Tag: Lisa

Light at the end of the Time Pool?

billytheskink here, occupying the SOSF time share for a couple weeks. I’ve just come back from a weekend of moving everything out of my parent’s house of 30 years in 100 degree heat, driving it 4 hours away, and moving it all again in 97 degree heat. I mention this because it was considerably more enjoyable than the last half of last week’s strips, now that I’ve got around to reading them.

So today’s strip confirms that the time pool works both ways, and that everyone’s internal organs and white Keds (and Holly’s elephant Q-Tip) apparently survived the trip intact.

Who do you need to convince, Cindy? This is literally everyone you interact with, plus some people that you don’t. Is convincing Barry Balderman and Principal Fairgood that you talked to your future self about the definition of “happy” really all that critical?

I do look forward to Act II Apple Annie Crazy’s attempts to convince the stagflation-weary populace that time travel is possible by showing them a stolen battery-operated device that he should have idea how to use and no way to charge.

If it is just so important, you know how the gang could really convince people that there is a “time pool” in Crazy’s locker? They could show it to other people… kinda like how Crazy convinced the rest of them in the first place. Nah…

The War of the Time Pools

No one would have believed in the early years of the twenty-first century that Westview was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than Les’s and yet as mortal as his own; that as pizza mongers busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.

Yet across the gulf of the internet, minds that are to Les’s mind as his is to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded today’s strip with beady eyes, and slowly and surely picked at nits.

Here ends my snark stint,
So off will I slink.
Coming up next:
Billy the Skink!

In which Bull is slow on the uptake

“D’oh!” mournfully Bull does not add after having failed to come up with a brilliant lie about why Old Lisa is absent from Not Her Reunion ([modified] panel 3)

“You’re going to get cancer, but you’ll have a chance to survive it if you make sure your clean bill of health is legitimate. You’re going to get a clean bill of health too soon because of a paperwork error. Here’s a copy of my book with all the important dates highlighted,” Old Les does not helpfully add, because he’s nowhere to be found and useful as a football bat.

Autographical existentialism

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Where am I? plaintively asks Tom Batiuk’s autograph. ([modified] detail from panel 3)

You’re in a hell of your own creation, we could unfairly tell the autograph, but of course it’s not its fault, but its author’s. Because here it comes, what passes for denouement in Westview. But not today.

Today is mostly about Crazy Harry talking to the future (obese, naturellement) version of his wife, the 1980s’ The Eliminator, a video-game dude too good to beat, until he turned out to be a gamer chick.

Or something about Batiuk fishing for a “girl power” Pulitzer. I can’t quite be bothered to remember her name or the last time their putative children were mentioned in the strip. Because they’ve been erased from history as thoroughly as has Hulk Hogan.

Stay tuned for

  • Bull being stupid
  • The third shoe dropping

A Brief History Of Banality

Link to today’s stupidity

“Hello, Mason? You’ll never believe this, but I was just talking to my younger self! No, I’m not drunk, they had a time pool in Crazy’s locker and…hello? Mason?”

The Browns gag isn’t that bad but otherwise yikes, this is some of the worst dialog I’ve ever seen in FW, which isn’t saying much as I make that statement at least twice a week. It’s almost as if Batom dreamed up the premise, then kicked back with a non-alcoholic craft brew, then suddenly realized that “hey, I still need a story here!”. Then he threw together whatever came to mind first. Cell phones, Facebook, massive weight gain…yup,that covers the last thirty seven years all right. Sigh. Too bad they don’t award Pultizers for premises that never go anywhere, otherwise TB would be at Home Depot every weekend buying new shelving.

I would figure that Mary Sue might be a little more surprised to be speaking to Lisa, especially given that she just put together the memorial board (featuring Lisa) a few weeks ago. But instead she’s chatting with her about cell phones as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to be talking to a young version of a woman who died eighteen years ago. Fat, stupid AND boring…boy, Batiuk REALLY has it in for those “popular girls” from high school, eh?

And speaking of Lisa, it’s absolutely flabbergasting that no one seems shocked, amazed or horrified that the most noteworthy dead Westviewian is suddenly dorking up the gym with her banal utterances. Perhaps they’re just so familiar with Ghost Lisa that it doesn’t merit more than a “meh” anymore. I know how THAT is. And sorry there Retcon Boy, but Lisa was never an “original” part of the WHS “gang”, nice try though.

Anyway, stay tuned as the always snarktastic Oddnoc bravely throws himself on next’s week’s grenade! Band boxes? Bedside Manor? Dead characters suddenly springing back to life? Find out with the rest of us on Monday night! Until next time…stay Funky!