great and then they went to Niagara Falls.” No tension, no drama, nothing unexpected–it’s as if Lucy promised Charlie Brown that she’d let him kick the football, and he did, and it was a pretty good kick. In other words, boring.

It does lend some credence to my idea that the characters in this strip are avatars of folks in Tom Batiuk’s real life, and that their portrayal rises and falls depending on how his relationship with them wavers. Note Fred Fairgood, who gave a little tour of his old apartments and then suddenly suffered a crippling stroke. I bet the real-life Fred’s Christmas card wasn’t quite up to Tom’s standard. Bull Bushka is the opposite example; once a bully and nemesis, now he is generally treated pretty well in Westview. I think Tom Batiuk met the real-life Bull a few years ago and the two of them found they got along pretty well.

So, I’m guessing that Harry Dinkle was an especially beloved teacher. (Unless he’s another author avatar. Shudder.) Harry is always treated with respect (in the strip) and so far as I can recall, he’s never interacted with Les. That’s the only reason I can see that Les was barely at the party, and he never gave out lame smirks and worse puns. Harry’s not to be smirked at, nor punned into.

But that’s no excuse to have nothing happen.

Pretty sad is the idea that this represents how Tom Batiuk’s own 50th anniversary happened. Even sadder if this represents how he wished it happened.

Niagara Falls?! Slowly I Turn…

Link to today’s strip

So, in addition to being cheap and band-obsessed, Harry fails to keep promises. I’m thinking I like this guy less and less. Harriet seems to feel the same way–“Hang on. You’re going to keep a promise…that you made over fifty years ago?” *SWOON*

Once again, the artwork amazes. Nate has a massive nose and mustache in panel one, as well as a slightly stretched head; if not for the fact that he’s wearing the same shirt, he looks like a different character in panel two. Similarly, his wife’s hair seems to’ve crawled back up her scalp in panel two.

Which is a good example of, yes, beady-eyed nitpicking. But riddle me this: when a strip is entirely free of interesting content, whaddya supposed to talk about?

Put Off

Link to today’s strip

Perhaps the sounds you’re hearing are from a mass zombie outbreak, in which millions of the newly-risen dead thirst for the flesh of the living. Perhaps it’s an asteroid, howling through the air on its way to smite us. Could be, but I think that if you listen carefully you’ll discover that you’ve been screaming for a long, long time.

I know what some (initials “TB”) might say: that the elderly have a perfect right to enjoy an active sex life. And I wouldn’t argue with that–what I would argue with is the depiction or the implication. There are a lot of biological processes that people do that are perfectly natural.

It’s just that we don’t have to watch them doing those perfectly natural biological processes, or read about how they’re just itching to do them. How many times have you seen characters in a comic strip use the restroom, for example?

–I’ve just given Tom Batiuk an idea, haven’t I? I am so, so sorry, everyone.

UPDATE: As Epicus points out in the comments, this was wrong when Frankie did it, right?

Gasp! Shock!

With the tiniest edit, we can indeed make this even creepier–

Poor John Candy