Holly – Page 71 – Son of Stuck Funky

That Obscure Object of Desire

You thought I was kidding yesterday. Well, take a look at that maniacal expression fixed to Holly’s face. That’s the face of someone in the grip of an obsession. I can just see it now, she thinks, I can start the quest all over again–only with ashcan comics! Then I can start again, on all the foreign editions! And after that–

Once again, Holly gets what she wants with no (apparent to her) cost or effort. What a lesson for us all. “If you want something in life, just be a pathetic loser, and people will give it to you!”

As for Dickhead John, panel two is what you get when you insist on getting your hair cut at that comic-themed barber shop that’s tilted like a Batman villain’s lair from the old TV show. Poor drawing at its best.

And I bet panel three is what you get from John when someone is actually dying from a heart attack. C’mon, you old faker, you’re taking way too much attention away from me.

These people should all be buried in lava.

Sorry about being kind of half with-it this week, folks. There’s only so many things you can write about vanilla ice cream.

Ash Friday

Link to today’s strip.

I have no idea how accurate any of this is; it would seem to me that a pencil version of a comic would be so early in the process that copyrighting it would be rather premature. Supposedly, Jack Kirby would pencil marvelously (no pun intended) detailed landscapes in Thor and Vince Colleta would just cover them in black because he didn’t feel like inking all those details (source: Ronin Ro’s book on Lee and Kirby, Tales to Astonish).

Ordinarily, I’d defer to Tom Batiuk’s knowledge of the comic book process, but since he stumbled rather badly recently, he’s no longer my “go to” guy on this.

But this, all this, is missing the larger point.

Yesterday, Holly finally got the last issue she needed to complete Cory’s collection. And there was much rejoicing. Finally, this damned thing is OVER.

Today…well, she’s still looking through the comic boxes. She has no real reason to do so….

You know what that means, right? This isn’t over.

No, now that she’s completed the Starbuck Jones run…now she has to find the “ashcan” versions, because of course Cory would have a great interest in obscure means to control copyright. And of course she’ll also have to search for all the Giant Size Starbuck Jones, the digest-size reprint books, the crossover titles (Starbuck Jones meets The Kool Aid Man, Starbuck Jones versus Toyman), and on and on and on.

Listen, and understand. That Starbuck Jones quest is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

Break A Leg

Link to today’s strip.

~~Ron Jeremy’s~~ Tony [Isabella]’s overacting ought to tip off anyone that the fix was in, but Holly, being Holly, remains oblivious. Dickhead John smirks from the back, having made fools of two of his friends. What a special day for him!

The question here is this–

Will Holly actually pay that quarter, or will she insist on getting the issue for free, because Cory Winkerbean?

Workin’ on My Dick Moves

Link to today’s strip.

Wow. Just wow.

Just when you think a character can’t possibly be more of a dick, he descends into a full-blown scumbag.

Maybe I’m overreacting to this, but John knows Holly wanted that issue. She spent the money to go across country to Comic Con, and hunted for that issue. Got really upset when she couldn’t get that issue. Even went back to an empty hall, hoping to find that issue.

She had no other purpose at Comic Con. I’m sure they probably showed the teaser trailer for the upcoming Starbuck Jones movie, and instead she rode around in a little cart.

And now John wants to have a little fun for himself, at Holly’s expense. How long had he had that issue with him? A couple of days, I’m guessing. I guess he was really just enjoying all her worry and anxiety, as well as a totally unnecessary trip to Tony [Isabella]’s house. Or maybe he wanted revenge for having to do all that pedaling.

I’m sure Tom Batiuk and his various pseudonyms would say, “Oh, come on, it’s just a harmless bit of fun,” but I disagree. It seems to be much deeper, and much darker, than that.

You think you really dislike these characters, then they do something to make you realize you’ve barely scratched the surface.

You Left Out The “B”

Link to today’s strip.

See, it’s like John said “Garage Con” and I’m like ha ha ha more like “Garbage Con,” amirite? So I titled this “You Left Out the B” because that’s like a totally witty thing to do which all the kids are into nowadays, not like old times when they had some respect! Oh good heavens, just kill me now.

At least they’ve left Crazy Harry to die somewhere by the road, or he’d have come up with a third terrible comic-themed name for a place.

This whole comic book arc has been dead boring, more boring than any other story I can think of from this strip. Having a third straight week is like being told, “Hey, where are you going? You’re still in prison for another week!” Even the John Darling Who Was Murdered story at least had some folks who straight out hated him, which is what every non-ninny felt was what he deserved. And that hate at least gave rise to some semi-humorous insults and rude behavior.

The problem here is that comic books, for Tom Batiuk, are sacred objects and thus are not to be treated with disrespect–you know, like using actual jokes near them.

I have a better title than both “Fortress of Storage” and “Bookcave” put together: “The Hill of Dung.”