Les – Page 92 – Son of Stuck Funky

Computer Dating

It seems the slavering monster I was hoping for yesterday has been revised into an old piece of computing equipment. I’m guessing this is the old Act I computer which was obsessed with Star Trek, and um, had, uh, other characteristics I’m sure. Those of you who guessed this, please collect your prize money at the gate. Of course, I think that was everyone who looked at this week’s banner, so form an orderly line, folks.

Normally this would be a welcome thing, seeing this relic from the good old days of the strip…but I don’t know. The last time something from then was brought back…well, I can’t remember what it was but I seem to recall that it was ret-conned into being something terrible. Maybe it was Donna as the Eliminator, or Franky going from dumb jock to out-and-out rapist, or…something. These strips are so anti-content that I honestly forget most of them seconds after reading. (Or at least I give it the ol’ Westview try.) Thus, whenever anything from the “funny” days appears, my reaction is not “Oh boy, we’re going to lighten things up!” but “Oh, God, we’re taking this out of the closet so we can smash it.”

At any rate, the fact that the computer “sighs” can’t be a good sign. Perhaps it has some horrible, debilitating virus, and it wants to be smashed into flinders. Which makes me wonder why Tom Batiuk has never done an “assisted suicide” arc, the story of someone who finds existence so painful that they can’t continue. Certainly there must be a lot of folks in Westview who feel that way and can’t see pain as an opportunity for a pun. Seriously, if he carried it through it might get him that Pulitzer. I’d nominate either Cayla or Funky himself.

Finally, once again, Les hovers over the proceedings like an evil angel of death (even though he’s the shortest one there, a virtual midget). He contributes nothing except making the reader hate this comic even more. Look at him in panel one: “The hate is swelling in you now. Take your weapon. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.”

Wouldn’t it be great if Kibblesnbits accidentally tipped the computer onto Les, and it smashed his ribcage into a thousand fragments? And he made a noise like “Guuuhhh” and everyone thought that was so funny, and they couldn’t stop laughing? And they picked up the computer, and dropped it again, just so they could hear that noise and enjoy themselves?

I mean, it’s long past time Les did something funny, isn’t it? That would work for me.

In This Corner….

Link to today’s strip.

I dunno, Mr. Director Man, but everyone seems to be smiling at it so it can’t be a hideous, slavering monster that will devour all of you, so it’s hard to care. Naturally Les is right there, because of course he is. My God, what an utterly punchable face. The most loathsome man in the world.

Say, do you know how comic strips are made? Some guy–a cartoonist–scribbles a few bits of artwork down, then erases them and re-draws them until they’re as terrible as possible. Then the cartoonist decides, “How do I feel about my readers? Do I hate them, or do I really hate them?” and he writes down dialog depending on his decision. Then, he decides he really hates his readers after all, and adds Les Moore. If the cartoonist takes more than ten minutes to do all of this, he loses. Does he then start all over until he gets it right? No, don’t be silly, this is cartooning where “losing” is “getting it right.”

…I figured I’d take Tom Batiuk’s knowledge of how movies are made and apply it to a different profession. Because in reality, Jim Kibblesnbits wouldn’t be getting a check–the scene would have been re-shot and the people responsible for on-set security would, at best, be severely reprimanded. And the adults in charge of the field trip would probably be charged with reckless endangerment. Or, if they were lucky and no one saw Kibblesnbits and thus decided to get nasty, trespassing. Obviously, HeyItsDave explained this the other week, but it bears repeating every time Tom Batiuk decides his hard-won ignorance is preferable to how things actually work.

Credit where it’s due: the shift in perspective between panel one and panel two is actually pretty well handled. The presence of Les ruins both panels, but I’m sure he’s only there to represent Tom Batiuk’s middle finger to his critics. His expression for this function is perfect.

If Six Was Nine

Link to today’s strip.

This would have been much better had it been published back in April, but I guess Tom Batiuk figured he couldn’t set a senior trip in the middle of the semester. I still can’t help wondering if this is a cry for help.

Of course, since we didn’t see anything of the trip, it’s impossible to say what Les means. Don’t get me wrong, this is Funky Winkerbean so I’m sure he hated every second of it, but his answer to Cayla says absolutely nothing. Les’ answer could mean that he enjoyed the trip, and is wistful that there are only a few more left; his facial expressions don’t give a single clue.

I don’t know what this is, but I don’t think it’s called “writing.”

And Now, Part Two: The End

Link to today’s strip.

WOW.

So we get most of a week of Les spitting weak jokes at a bunch of parents, and then we…cut to the grand finale. No scenes of boarding the bus, no hijinks along the way, nothing with the hotel, or anything having to do with Washington DC. (Yeah, sure, the White House is mentioned. Mentioned.) All we get is two panels of a miserable looking bunch of people (Owen aside) staring dead-eyed into the distance.

And…that’s it. Yes, that’s all of it. That’s the entire senior trip. This way to the egress. That’s all she wrote. Th-th-th-th-that’s all folks! Finito Binito (sic).

This is pretty unprecedented for this strip. Hell, the simplest, most mundane tasks typically require several days of strips. Wedgeman’s ring comes to mind. Here, Tom Batiuk has willingly skipped over a potential couple of weeks. Not that I’m complaining, exactly–I imagine that a fortnight trapped on a bus with Les Moore would be sheer torture. Worse than stabbing a coloring book.

No, it is a relief to be spared all this. It just begs the question. How is he going to reach the 50th anniversary by passing up material?

There’s only one plausible answer, and we all know what that is.

He had to wrap this up so he could get back to Starbuck Jones. I mean, it’s increasingly clear that Starbuck Jones is all he cares about in this strip (and it’s creeping up in Crankshaft, too). He must know by now that Les Moore as “beloved character” is never going to happen. That seems to be why he’s pushing Starbuck Jones so relentlessly, even to the point of cutting off a Les arc.

So, next week I’m guessing we’ll get more people talking about Starbuck Jones. Not really doing anything–I think the bus scene exhausted his “show” abilities–but talking about how things might happen. His “tell” abilities are always at the ready.

Next week we’ll see if I’m right.

The Reels on the Bus Go Round and Round

Link to today’s strip.

Okay, someone’s going to have to fill me in on this. On the last senior trip (not implied, but shown in the actual comic), was there a huge problem because of the movies chosen? Like, did some teacher (or, horrors, group of students) choose Deep Throat, or Cannibal Holocaust to watch as the bus wended its onerous way to our nation’s capital? Because I can’t think of a) why Les would bring up the fact that he’s choosing the movies and b) why this might threaten his job. Now, based on their expressions, this is apparently a huge relief to the parents, which leads me to think this was an issue at one time. Either that, or the guy in the blue shirt just farted.

I’m sure Les’ choices will be something like Whose Life Is It Anyway (1981), The Mist (2007), Million Dollar Baby (2004), The Life of David Gale (2003), Maggie (2015), The Sweet Hereafter (1997)…you get the idea.

Having typed that–it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Tom Batiuk decided the seniors should all watch Cliff Anger’s old Starbuck Jones serial. Because, you know, Starbuck Jones. But I say this: if you’re going to do that, why not go for broke and have Les get a pre-release copy of the new Starbuck Jones movie. I mean, yeah, sure, it took years to write, but gosh, they’ve been filming for more than a week, certainly they’ve finished photographing, editing, and adding the effects and music, right? Movies are the easiest thing in the world to make. Not like comic strips. Comic strips require sweat and toil and a relentless focus on quality.

Well, not this comic strip, yeah. But otherwise it’s the highest form of art. Just ask the guy in the blue shirt.