Westview High School – Page 41

Go Forth and Be All The Failure You Can Be!

I was actually reading an article recently that was a bit critical of having celebrities delivering commencement addresses instead of weightier, more scholarly people. The idea was that the scholars could give wise council and practical advice, but all you’d get from celebrities would be jokes and vapid pronouncements. I don’t care one way or the other, but in this case, Principal Nate’s request surprises me.

What’s Mason done that would make him an attractive candidate? He’s an actor who is apparently frightened of speaking before a group of high school kids–and I’m thinking he’s frightened for a damned good reason. His only known credit in the strip (and the one he himself immediately names) is Dino Deer, which sounds like something the SyFy channel would reject without hesitation. True, he is in the new Starbuck Jones movie (I knew we were getting back to that) but that hasn’t even wrapped yet so there’s no telling if it will add to his luster (ie, Guardians of the Galaxy) or become a millstone (ie, Green Lantern).

His one inexplicable accomplishment is that everyone in Westview is infatuated with him–for no real discernible reason, other than he’s better looking than any other male in town. All the women at Les’ house were practically fainting when he was staying there–this for a guy who was in Dino Deer. I’m trying to think of a real-life actor who is similarly beloved at large, despite having only mediocre films under his belt.

But this is apparently just what Principal Nate is looking for–a handsome man who has some mad money, but is otherwise unaccomplished. (I’m starting to be convinced that Mason was born into wealth, and his acting is more of a hobby than a profession.) I guess this will prepare the students for the life of mediocrity that awaits them in Westview (without the “handsome” part of course, and with the “mad money” being unlikely) but it seems pretty uninspiring. I guess Nate’s idea is to get someone who can lie to them convincingly on this one day, when hope is still reachable, before their lives crash to earth the next morning.

Of course, using another, less random speaker would mean that Tom Batiuk would have to introduce a new character, and build that character until he (or she) seemed a good choice for commencement speaker. But that seems like a lot of work, so I guess Mason will do. I’m sure he would have loved using Les Moore, but not to worry, I’m sure Mason’s speech will be eerily Les-like.

If Six Was Nine

Link to today’s strip.

This would have been much better had it been published back in April, but I guess Tom Batiuk figured he couldn’t set a senior trip in the middle of the semester. I still can’t help wondering if this is a cry for help.

Of course, since we didn’t see anything of the trip, it’s impossible to say what Les means. Don’t get me wrong, this is Funky Winkerbean so I’m sure he hated every second of it, but his answer to Cayla says absolutely nothing. Les’ answer could mean that he enjoyed the trip, and is wistful that there are only a few more left; his facial expressions don’t give a single clue.

I don’t know what this is, but I don’t think it’s called “writing.”

The Reels on the Bus Go Round and Round

Link to today’s strip.

Okay, someone’s going to have to fill me in on this. On the last senior trip (not implied, but shown in the actual comic), was there a huge problem because of the movies chosen? Like, did some teacher (or, horrors, group of students) choose Deep Throat, or Cannibal Holocaust to watch as the bus wended its onerous way to our nation’s capital? Because I can’t think of a) why Les would bring up the fact that he’s choosing the movies and b) why this might threaten his job. Now, based on their expressions, this is apparently a huge relief to the parents, which leads me to think this was an issue at one time. Either that, or the guy in the blue shirt just farted.

I’m sure Les’ choices will be something like Whose Life Is It Anyway (1981), The Mist (2007), Million Dollar Baby (2004), The Life of David Gale (2003), Maggie (2015), The Sweet Hereafter (1997)…you get the idea.

Having typed that–it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Tom Batiuk decided the seniors should all watch Cliff Anger’s old Starbuck Jones serial. Because, you know, Starbuck Jones. But I say this: if you’re going to do that, why not go for broke and have Les get a pre-release copy of the new Starbuck Jones movie. I mean, yeah, sure, it took years to write, but gosh, they’ve been filming for more than a week, certainly they’ve finished photographing, editing, and adding the effects and music, right? Movies are the easiest thing in the world to make. Not like comic strips. Comic strips require sweat and toil and a relentless focus on quality.

Well, not this comic strip, yeah. But otherwise it’s the highest form of art. Just ask the guy in the blue shirt.

Half in the Bag

Link to today’s strip.

There are some things that Tom Batiuk is quite good at drawing. Everyone knows about the bricks, and our own TFH likes the way he draws the back of the ear. He’s also really, really good at drawing bored people, especially in groups. The expressions in panel one make up a nice image gallery of people who are bored out of their skulls. Some of them are practically melting in their desire to escape, but there’s no mistaking the dreary ennui etched in their faces. (Les and Linda in panel two are excellent examples of faces drawn in such a way that you want to punch them…so that might be another thing he’s good at drawing.)

Earlier I questioned whether there had to be a face-to-face meeting with parents to discuss the senior trip, and today the answer is clearly “No, it’s not necessary at all. A one-page printout would do perfectly, and not inconvenience everyone to attend an after-hours meeting. However, Les has some ‘jokes’ to deliver and he can’t do that in a printed sheet, so a meeting there will be.”

And not just one meeting. Even a cursory glance shows that the crowd in panel one has been replaced by a completely different set of parents in panel two. Meaning that apparently one crowd goes in to get smirked at by Les, and then they leave and another bunch comes in…I have this horrible idea this goes on for hours, long into the night, with Les delivering his idiotic quips over and over, each time with the idea that maybe this time someone will be smart enough to appreciate him and let out a hearty laugh. What a sad, delusional, detestable man.

I have no idea why Linda is there. Is she supervising? Is she going to be speaking next? If some parent stands, yells “For God’s sake, doesn’t this guy ever shut up?” and starts wailing on Les with a folding chair, is she there to try and stop it? (Bad Linda! Les will never learn if you interfere!)

One entirely plausible scenario is that Principal Nate called Linda into his office and said, “I want you to go to the meeting and smirk at his ‘jokes.’ You’ll know when he makes them–there’ll be a long pause and a smirk. I’m not asking you to laugh, I’m not that cruel. But last year I had two damned days of Les whining about how no one appreciated him because no one laughed at his–” Principal Nate waves his hand in a dismissive gesture. “–jokes.” Long pause, and Principal Nate’s face hardens, his stare intensifies. “I’m not going through that again.”

Principal Nate is lucky. He can choose that path. Everyone else…not so lucky.

Owen to Circumstances

Link to today’s strip.

I think we have another first, folks. I think this is the first time Les has been rendered with anything other than loving detail. Look at that grinning death’s head in panel two. I’m thinking his jaw is about to unhinge so he can devour that poor woman.

Panel three makes this another strip wherein I wonder what kind of audience Tom Batiuk thinks he has. In order to get this “joke” you have to know who Owen is and you have to know that he wears that stupid chullo at all times. That means you have to be a regular reader who enjoys the strip enough to know the cast…the very sort of reader that Tom Batiuk has driven off with pointless, boring characters like Owen. Seems like one of those unsolvable puzzles. Could there possibly be such a thing as an Owen fan? It seems scarcely credible. And since that’s the case, one would regard an episode like today’s as another example of a strip perfectly designed to appeal to no one.

Is there anyone out there who thinks it’s hilarious that a son would wear the same headgear as his father? That’s the joke. I guess it’s supposed to indicate that Owen is following his dad’s fashion sense?

I don’t know about you, but when I look at Owen he doesn’t strike me as the sort who has any respect for his parents…or anyone else, for that matter (except comic book characters of course). He looks like the kind of lazy slacker who wonders why achievement isn’t handed to him, because he’s so deserving and all. He looks like the kind of kid who smokes dope at every opportunity…and maybe that’s what Chullo Senior does, too. The sloped neck, the half-lidded eyes…yeah, I guess dad prepped for a meeting with Les Moore in a very practical manner, by raiding his son’s stash.

Maybe I’ve got this backwards, and Chullo Senior is actually following in his son’s footsteps. Or maybe the lesson here is that I should get totally baked. I bet if I did, this strip would be the height of hilarity.