Graphic Drivel

I know what you’re thinking, “How can today’s strip be any worse than this past week?”

Well, newsflash!

raph-itsworse

Les. The most dreaded name in the newspaper. The name that even alone evokes the most dire of thoughts. “Les” is the sound that a rattlesnake makes before it dies in a brush fire. It’s the Florida State Police code word for a sinkhole. It was the name of Francisco Franco’s pet canary. It is far and away the worst part of the title of Les Miserables.

I don’t know what possessed this poor poor child to wander near Les’ table, but I do know that if he winds up reading Lisa’s Story he is not going put it down disappointed that only one person dies. No, he’s just going to think that the wrong person dies. And he would, of course, be right.

17 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

17 responses to “Graphic Drivel

  1. Max Power

    It’s certainly a low point in Wolverine’s career to appear in the background with Comic Book John and Mopey Pete.

  2. comicbookharriet

    “THIS is the exception?”
    Cue, Art Spiegelmen popping up out of nowhere to shiv Les right in the back.

  3. Paul Jones

    It’s the exception because Batiuk is stupidly proud of being a disruptive asshole who threw a big enough tantrum about the purity of his message that the studio walked away from a licence to print money just to avoid the jackass.

  4. Rusty Shackleford

    Batty is still shilling….but not selling this crap. Sales rank: 1123248
    #666 in Breast Cancer Book, seriously! #1967 in graphic novels.

    If you want to know who Batty’s friends are, just check out all the fake 5 star reviews.

  5. Gerard Plourde

    The dialogue continues:

    Kid: “That doesn’ make any sense.”

    Lord of Language: “Shut up, kid. I can make Language Arts a living hell for you when you reach high school.”

  6. billytheskink

    This is a Sunday strip, so TB has complete control over coloring it. He should know that the Indians’ cap is not the same color as the Cubs’ cap.

  7. Epicus Doomus

    “Lisa’s Story” is NOT a “graphic novel”. The other two may be, but LS is a book, the kind with lots of words and no pictures. The fact that Batiuk had to resort to shoehorning his cancer book into Free Comic Book Day tells you how alarmingly low on ideas he is these days. What a repugnant display. Go write a new book already, Dick Facey.

    Coming soon: The patrons at the annual sports memorabilia show in Cleveland are confused when Les inexplicably sets up a table full of cancer books next to Brian Sipe’s autograph table.

    • Jimmy

      Right, I thought the Last Leaf book or whatever was going to be the graphic novel. Remember when Les promised Cayla a vacation to the sweatshop where the 7-year-old Chinese kids were going to be cranking out all 1,000 copies of it?

  8. Andrew

    Someone refresh me; is Tom retconning again to meta-canonize Lisa’s Story’s real world trade collection into the Funkyverse and replacing it’s original status as a written book? Or have I missed an arc where Les met Bom Taatuik to illustrate a comic edition of his book?

  9. I don’t understand why my ad-blocker didn’t block the strip. It’s basically an advertisement after all.

  10. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “It was going to be a movie, but then I took the Kill Fee because the guy who writes this crap didn’t know what that is.”

    “Can I punch you in the face?”

    “Get in line. Unless… you want to go in the back room with me…?”

    “Get in line.”

  11. Jimmy

    I do appreciate the juxtaposition of headines in the Post.
    “You’re all gonna die this year , New Yorkers!” followed by “Pizza party accessories”
    I don’t care if it’s real or fake; it’s awesome!

    • It’s got to be a prop from the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. The newspaper’s production date is 1990. The TV station slugged on it, channel 3, doesn’t exist in New York City (which had 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13 on VHF). The callsign for the station, though, is the alternate letters in ‘turtle’. And the advertisement on bottom is for pizza party stuff, and even underneath it says ‘Turtley Slow news day’.

      I’m just startled the prop designers did such a lousy job on making up a fake newspaper. The headline typeface is nowhere near strong enough for a tabloid. The headline is fine enough, but the subhead should be all-caps; remember, a tabloid is about selling the fear of sin. The page should have some graphic (ideally, in both senses) instead of a long string of text. And the columns should run to the same bottom line; they don’t come near matching. I get that this was probably something to be glanced at in the background, and that desktop layout software at the time was PrintShop Pro, but jeez, that’s just bad.

      • Oh wait. Noticing the mention of April O’Neill in the top paragraph, second column, would have saved me some detective work.

        … All right, but this is getting hilarious since that paragraph writes “But perhaps the most disturbing silence is that coming from city hall. April O’Neill, channel 3 Eyewitness News”. Then the last column ends with “— by April O’Neill, Channel 3 News” but whited out. It looks like they wanted to get the character’s name in somewhere but realized the bottom of the last column would never be visible, so they put in a paragraph that doesn’t actually parse in the top middle of the page.

      • billytheskink

        Bingo! Raphael is seen reading it early in the film, wearing a trench coat and hat “disguise”. It’s a very NY Post-y headline, too, believable in real life I would think.

  12. spacemanspiff85

    “Make sure you draw some kid fondling Holtron in the back, behind Les, okay?”
    “Um, Tom, it’s coming out looking like it’s three feet tall. Why did they need a crane again?”
    “Who do you think would win in a foot race, me or the Flash?”
    -artist hangs up-