Tag: hatchet face

I Want To Take You Hire

Hello folks! I’m billytheskink and I’ll be your tour guide for the next two weeks. We’ll see some smirks, some jerks, and I may even pen a haiku or two.

Let’s begin the tour with today’s strip, a continuation of last week’s story about how arranging studio-released movie stills and reposting them online can lead to unexpected phone calls. This week we’ll be exploring what these unexpected phone calls lead to, which apparently are Hollywood employment opportunities.

Though one of our commenters here snark-ily suggested that Masone hire DSH last week, there is not a clear role for him to fill in the middle of production for the Starbuck Jones movie. Writer? Storyboarder? Creative consultant? “Grassroots” online advertising/promotion stooge? These positions should already be filled, shouldn’t they?

Eh, Masone’s hired half of Westview already (does he own the production company?), may as well hire the other half. Ten bucks says Lefty and Dinkle are scoring the film before the year is out.

Still Crazy

Despite an erratic and inexplicable production schedule, it looks like buzz is building for “the upcoming” Starbuck Jones movie to the point where the first images are being leaked online. Crazy Harry should know better than to think he’d have the “scoop” on ultimate fanboy John, who has managed to automate the process of gathering these treasures from the web. I can’t goof on DSHJ too much, as yours truly has a Google Alert set up that notifies me of online mentions of “tom batiuk”, but hey, it’s my job.

Marred, Mangled Manner

Hey! Didn’t we see today’s strip back on July 1?. Please don’t let this become a running gag…
Carl is not in view in panel 3. We can only hope he survived the performance.

The United States is now 240 years old, only a couple years younger than Funky looks these days. Have a safe and happy 4th of July everyone!

Schlock Solid

Link To Today’s Strip

Wow, Cindy is actually given the chance to (gasp!) smile today AND she actually enjoys a brief flickering moment of (gasp!) security too as Mason reassures her that there’s no way he’s banging Marianne Winters because he’s already combined (chortle) their CD collections. It’s better than nothing, I suppose.

But the artwork today is really something else again. Mason strikes a Boy Lisa-esque pose in panel one, his unruly thinning hair bursting right into his dialog bubble. Then in panel two all rules of perspective go flying out the window as he futilely tries to keep his enormous freak head from falling off his body completely. Then in panel three we wrap things up with a wry smirk and a truly frightening hatchet-face straight from hell’s infernal depths. What a display.

But I can’t complain too much here. I mean sure, this idiotic story went absolutely nowhere, SJ is no closer to being finished (or started) than it was a year ago and it made no sense whatsoever, but he did manage to go one entire day without mentioning Cindy’s age, which is quite rare indeed.

Schmaltz of the Foulers

I honestly don’t know how to read today’s strip. Really, no idea at all.

I suspect TB wants us to take Cindy’s overly maudlin metaphor and Funky’s seemingly-pleased reaction to it at face value, something that is rather difficult to do if you have a history of reading this strip. Funky and Holly are fairly amicable ex-es these days, but simply knowing that they are ex-es opens this up to interpretations such as Cindy rubbing her new beau in Funky’s face or Funky’s “So Mason’s the one?” being delivered with sneering sarcasm (“I was the one once too…” he mutters under his breath). Understanding that this takes place in the thoroughly unpleasant Batiukverse makes these alternate interpretations seem even more likely, as they fit the generally sour mood of this strip.

I’m actually more interested in the conversation going on at the other side of the room. Presumably, Mason is complimenting Holly on the Christmas decorations she bought at Dollar General 5 years ago, but maybe he’s just really excited about seeing a flat, printed cut-out of Santa Claus. Perhaps he is showing her the pose he does on the Starbuck Jones movie poster. Or maybe I just start inventing background stories when TB’s writing doesn’t hold my interest…