The Wrong Hair-ku-lor

Using every word
Today’s strip‘s whole dialogue
Can make a haiku

“The hair color is
wrong isn’t it?” “I believe
The next line is yours.”

The wrong hair color?
Looks pretty darn close to me
Not that viewers care

Masone’s Les costume!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Good grief that’s funny!

Oh man, that hairpiece!
Did some poor fellow mold it
From latex and tar?

Maybe that’s not it
Maybe that is matte black paint
On Bull’s old helmet…

Why is Les quiet?
He wanted accuracy
Now he’s getting it

Not a good start here
This flick is gonna be bad
Worse than Money Plane

37 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

37 responses to “The Wrong Hair-ku-lor

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Oh, to have been a fly on BatGak’s studio wall when he sent this one off to CK for publication. I bet he was victory lapping all over the neighborhood that day, with an unsold copy of the cancer book (which isn’t really a book but just a collection of previously published comic strips in book form) tucked under his arm.

    (Batom drops copy of The Trilogy on table at pizzeria)

    “Oh, hey Mr. Batom, what’ll it be today?”

    “Pepperoni pizza, please.”

    (Nudges cancer book to edge of table)

    “Anything to drink with that?”

    (Pushes book off table, lands on floor with mighty thud)

    “Oh gosh, I’m sorry, let me pick up MY BOOK and…there we are.”

    “Anything to drink with that?”

    “Oh, yes, I did say “my book”, thank you for asking! Almost won a Pulitzer for it back in 2008. F*cking Michael Ramirez. It’s about a courageous beautiful young woman who gets cancer, you see, and…”

    “Mr. Batom sir, I have a lot of tables here.”

    “Why thank you, I’m so happy to know it touched you so deeply. Ha ha no, sorry, this is my personal copy, but it’s available wherever fine books are sold.”

    (Manager appears at table)

    “Tom, I though we discussed this.”

    “Oh, I was…I was just…”

    “Yeah, we put up the “No Book Shilling” sign for a reason, Tom. Now knock it off.”

  2. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    Okay, 5-7-5. Here goes…

    Les Moore is struck dumb.
    Masonne looks like Bill Cullen.
    I miss Zanzibar.

  3. Gerard Plourde

    Another day with a speechless Les! How long can this last?

  4. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    This uncomfortable staring is approaching #metoo sexual harassment.

  5. Epicus Doomus

    Les sees Lisa, alive
    Gawks like a moron, of course
    We the readers sigh

  6. spacemanspiff85

    Les is silent because there is no blood going to his brain.

  7. billytheskink

    All heads turned except for Les’… He had no neck.

  8. AmigoLupus

    It says a lot about what a nightmare Les is to work with that Marianne’s first reaction is to sigh and ask what they did wrong this time.

  9. Epicus Doomus

    It’s sort of interesting how the first cancer movie was all about the writing and the script doctoring, but this time it appears that they went from “vague idea” to “ready to shoot” in a few weeks, screenplay be damned. And both arcs centered around the same character, believe it or not.

    So the way I see it, the message here seems to be that only Les’ writing is important thus a truly “faithful” screenplay is impossible, so they might as well just read the dialog straight from the book. After all, strict historical accuracy does appear to be a priority here.

    And that’s interesting because just as his fictional writing is the only writing that matters, Les is really the only character in the strip who’s ever allowed to be anything more than a babbling imbecile. Granted, some might say that being a whiny, overly smug, arrogant self-centered artistic martyr is a step down from that and those folks would be correct, but nonetheless, Les is the only one permitted to be anything “more” than a one-note loser goof.

    Thus we can conclude that in the Funkyverse Les (and by extension Lisa) is all that really matters. Les is apparently producing and directing and casting and approving a major Hollywood production featuring two Les & Lisa lookalikes acting out scenes from “Lisa’s Story”. He’s finally seeing Hollywood doing his masterpiece proper justice. I’ll just let that last sentence hang there, as no further explanation is needed.

  10. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    • Epicus Doomus

      It had to be done. Bravo.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        I’m impressed with the artwork on Mason-as-Les here. You can see he’s portraying Les, but Mason’s features are apparent. But at the same time, it illustrates why this movie would never work. He’s just… ugly. Thete’s no other word for it. Ugly. Nobody wants to watch a realistic depiction of Les Moore’s helmet hair for 90 minutes.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          Lisa was ugly too, mostly due to Batty’s penchant for drawing women like they were pre-teen boys.

          Hopefully Batty’s wife made the call and ol Todd got hauled away for 3 days so that his mental state could be evaluated.

          I also see Batty posted more pics from his LA trip. What a terrible photographer, nothing of interest to see in any of them. Hmm, so I guess he did properly capture the essence of those photos for this strip.

          • hitorque

            That reminds me of another pet peeve… WHY does TomBa absolutely refuse to put lipstick or other subtle makeup touches on any of his female characters? It’s done in so many other comic books and strips. These waif-like, short-haired, A-cup sexually androgynous automatons who make up the bulk of his age 16-34 female character art just irks the living hell out of me…

          • Rusty Shackleford

            @hitorque

            Bugs me too. Why does he see women this way? How come Cindy is the only one who can look beautiful?

            Batty needs to see a mental health professional, soon.

  11. Paul Jones

    As I recall, Les didn’t say too much back then either so at least we’re being faithful to the book.

  12. Y. Knott

    We dreamed of Les, mute
    Thinking this would ease our pain
    Yet Funky still sucks

  13. Banana Jr. 6000

    I thought the Sunday strip was intended to make us marvel at how much Marianne resembled Dead Lisa, and the wig was the key to that. Now two days later we’re on “Les doesn’t like it” without him saying a word?

  14. William Thompson

    Les is impressed by her appearance? Big deal. Does Marianne sound like Lisa? Does she move like Lisa? Does she have the same odor (including her aftershave and Ivory soap?) When she engages in a conversation, will she sound as inane and boring as Lisa . . . okay, that’s a given.

  15. William Thompson

    “Perfecto!” Les says at long last. “Now put her on a marble pedestal and we’ll start filming!”

  16. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Possibly the creepiest, most pathetic Les Moment ever. Move over, marriage proposal containing the words “in the main.” Move over, Les telling disgraced and fired Susan “Heck of a kiss.” Move over, New Years dancing with Invisible Lisa.

    “You’re… you’re Lisa! You’re BACK! I have so much to tell you! Let’s get out of here right now. We’re going home.”

    “Um, Les, no. C’mon man, we have a movie to make. How do you like our makeup? Anyway, come on, Maryanne, we have to get on the set.”

    “NO!!! I’m not losing her again!! Let’s leave this place, Lisa! Give me my Kill Fee. We’re leaving!”

    “Security…!”

  17. The hair color appears to be the exact same shade that Les complained looked like yarn.

  18. Dood

    “I believe the next line is yours,” says Mason Jarre-Moore in his best Paul Lynde center-square voice.

  19. Count of Tower Grove

    BWAWHAWHAWHAWHAW! It’s funny because Past Less’ (Masone) scarf looks like a creepy pair of mutated arms! Becky’s jealous.

  20. Professor Fate

    I’m completely baffled as to what the point of all this is supposed to be. As others have noted it’s not that Lisa is so famous that the actor has to look like her. Hell Martin Landau didn’t look one bit like Bela Lugosi but did a marvelous job playing Bela in the film Ed Wood and won an Oscar for it to boot – it’s why it’s called acting not makeup. (something else i’m willing to be the Author doesn’t understand)
    I just don’t get it, what are we the reader supposed to be feeling here? Awe at the magic of Hollywood? Shock? Suddenly realizing that you left our phone charger back at the hotel? What?
    and the less said about Masone as Les well the better – he’s rather hideous .

    • louder

      The point is that through the magic of Hollywood, Less is able to fall in love with Lisa all over again, heart and soul! Cayla? Who is that minor character?

  21. William Thompson

    Enough’s enough, Batiuk. Have the camera cut to Rod Serling and explain why everyone is kowtowing to Creepy Les. Or why it’s coming to a brutal, abrupt halt.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      “Les Moore, age 57. He was going to Los Angeles, California. He didn’t make it. There was a detour… through the Twilight Zone.”

      • “Portrait of a man destined for murder. Les Moore, 57, part-time teacher, full-time douchebag is about to step out of a world where everyone caters to his every whim. He won’t be stepping back because he’s now got one foot…in the Twilight Zone.”

  22. Perfect Tommy

    Les speechless for once
    Marianne Doppelgänger
    No bank in China

  23. It's Called Haiku Writing

    Funky Winkerbean
    By Tom Batuik and Chuck Ayers
    Really, really sucks

  24. In seriousness, now is the time for Les to walk away from this movie and wish the production company luck. If he is emotionally broken after seeing Lisa again, what is going to do when TB has him or the picture win an Oscar for screenplay or some other made up crap? What did he think was going to happen when “Hollywood” called?

  25. billytheskink

    So many haiku!
    Your comments make this blog great,
    SOSFers