Westview High School – Page 63

Secret Origins of Super Villains

I’m going to skip the dialogue in today’s episode, mostly because it’s just too stupid to acknowledge. What interests me most is the lunch lady’s face in panel three. That face simply screams That’s it. I quit. I refuse to listen to this kind of crap, from these sub-morons. I’m going back to being a greeter at Sprawl-Mart.

That, my friends, is the face of someone who has just been defeated by the Super-Friends for the second time…meaning that they have now chosen evil as a career. The Super-Friends thwart you the first time, well, you probably just had a bad break in your life and took to crime to feed the family. The second time around, though, means you’ve picked evil because you like evil. And you’re already preparing your third crime…revenge, against those Super-Fools!

With a Fried Egg on Top And Spam

Link to today’s strip.

Geez, Owen…in Westview, insulting someone’s sarcastic ability is like slapping them with a glove, or yelling personal remarks about their ancestry. Pistols at dawn; bring your second! By insulting the lunch lady, she’s honor-bound to respond and you’ll be lucky if you only find yourself fishing your filthy hippie hat out of your casserole, rather than your whole head. (At the very least the lunch lady should nail your head to the floor.)

Sarcasm is the very lifesblood of the citizens of Westview. It is valued more than money. The only more holy aspiration is the pun, and this lady’s memorized recitation already shows that she prepares well enough to challenge anyone in any of the Westview arts.

Besides, who wouldn’t want to see Owen punched out by a little old lady? I know I would. Heck, I’d set up a stand and sell tickets. The souvenir program book would outsell Fallen Star on eBay by a wide margin.

Surprise Surprise

Greetings, folks, BChasm back for another tour in the trenches. And what is on the menu for today (see what I did there)?

Someone less kind than myself might note that the dialogue in panel 3 perfectly fits Tom Batiuk’s method of constructing a comic strip. After all, while the particular events in Funky Winkerbean can’t always be foreseen, certainly none of outcomes for any of the stories is ever in doubt–it’ll end in tears, or, more likely, a weary shrug, a tired scowl and a terrible pun. You can say that about every story presented in the last few years; notice that I’ve written two paragraphs already without a single mention of the characters involved in today’s comic. This paragraph could serve as a perfectly generic yet perfectly accurate summation of every strip, every day.

Having said all that, I’d like to say that Funky Winkerbean is actually quite full of surprises. There have been many events over the last couple of years that were completely and totally out of the blue–Crazy Harry losing his job, Kevin having moved on, Kerry Fairgood, the reappearance of Alex, Frankie’s return, Khahn’s store closing, and so on.

The problem, as you’ve already guessed, is that none of these surprises are handled in an interesting manner. At all. Kerry Fairgood appeared and disappeared over the course of a week. Impact on the strip: zero point zero. Frankie’s weeks-long arc was one long stretch of nothing happening. Franklyn Simpson Pierce…has no strip impact.

I guess what I’m ultimately saying is, go ahead and eat your glop, Owen and Cody. Nothing will happen to you as a result.

Funny how the whole rationale behind getting rid of the vendos was so that the students would eat better, healthier food, and look at the unappealing bilge piled on that plate! Ha ha, it’s funny because school lunches.

Lack of surprising things happening isn’t Funky Winkerbean‘s problem. Having a surprise that has an impact on the strip…now, that would be a surprise.

‘Goats of a Chance

The die is cast: Skyler is destined to attend Westview High and become the star quarterback who finally makes a winning team of the Scapegoats. Check out the futuristic football helmets! Check out that throwing stance (just like Jarod)! Check out how baby Skyler is already sitting up on his own at two weeks of age!

Ironic Punishment Indeed

Today’s strip

Poor Wedgeman, you hate to see a kid throw away his eighth year of high school over getting involved with illegal laxatives like that. A kid’s fourth senior year should be the highlight of their young life. When will these kids today learn that there’s no chemical solution for a dietary problem? And not only is Wedgeman disappointing himself, but he’s also letting down his teammates who he’s no doubt established quite a rapport with after starting for the Goats since 2005 or so. Their next 43-7 loss just won’t be the same without him.

I love Wedgeman’s surprised expression, as if he had no idea there might be repercussions after being filmed while stealing drugs from that middle-aged woman that hangs around the cafeteria sometimes. And I likewise love Bull’s expression in panel three, as if not allowing Wedgeman to pay-to-play on the worst high school football team in the state is some sort of cruel merciless death blow of pain, shame and regret. Just think…THAT was the toughest punishment Nate and Bull could dream up. And they wonder why these kids are in high school for what seems like seven years at a time. The school’s other bullies must surely be trembling in blind naked fear right now.