Tag: Holly

The sixty four dollar question

OK, so today’s strip is the one that reveals Cindy’s real reason for visiting Westview and Montoni’s with Mason, she desperately wants to convince him not to move to Westview once they’ve married. It’s not a bad strategy, after all, what better argument against moving to Westview is there than the current state of Westview lifers Funky and Holly?

Mason is a strange bird though (not just visually), and I guess is supposed to have developed some bizarre affinity for Westview when he visited back in February to read Holly’s collection of Starbuck Jones comics. In fact, his relationship with the town has been far more romantic than his relationship with Cindy ever has.

This looks like an uphill battle, but if Funky and Holly aren’t enough, Cindy can lay down the fact that Roger Miller’s “This Town” was written about Westview.

A Jarr-ing Announcement

Cindy and Mason’s reason for visiting Westview during the time around the winter solstice that is celebrated by certain faiths and cultures but not by others and all of these people are okay so please don’t sue the school board* is perhaps more clear in today’s strip.

Yes, she’s now engaged to a big Hollywood picture star and has come back to Westview to rub it in the face of her schlubby ex-husband at the very pizzeria he refused to leave in order to remain with her. Or maybe she hasn’t come back to rub it in and is just appallingly tone-deaf to how this looks to every person on the planet with common manners.

The real story today, though, is the mug on Cindy’s finance…

– I propose that every joke ever written about someone asking a horse “why the long face?” be modified to replace the horse with Mason Jarr.

– Mason Jarr once voiced an animated banana in a Dole commercial. Test audiences thought it was live-action.

– If you order Ronco’s 25 piece cutlery set in the next 20 minutes, you receive Mason Jarr’s face for free (just pay processing and handling).

– If Mason Jarr is seen in profile at an airport, he is confiscated by the TSA.

– When Mason Jarr played football, he would borrow Tony Zendejas’ helmet in a vain effort to better protect his chin.

* Also, kudos to principal Nate Green for supplying me with the student handbook-approved terminology for this time of year.

Thy king-dumb come

Oh, theres no place like Westview for the holidays
‘Cause no matter how you read today’s strip
When you pine for the weather of decent days
For the holidays, you’d best avoid the trip

I met a couple who lives in Hollywood
They were headin’ for, Ohio, and some awful pizza pie
From Ohio, folks aren’t travelin’ too quickly or too far
From Garfield Heights to Brunswick, gee, the traffic’s nonexistent

Oh, there’s no place like Westview for the holidays
‘Cause no matter if you’ve moved away high or low
If you want to be happy in any little ways
For the holidays, it’s best to just not go

The Finals Countdown

Link To Today’s Strip

Now I’m officially (even more) confused. I thought Wally and Rachel were in that group Santa-hat photo yesterday but apparently I was mistaken, as it appears that I was actually seeing a younger Funky and Holly…I guess. Maybe it’d be easier to tell who these characters are supposed to be if he’d bother to differentiate between them somehow, like by giving them different noses or something. And now Bull…who looks exactly the same as he does now, BTW…is involved too. And HE always make things funnier…right? RIGHT? Sigh.

And that school bus parked outside can only mean one thing…it’s Crankshaft Crossover time again. Sigh. You can kind of see him there in panel two, along with anon-o-characters who are probably “Crankshaft” regulars although I wouldn’t know as I never read that strip. And I’m certainly not going to start now, either. In fact I usually totally forget Crankshaft even exists until he does these crossovers. And I prefer it that way, as “Crankshaft” blows. Sigh.

(And speaking of FW-related comic strips no one reads…get your fill right here!)

Just Like The First Thanksgiving…But With Toppings!

Link To Today’s Action

A very Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, fellow snarkers! I’m thankful for a lot of things, not the least of which is knowing that I am NOT the only person who scratches their head in confusion and disgust after reading this thing every day, as for a long, long time I was sure that I was. At first I couldn’t figure out why they’d be video chatting with Funky and Holly instead of their own families, but then I realized they’re just thanking them for the pizza. Just a few weeks ago I was cracking wise about how we were due for some pizza in this strip and bam, right on cue. And what is Pete doing there? Get a paper plate or something, you idiot. He looks like he just realized he accidentally swallowed a hair or something.

If this is the best Thanksgiving of Boy Lisa’s life, things must have been even tougher than we imagined in the loveless Fairgood household. Damn that philandering, dream-squelching Fred! Such a monster. And don’t sweat it Funky, they’ll surely mention Montoni’s on the red carpet and during the acceptance speech and at the after party and on Jimmy Fallon, unless they get distracted by comic books first, that is. And don’t worry, if they stick to this all-pizza diet they’ll be plenty big soon enough.