Les – Page 109 – Son of Stuck Funky

Apocalypse, Huh?

Whew! For a second there I thought she said “chemotherapy” and I was all like, “oh noes, not again!”. But nope, no cancer today, just a racially-insensitive and weirdly out-of-context remark from Cayla as DickFace tries desperately to think. And suddenly the “where will the reunion be?” odds shift somewhat, as Les’ house makes a bold narrative move on the outside. And by “bold” of course I mean “cripplingly stupid”.

Just look at him today…gak. He’s all worked up after totally botching his reunion organizing duties (mostly due to his incessant whining and simpering) while Cayla (correctly) browbeats him. Having that “in memoriam” board in her house might finally push her over the edge, or at least we can hope. I just can’t see how they could possibly fit that massive thundering herd into Moore Manor, I mean have you seen the size of those people? Mary Sue alone will just ruin those floor joists.

“Worse would have to come to the end of the world…”, is it just me or is that one of the clumsiest sentences ever? You’ve heard of syntax? Well, FW is syntaxing to read. And look at. And think about. And isn’t it funny how everyone in Westview speaks in cultural references from the 1950’s? I somehow doubt that young Cayla Williams spent her weekends watching “The Lone Ranger” and old westerns down at the local movie house, seeing how she was born in the late 1960s or early 1970s and all. Someone send him a link to Urban Dictionary or something.

Luckily, The Other 1% Are Already Dead!

Link To Today’s Thing.

No one can go from maudlin to goofy quite like the BatTom can. In this week’s installment of “The Most Annoying Man In The World”, it seems that Les (who up to this point has done nothing but mope and complain) has forgotten to book a venue for the thirty-seventh-and-a-half (or whatever) class reunion, which means the entire class will despise him EVEN MORE, as unlikely as that seems. Nice work there, dingus. What a dick.

Now longtime FW readers already know what this means. When there’s an event in need of a venue, it usually means it’s Montoni’s to the rescue. After all, what other local venue even exists? So let’s take a look at the tote board and examine the “where will the WHS reunion be held?” odds, shall we?

Montoni’s – even. By far the most likely outcome, plus Funky and Holly won’t have to walk too far. And pizza!

WHS – 5-1. Les (Cayla too) does, after all, work there. He could probably finagle some sort of deal with Principal Nate and hold the reunion at WHS itself, which would be pretty weird, but definitely plausible. And sepia-toned gym rope flashbacks!

Les’ house – 10-1. Seems sort of implausible, but not totally out of the question. And it could rain!

Gazebo Park – 50-1. I suppose it’s possible and there’s the possibility of rain and maybe even lightning (aka “hilarity”), but still. I just don’t see it.

Komix Korner – 200-1. Lord knows there’s enough room, as all John would have to do is kick Owen and Alex out for a few hours. But it’s pretty unlikely, unless they go for some sort of comic book-themed reunion. Which is never totally out of the question. But I just can’t see that thundering herd making it up that staircase, not even single-file.

CL

Link to today’s strip, when it appears.

So, I asked recently if Les Moore has ever done anything, since his “chairmanship” of the Coming Reunion Committee seems to involve him handing his duties to other people. Apparently, the answer is “no,” since we now learn that the one job he had to do–find a location–was not done. In fact, I’m gathering it wasn’t even discussed.

Now, this is remarkably stupid, even for this comic strip. I’ve never planned a reunion, but I’d think one of the first items on the agenda would be to decide on a location, since everything else kinda depends on that. But Les didn’t think of that, and not one of the ninnies he was directing thought to ask. Wow.

So Les is a FAILURE at scouting and selecting a location, and he’s a FAILURE at heading the Coming Reunion committee. No wonder he doesn’t want to do anything, and moans when he has to. He’s a FAILURE at everything he does. He should have pointed this out to Cindy right from the start and saved them all the heartburn.

Speaking of heartburn, sigh, of course we know how this little episode will resolve itself–Funky will be gracious, and somewhere near the end of this week or the next, Funky will smugly proclaim, “We don’t call Montoni’s the Chapel of Reunions for nothing!” as the class of ’78 sits down to grease-laden pizza slices. There are times when the strip is bafflingly unpredictable, and other times when you can see the denouement coming from miles away.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that this is my 150th post on this blog. (Hence the Latin numeral title.) Good grief (as another well-known blockhead was wont to exclaim). I’m not sure whether to celebrate or mourn, to be honest. One hundred and fifty? You blockhead!

As always, I thank you for your indulgence and your courtesy. Tomorrow, the incomparable Epicus Doomus takes over; be prepared to be entertained as he regales you with tales that witness madness…while I ponder, weak and weary, what my 151st post will bring, when next I resume the host’s chair. Until then…pleasant…dreams? Ha ha ha ha ha!

Lunch’s Unexpected Return

Link to today’s strip.

When I said yesterday, “It gets worse,” you probably thought, “How can it?” Well, now you know.

Those of you with weak stomachs may want to stop with Les’ first dialogue balloon, in which Les gets someone else to do his work, again, this time quadrupling his own workload to nothing. Has Les ever done anything? It sure seems all he does is complain when things are expected of him, and then he moans and weeps until someone else does all the work. Then he whines about how hard his life is, and, well, you know the rest.

If you’re brave enough to tackle the rest of the strip, let’s press on. Les has never gotten over the loss of his first wife, and everyone, simply everyone, is completely aware of this and does whatever they can, at all times, to help him heal. Because no one else in this world has ever lost a loved one. No one else has ever suffered. No one else bears the weight of the world like Les Moore. (It’s no wonder that someone like Wally, who has suffered far more than Les, is a character the strip treats with thinly-veiled contempt.)

Lest you think me callous, I do understand that losing a loved one is a lifelong thing, and that those who’ve left us will always be in our memories. But looking at Les’ sad, smashable face in panel two, you’d hardly think this was a guy who eventually married another woman, then wrote a comic book about how he’d found new love with his new wife.

Mary Sue’s phrase in panel two seems off to me–if I was sympathetic to Les, I’d say he still loves Lisa, and that’s why he remembers. Oh well, Mary Sue is, after all, a girl, and they’re not much good for anything in this world, are they. I’m surprised we didn’t get a third panel of Les patting her on the head and saying “Thank you for trying.”

There’s a phrase that describes Les Moore perfectly. That phrase is “wallowing in self-pity.” It’s the sort of thing that a normal person does for a time–possibly a long time–but then picks himself up and moves on.

But not Les Moore. He’s going to make sure you’re always aware of him, and through this awareness, he’s going to make you suffer.

Oh, before I forget, when I said it “gets worse” yesterday, I left out one thing–it gets even worse tomorrow.

Breakfast’s Journey Back

Link to today’s strip.

You can’t say I didn’t warn you.

You could concentrate on panel one, where Les has off-loaded yet another job to someone else, doubling his contribution of nothing. Barry looks positively Cory-esque (old school Cory) as he plots some kind of photo-related mayhem.

If you choose to go on to panels two and three, you have just saved a lot of money on an emetic. Oh, poor, poor, poor Les, always and everywhere to be reminded of his sad loss–a loss that happened well over eighteen years ago, and, after said eighteen years, he–uh, remarried. Whoops!

A couple days ago I said I wanted to slap Les. Strips like these make me want to bury an axe in his skull.

It also drives home the occasionally floated idea that Les’ marriage to Cayla was simply Tom Batiuk trying to get some awards. There is clearly no affection between the Les and Cayla; they’re together only because Mr. Batiuk wanted to be thought of as “with-it” and “hep.” When that (and the nominations) failed to materialize, Cayla pretty much disappeared as a character. Last time she did anything was getting all flustered at the thought of Mason Jarr the Movie Actor coming for a visit. She usually just stands there and beams at her prize man…while he, of course, only has eyes for Lisa.

The shadow of Les hangs over every moment in Westview. If Tom Batiuk had a month-long story arc in which Les was murdered, I’d cheer. And the strip would improve greatly–not having to play second fiddle to Les, the other characters would finally start to shine in their own light and the strip would become interesting again.

Naturally, that will never happen. Which reminds me….

Remember how I implied, “It gets worse” yesterday? Well guess what–tomorrow, it gets worse.