improper use of retcon photo album corner things – Page 2

The Fan-Tom Empire

Cowboys, thunder riders dressed in quasi medieval armor shooting futuristic weapons, robots with flamethrowers— The Phantom Empire viewed genre boundaries as mere inconveniences rather than limits…I became fascinated with the idea of taking what was considered to be a low art form and creating something of substance within those confines, of trying to take what others considered junk and turning it into something more. That thought continued to inform my cartooning choices for the next fifty years. It’s hard to overestimate the impact that The Phantom Empire has had on my developing brain.

From the introduction to The Complete Funky Winkerbean Volume One

So today, Batiuk’s “writing what he knows'” sharing with us readers a space opera that influenced his creative vision as a youth. At the same time he’s writing about something about which he has no idea: how today’s Hollywood motion pictures are made. “I think seeing that old serial is really going to be helpful with our movie.” Mason might as well be talking about a campfire skit or routine that they are preparing for a middle school talent show. And I’m waiting for the day when Darin snaps at his old buddy Pete: “Shut the fuck up already about ‘back in the days of Batom Comics!'”

Anyway, snarkers, it’s good to be back in the SoSF wheelhouse as we approach the 6th anniversary of Son of Stuck Funky! Stay tuned for a special announcement of the first contest around here in awhile. Details to follow! Happy Easter!

While I Ponder, Weak and Weary

Link to today’s swill.

It gets increasingly difficult to bother with the content of this strip. I think I spent more time writing that sentence than Tom Batiuk spent on the last month’s worth of strips. The strip above…I can’t in all honesty say that it was written at all. He overheard some five-year-old’s joke in the comic book store, and thought I can put that in the strip. Doesn’t matter where. It’s a space filler, a time waster, one more step toward that magical 50th anniversary when we can all go home. At least he knew enough not to make it a Sunday strip.

The other content is what makes today’s entry utterly pathetic. You just know that never in the last five years has Tom Batiuk worked himself into weariness like these two. That he would extol such dedication while avoiding it himself is one of the things that makes this strip so terrible.

That and the artwork. Seriously, this crap is just dismal. Pete in particular looks like he was drawn by a drunk with two broken hands, riding on a freight train in 1934 in the middle of major earth tremors. Panel three is an excellent illustration of “quality control” since you can see what you get when it is entirely absent.

On The Vast Historical Significance Of Doodles

Link To Today’s Strip

These comic book fantasies of his are getting weirder all the time. Didn’t think that was possible. Today we learn that retro Pete once visited the Superman creator’s (sigh) cousin’s house where he was shown an old piece of paper with incredibly vast historical significance, if you’re totally obsessed with comic books, that is. I guess those bubble corners in panel three signify that this is an old memory within a purely speculative faux-reminiscence-flashback, which tells you how convoluted and nonsensical this mess has become. Does BanTom seriously believe anyone anywhere is interested in this? And if so, why?

It’s just all over the place too. He has to once again mention Superman’s ties to Cleveland, another one of those mundane things that he finds fascinating for some reason. Then he segues into the Superman doodle via the dumbest segue of the week, some bullshit story about retro Pete knowing some guy’s cousin. Uh yeah, retro Pete, sure ya did. At look at that retro Pete smile, he looks like he’s struggling to remember exactly how to do it. Brutal.

Stupor, Man

Link To Today’s Strip

Incredible. Somehow, just out of nowhere, this nonsensical arc has become a comic book history lesson. Never saw it coming.

So, was Starbuck Jones an obscure cult classic or was it a huge sensation? Don’t ask Batom, despite it being his own personal fantasy he has absolutely no idea anymore. Maybe he should have created his little SJ universe BEFORE he started doing FW arcs about it, but the cat got out of that bag a long time ago. And now it’s all a big ugly mish-mosh.

And how does any of this relate to modern-day Pete and Darin’s situation? They didn’t create SJ, they were merely hired to work on an already-developed project. If Pete wanted a situation where he was in full control of his own creation, why did he leave his Mister Sponge gig in the first place? And as far as Boy Lisa is concerned, he’s fortunate to be involved with this idiotic movie at all. I’m not sure what the point here is supposed to be or even if there is one anymore.

Why So Blue?

Link To Today’s Strip

What the hell went wrong with the inking here? Why does it appear that Mopey Pete is wearing some sort of blue veil and glove combo? That crack Batom Inc. quality control team is something else again, eh? Nice work, you boobs.

I assumed they’d be jabbering about Jupiter Moon all week, but nope, instead it’s yet another remarkably clumsy segue into yet another pointless retro-pseudo sepia faux-flashback, this time featuring Cigar McBalding’s googly-eyed new car. I seriously doubt there will be ANY merchandise loot at all if these two imbeciles don’t finish writing that goddamned movie already. Now I’m no expert or anything, but I doubt the “Starbuck Jones” license holders will be too interested in sharing the wealth with a couple of whiny work-slacking goof-offs who wearily complain every time they’re given a task to complete. Just a few months ago Boy Lisa was slinging pizza in Westview, now he’s a Big City storyboarder working on a “red-hot” new superhero film, yet all he’s doing is bitching about it. Typical Westviewian, nothing’s ever good enough.