Grandpa Batom Always Does

Link To Today’s Thing

At least demented, Alzheimer’s-ridden old Morty had a unique FW personality all his own, uninteresting and un-entertaining as it may have been. Now, alas, he’s just like the rest of them. Sigh.

Note to Tom: “Grandpa Google” is never, ever going to catch on, mainly because it doesn’t make any f*cking sense whatsoever. Perhaps it’s almost time to stop carrying on as if The Internet is some sort of newfangled marvel and just allow the characters to use it without acting all incredulous about it.

Coming tomorrow: Mort’s three-hundred pound box of old catalogs arrives and is unfortunately dropped on Ed’s oxygen hose. It crimps and he dies. Entire generations of comic strip readers shrug and/or say “what the hell is a “Crankshaft”?


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “Grandpa Batom Always Does

  1. “Funky Winkerbean” always disappoints.
    Imagine that your legacy is being the worst possible outcome for characters you created.
    Imagine that your grasping at awards meant that your work on this earth was completely discarded.
    Imagine that you are Tom Batiuk.
    How can you even hang your head in shame, knowing that you pushed “shame” aside, in the quest for more, ever more, award nominations.
    And that you never won a single one.
    Hang down your head, Tom Batiuk.

    • Reminds me of Chris-Chan (both pre and post trans) and his/her endless pathetic antics and attempts in getting a “boyfriend-free girl”. All while being blind to his/her flaws that get in the way.

      • This sort of unrewarding nonsense is why no one on Comics Casserole touches the Batiukverse any longer. It’s also why no one wants to look in on Greg “Dumbfuck” Evans’s “Luann”.

      • hitorque

        Chris Chan? Is that another character from the archives??

  2. louder

    I don’t think I want to see the pictures Grandpa Google comes up with for “Bean’s End.”

    • comicbookharriet

      Ask any horse doctor what ‘cleaning the bean’ means… You’ll learn about all the exciting products coming from a Bean’s End.

  3. spacemanspiff85

    This is modern Funky Winkerbean in a nutshell right here. In one panel he introduces drama, suspense, struggle (oh no, it’s going to be hard to find a catalog!) and the very next panel completely cancels all that out (she found it immediately). Which is lame storytelling in general, but when the plot and suspense revolves around two two-dimensional characters buying a dumb pun catalog for a jackass nobody likes, so nobody at all cares or is invested, it’s especially lame.

  4. Yeah, “Grandpa Google.”… Bats dreams of the day when the lil ole lady comes up at a book signing and asks, “I was watching the Price is Right guy say Grandpa Google. I know I’ve heard it before. Did you create it?”…Tom dreams of the Oxford English Dictionary citation: “First appearing in a Tom Batiuk comic strip, the term is now an international meme cutting across a variety of languages and cultures, a true phenomena….”Mr. Batiuk. Are you okay? Wake up! Wake up!”

    • And Bats would claim phenomena.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It doesn’t make sense. Why “grandpa” Google? Does he associate grandfathers with ubiquity for some unknown reason? Was his grandfather a know-it-all? A trivia expert? Mighty Google, Good ‘Ol Google…I could sort of see those examples but “grandpa” leaves me baffled.

      • spacemanspiff85

        The real answer is more than likely just that it’s the first “g” word he thought of that remotely fit.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          Yeah, cute gag. How does he come up with these clever things?

          • timbuys

            Pretty much. As near as I can tell, his process is to think of the most banal variation on a joke he has already told a dozen times in order to avoid expending anything but the least amount of effort on writing.

            As a result, if you come up with something good like a nonsensical alliteration, you hang on to that one for as long as it takes until you make it to that big round number in the sky.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Lisa would have loved Grandpa Google. And Great Grandpa Google+

    • I imagine it’s an attempt–and the only attempt, as far as I can see–to lend legitimacy to the “time jump” thing. “See? We’re so far into the future that only old people still use Google!”
      Problem being, it was never a “time jump,” it was just an “age jump.”

  5. billytheskink

    Balderdash! “Grandpa Google” disappointed me just the other day. I searched for “funny Funky Winkerbean strips”…

  6. The other disappointing thing is that the catalogues in question are the ones Pmmmmm threw out because Mommy Issues. Oh. Also because Ed seems to have been keeping Bean’s End in business all by himself.

  7. Professor Fate

    Ah…just to nitpick here. Wouldn’t they look this up on “fleabay” first if they were looking to buy?

  8. hitorque

    Can we just fast-forward to the part where ten years ago in Krankenschaaftenwelt, a long-forgotten joke of a screenplay penned by our favorite Woody Hayes avatar happens to fall into the hands of a struggling actor desperate for his big break in Hollywood??

    The actor? Masone Jarre…

    The screenplay? “Bean’s End Catalog: The Motion Picture”

    (Don’t ask questions, don’t try to fight it; just accept it for what it is and just roll with it…)

  9. countoftowergrove

    Morty gives Cranky inedible pulp.