Westview High School – Page 42

In This Corner….

I dunno, Mr. Director Man, but everyone seems to be smiling at it so it can’t be a hideous, slavering monster that will devour all of you, so it’s hard to care. Naturally Les is right there, because of course he is. My God, what an utterly punchable face. The most loathsome man in the world.

Say, do you know how comic strips are made? Some guy–a cartoonist–scribbles a few bits of artwork down, then erases them and re-draws them until they’re as terrible as possible. Then the cartoonist decides, “How do I feel about my readers? Do I hate them, or do I really hate them?” and he writes down dialog depending on his decision. Then, he decides he really hates his readers after all, and adds Les Moore. If the cartoonist takes more than ten minutes to do all of this, he loses. Does he then start all over until he gets it right? No, don’t be silly, this is cartooning where “losing” is “getting it right.”

…I figured I’d take Tom Batiuk’s knowledge of how movies are made and apply it to a different profession. Because in reality, Jim Kibblesnbits wouldn’t be getting a check–the scene would have been re-shot and the people responsible for on-set security would, at best, be severely reprimanded. And the adults in charge of the field trip would probably be charged with reckless endangerment. Or, if they were lucky and no one saw Kibblesnbits and thus decided to get nasty, trespassing. Obviously, HeyItsDave explained this the other week, but it bears repeating every time Tom Batiuk decides his hard-won ignorance is preferable to how things actually work.

Credit where it’s due: the shift in perspective between panel one and panel two is actually pretty well handled. The presence of Les ruins both panels, but I’m sure he’s only there to represent Tom Batiuk’s middle finger to his critics. His expression for this function is perfect.

Go Forth and Be All The Failure You Can Be!

Link to today’s strip.

I was actually reading an article recently that was a bit critical of having celebrities delivering commencement addresses instead of weightier, more scholarly people. The idea was that the scholars could give wise council and practical advice, but all you’d get from celebrities would be jokes and vapid pronouncements. I don’t care one way or the other, but in this case, Principal Nate’s request surprises me.

What’s Mason done that would make him an attractive candidate? He’s an actor who is apparently frightened of speaking before a group of high school kids–and I’m thinking he’s frightened for a damned good reason. His only known credit in the strip (and the one he himself immediately names) is Dino Deer, which sounds like something the SyFy channel would reject without hesitation. True, he is in the new Starbuck Jones movie (I knew we were getting back to that) but that hasn’t even wrapped yet so there’s no telling if it will add to his luster (ie, Guardians of the Galaxy) or become a millstone (ie, Green Lantern).

His one inexplicable accomplishment is that everyone in Westview is infatuated with him–for no real discernible reason, other than he’s better looking than any other male in town. All the women at Les’ house were practically fainting when he was staying there–this for a guy who was in Dino Deer. I’m trying to think of a real-life actor who is similarly beloved at large, despite having only mediocre films under his belt.

But this is apparently just what Principal Nate is looking for–a handsome man who has some mad money, but is otherwise unaccomplished. (I’m starting to be convinced that Mason was born into wealth, and his acting is more of a hobby than a profession.) I guess this will prepare the students for the life of mediocrity that awaits them in Westview (without the “handsome” part of course, and with the “mad money” being unlikely) but it seems pretty uninspiring. I guess Nate’s idea is to get someone who can lie to them convincingly on this one day, when hope is still reachable, before their lives crash to earth the next morning.

Of course, using another, less random speaker would mean that Tom Batiuk would have to introduce a new character, and build that character until he (or she) seemed a good choice for commencement speaker. But that seems like a lot of work, so I guess Mason will do. I’m sure he would have loved using Les Moore, but not to worry, I’m sure Mason’s speech will be eerily Les-like.

If Six Was Nine

Link to today’s strip.

This would have been much better had it been published back in April, but I guess Tom Batiuk figured he couldn’t set a senior trip in the middle of the semester. I still can’t help wondering if this is a cry for help.

Of course, since we didn’t see anything of the trip, it’s impossible to say what Les means. Don’t get me wrong, this is Funky Winkerbean so I’m sure he hated every second of it, but his answer to Cayla says absolutely nothing. Les’ answer could mean that he enjoyed the trip, and is wistful that there are only a few more left; his facial expressions don’t give a single clue.

I don’t know what this is, but I don’t think it’s called “writing.”

The Reels on the Bus Go Round and Round

Link to today’s strip.

Okay, someone’s going to have to fill me in on this. On the last senior trip (not implied, but shown in the actual comic), was there a huge problem because of the movies chosen? Like, did some teacher (or, horrors, group of students) choose Deep Throat, or Cannibal Holocaust to watch as the bus wended its onerous way to our nation’s capital? Because I can’t think of a) why Les would bring up the fact that he’s choosing the movies and b) why this might threaten his job. Now, based on their expressions, this is apparently a huge relief to the parents, which leads me to think this was an issue at one time. Either that, or the guy in the blue shirt just farted.

I’m sure Les’ choices will be something like Whose Life Is It Anyway (1981), The Mist (2007), Million Dollar Baby (2004), The Life of David Gale (2003), Maggie (2015), The Sweet Hereafter (1997)…you get the idea.

Having typed that–it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Tom Batiuk decided the seniors should all watch Cliff Anger’s old Starbuck Jones serial. Because, you know, Starbuck Jones. But I say this: if you’re going to do that, why not go for broke and have Les get a pre-release copy of the new Starbuck Jones movie. I mean, yeah, sure, it took years to write, but gosh, they’ve been filming for more than a week, certainly they’ve finished photographing, editing, and adding the effects and music, right? Movies are the easiest thing in the world to make. Not like comic strips. Comic strips require sweat and toil and a relentless focus on quality.

Well, not this comic strip, yeah. But otherwise it’s the highest form of art. Just ask the guy in the blue shirt.

Half in the Bag

Link to today’s strip.

There are some things that Tom Batiuk is quite good at drawing. Everyone knows about the bricks, and our own TFH likes the way he draws the back of the ear. He’s also really, really good at drawing bored people, especially in groups. The expressions in panel one make up a nice image gallery of people who are bored out of their skulls. Some of them are practically melting in their desire to escape, but there’s no mistaking the dreary ennui etched in their faces. (Les and Linda in panel two are excellent examples of faces drawn in such a way that you want to punch them…so that might be another thing he’s good at drawing.)

Earlier I questioned whether there had to be a face-to-face meeting with parents to discuss the senior trip, and today the answer is clearly “No, it’s not necessary at all. A one-page printout would do perfectly, and not inconvenience everyone to attend an after-hours meeting. However, Les has some ‘jokes’ to deliver and he can’t do that in a printed sheet, so a meeting there will be.”

And not just one meeting. Even a cursory glance shows that the crowd in panel one has been replaced by a completely different set of parents in panel two. Meaning that apparently one crowd goes in to get smirked at by Les, and then they leave and another bunch comes in…I have this horrible idea this goes on for hours, long into the night, with Les delivering his idiotic quips over and over, each time with the idea that maybe this time someone will be smart enough to appreciate him and let out a hearty laugh. What a sad, delusional, detestable man.

I have no idea why Linda is there. Is she supervising? Is she going to be speaking next? If some parent stands, yells “For God’s sake, doesn’t this guy ever shut up?” and starts wailing on Les with a folding chair, is she there to try and stop it? (Bad Linda! Les will never learn if you interfere!)

One entirely plausible scenario is that Principal Nate called Linda into his office and said, “I want you to go to the meeting and smirk at his ‘jokes.’ You’ll know when he makes them–there’ll be a long pause and a smirk. I’m not asking you to laugh, I’m not that cruel. But last year I had two damned days of Les whining about how no one appreciated him because no one laughed at his–” Principal Nate waves his hand in a dismissive gesture. “–jokes.” Long pause, and Principal Nate’s face hardens, his stare intensifies. “I’m not going through that again.”

Principal Nate is lucky. He can choose that path. Everyone else…not so lucky.