Montoni's – Page 48 – Son of Stuck Funky

Adults Only

So Halloween Week begins with Rachel helpfully reminding the readers that the detested and largely-forgotten Cory is still in the army, toiling away in Afghanistan (which as you know is no place for a FW character to be). Meanwhile, the World’s Youngest Elderly Person crabbily takes a shot at Facebook (registered trademark, BTW), declaring it to be no more than mere child’s play. Although in this case I can’t say I really blame him, as if I was in his position I wouldn’t especially want to remember Cory either.

Perhaps Boy Lisa could use his technological skill set to create a Westviewians-only social network (SmirkBook??). There could be a “bemused” button instead of “like” and the “friends” list would become “people I grudgingly tolerate”. And instead of profile pics you’d post a scan of your medical history. It’d be the perfect place for posting pizza sales, obituaries, new arrivals at the Korner, Lisa videos, weather forecasts for charity runs and band contests and such. Don’t be afraid of the technology, ~~Tom~~ Funky… embrace it.

You Ring, We Bring

TFH here, tippin’ the ol’ SoSF chullo to Oddnoc for two weeks of killer guest posts! Tomorrow, Epicus Doomus steps in!

If Batiuk had ever gone to the trouble of fleshing out the character of Funky’s dad, then maybe we could afford ourselves a chuckle at today’s strip. When he cropped up in Act III, Pa’s broken hip was just a link in a week-long chain of mishaps that befell Funky on his birthday. Since then, Dad (whom Batiuk hasn’t given a first name) is rolled out any time the author wishes to make Funky seem sympathetic: Funky has to schelp his father home to “celebrate” Christmas, or to the mall Food Court for a Father’s Day “lunch”. Dad exists merely as just one more cross for Funky to bear.

The Water Boy

I thought for a minute that “the little boy in booth two” was Rachel’s son Robbie, whom we’ve not seen since January 2011. Nope, he’s just another luckless Montoni’s customer. Meanwhile, our old friend the green pitcher features prominently in today’s story!

Snarkers, tune in tomorrow as @Oddnoc (a.k.a. Withering Heights) begins a guest-hosting stint!

The Business End

Today’s strip

Naturally, anything called “Merchant’s Day” would have to feature the only two functioning businesses in Westview. What I don’t get is how cavalierly John runs his comic book shop. Here are a couple of potential customers who, yeah, might not read comics themselves, but might know people who do and thus might buy gifts, and John can’t even be bothered to look up. Isn’t he perpetually behind in his rent payments? Isn’t the entire town continually strapped for cash? Does he not want to even try to make money? Look at the expression on his face: it just screams “Get out of my shop. Get out of my shop. If I don’t look up maybe they’ll just go away.”

Besides, given the fact that John frequently proselytises everyone about the art and value of comic books, you would think in his world there wouldn’t be anyone who wasn’t a potential fan, just waiting to have him open up a whole new world for them. Yet here he doesn’t even try.

Yes, I do know that the words “try” and “attempt” and “strive” and so forth are considered curse words in Westview, but the continual avoidance of those activities is just so. Damned. Wearying.

…come to think of it, this particular episode seems to sum up Funky Winkerbean in a nutshell. “Look…here’s something.” Lady, if you only knew how wrong you are. “Never mind…this isn’t a store.” You know what else it isn’t? A joke. The joke is right here, and it’s on us.

Homedumbing Lame

Link to today’s strip

Sound logic there, Funky, you could land a gig with several NFL franchises or TV networks with that kind of keen pigskin analysis. No, seriously, he’d probably be an upgrade in a few cities (all eyes peer eastward to East Rutherford or westward to Oakland). At least the question of how Bull keeps his job has been answered: turns out the school board is always composed entirely of morons. “Let’s stay the course and hope that the law of averages balances things out”, otherwise known as “the roulette strategy”.

Seriously though, way to sell the program there, Tubby. Sitting there on the bench, gorging on pizza while his young charges get the crap knocked out of them by other high school programs whose coaches actually pretend to give a damn, doing little other than complaining, being grossly overweight and nonchalantly mocking his team’s incompetence. I mean I realize that BatTom has been doling out the karmic revenge upon Bull for a long, long time but seriously, does he have to be so thoroughly unlikeable? (I meant Bull but it works the other way too I suppose).

Suggestion re: a possible winning, successful, revenue-generating future WHS sports program…competitive eating. That is all.