The Internet Is Still Useless

Link To Today’s Strip

Poor, poor Cindy. A former national network TV news anchor and engaged to a Hollywood superhunk, yet forced to toil in the sordid internet mines just to earn her keep. Such a wry, tragic tale. How many more humiliating indignities will Westview High’s former “it girl” be forced to endure? How many more times will she be faced with a reminder of just how old, washed-up and over the hill she is? Why are the inexorable forces of The Universe stripping her of every shred of confidence and self-worth she has?

I don’t know, but since it’s only Monday, it’s gotta be something. Probably some hilarious stuff about how insecure she is, possibly some comic books thrown in there, maybe an anecdote about a young Stan Lee having his wallet stolen at the first-ever Comic Con, who knows? The way 2016 is going it could literally be anything, at any time, for any reason. Or no reason at all.

Buddyblog always reminds me of Buddy, Wally’s suddenly missing service dog. Man, I miss that mutt. No dialog, no smirking, no wryness, no poorly-rendered nose, just an aloof canine “cool” that the rest of these morons are sorely lacking. Bring back Buddy!

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24 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “The Internet Is Still Useless

  1. Frank Bolton

    WRT Epicus Doomus’s last paragraph: Please don’t bring back Buddy. If Batiuk wrote him back into the comic, I’d be filled with a strange and frightening urge to punch service dogs in the snout after a few days.

  2. Frank Bolton

    Also, didn’t Cindy work for a local newstation in Chicago or some nonsense? Local news is 95% vapid nonsense, even in big cities, so STFU with your smug hypocrisy about not being fed stories sophisticated and worldly enough for your bad self.

  3. Rusty

    Buddy was last seen lounging between the beach chairs of Wally and Rachel while on their honeymoon. He was the only one with the good sense not to return to Westview.

  4. Rusty

    How about this for a story, Cindy? Some local high school English teacher is on a book tour talking about his memoir of his wife dying from breast cancer. How’s that viral cat video sound now?

  5. billytheskink

    Sheesh Cindy, Thel Keane’s working this job to support her 4 kids and get a small respite from that circle. She doesn’t need your guff.

  6. Isn’t this dark haired woman the same who Cindy greeted with an insult when they first were introduced? Her name is Echo Chambers, and I don’t know what’s worse–her name, or that I remember it.

  7. SpacemanSpiff85

    Batiuk’s just jealous that one viral cat video has produced more laughs than every one of his strips combined.

  8. Yeah, nobody on the Interwebz ever discusses current issues. That’s why social media is such an easy-going, no-drama space.

  9. Spacemanspiff85

    Also, God forbid producing content people might actually have an interest in. More Superman creator gossip daydreams, please.

  10. So, in The Author’s universe music sites on the internet force you to make playlists that contain choices you don’t want and can’t alter and the news sites there only report on cat videos and sub-Z-list celebrity gossip. If he’s trying to argue that the internet is useless he needs to pick examples that at least possess enough reality to qualify as straw men.

  11. ComicTrek

    I thought that dark-haired woman was Summer at first…

  12. More irritating blathering about how the Intertubes have to be useless because they produce terrible people who say hateful things like “Your strip is an incoherent morass of comic book references, whining about two goofs from Cleveland who got really lucky and expected to make more money than they probably deserved, necrophilia, misogyny and unsympathetic cretins who are too stupid to get out of the rain. Retire now,”

  13. So TB raised, then dropped, a valid issue (bipolar illness, admittedly not as award worthy as examinations of cancer and PTSD), but will now launch into the superficiality of modern culture because, I dunno, it causes far more distress for society as a whole. Amazing.

  14. Rusty Shackleford

    News to Batty, Katie Couric gets 10 million a year for her internet only news stories. So Cindy… What’s that you say? Katie’s doesn’t do real news anymore, she just phones it in and only gets paid that much because she found a sucker.

    Hmmm, so Katie is the Internet version of Batty.

  15. Professor Fate

    Guy’s got a lot of nerve complaining about other folk focusing on trivial subjects considering the strip’s continual trips into history of an imaginary comic.
    And let’s be honest the news covers things like the president or the middle east with 20-30 second video clips showing either buildings blowing up or the President getting out of his plane or talking to someone else. in depth it ain’t.

  16. HeyItsDave

    Poor Cindy. Gets a job at an entertainment website and doesn’t understand that HER JOB IS COVERING FLUFFY ENTERTAINMENT. Once again, T-Bats inadvertently shows that he should be writing for Pluggers.

    However, going over to Cindy and her new job covering fluff ties in nicely with Mopey Smurf and Boy Lisa’s Starjock Jones project. Can’t wait until Cindy finds out about Mason’s affair with Marianne Winters when she cold reads a script in front of the camera.

  17. @Fred Blurt – I believe the only reason that TB mentioned Mason’s bipolar disorder was so he could use the bi……polar joke. It will never again be mentioned, at least until he decides to recycle the same joke.

  18. The next 2 new characters in Funky Winkerbean: Tiger Springs and Sue Falls. Put that in your mason jar and can it!

  19. Remember when Cindy had some serious misgivings about working for a joke of a news outlet, and she pretty much ignored them because she was stalking Mason Jarr the actor and this job was her ‘excuse’ to be close to him??

    So a year later Cindy’s got buyer’s remorse even though she’s about to become Mrs. Mason Jarr the actor??

  20. $$$WESTVIEW ONCOLOGIST$$$$

    “The Middle East? What is there to talk about? It should be over since Cory Winkerbean & Roxy apparently aren’t needed there! Plus as evidenced by Cory’s demeanor there isn’t anything exciting going on there!

    “As for the Presidential news..hee..hee.. I mean do you really expect us to answer that? This strips time jump is already on shaky ground, do you want us to blow it again by mentioning Trump & Bernie Sanders?”

  21. Charles

    Isn’t this dark haired woman the same who Cindy greeted with an insult when they first were introduced?

    What’s amazing is how often one of Batiuk’s protagonists do this, and yet they’re never, ever called on it. They meet someone for the first time, immediately insult the person, and it never provokes offense or any sort of reaction at all, really. My idiot brother does something like this, but not as overt or as offensive as Batiuk’s Assholes do, and he’s never been able to keep a job for longer than nine months. That’s not a coincidence.

    Just imagine:
    “Ms. Summers just insulted my appearance! What a bitch!”
    “It’s because you’re carrying a water bottle.”

    “The dumbass screenwriter Clay imported from Ohio for some idiotic reason just said our combined intellect makes him want to poison himself!”
    “Forgive him. Someone said something mean to him thirty years ago and he’s never been able to let it go.”

  22. Charles

    “Gee Ms. Summers, do you think Nancy O’Dell ever asks that question? Oh right, she’s not an idiot like you.”

    But okay, let’s say that Cindy has a problem with the focus of Buddyblog. She may have well gone in with her eyes open that this was going to be a internet pop culture online program, but she certainly is allowed her opinion and can urge Buddyblog to approach more politically significant issues. Right?

    Perhaps she should have realized, however, that a news program where her main desk was a $10 card table someone got at a garage sale, filmed by some dope’s cell phone, isn’t going to have the budget to have a Washington correspondent, a seat in the President’s press corps, or an overseas bureau. The fact that this doesn’t occur to her even after doing however many days of viral video reports is kind of staggering.

    Batiuk really has no idea how anything works, does he?

  23. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Batty is really trotting out the full range of his artistic talent today. In response to protests that Cindy looks like she’s 20, BatArt whipped a couple lines onto her face. Now she looks like a sleepy 20 year old.