Much thanks to Banana Jr. 6000 for slogging through Summer’s ludicrous Could Be A Book Deal Here moment over these past two weeks… which, despite revealing that Montoni’s is apparently closing (!!!) and launching Summer off to interview countless uninteresting people who appeared in this strip 30-40+ years ago, does NOT continue in today’s strip. I’m not mad about that or anything, but I am surprised.
But should I really be surprised? Over the past 5 years or so we’ve seen TB shift well away from the two workplace communities (Westview High School and Montoni’s) that have defined this strip for pretty much all of its existence, largely replacing them with this new one he’s created at Atomik Komix (toss in the Komix Korner scenes and the shift is even more pronounced). If you had told me 5 years ago that comic books would somehow become MORE important in this comic strip in the near future I wouldn’t have believed it possible. But it is and they are, as very clearly evidenced by today’s strip in which TB’s latest issue du jour has taken on even more critical importance because it has now directly affected his author avatar’s sad little comic-obsessed world.
P.S. – I am now refusing to use the asinine term for climate change that TB continues to flog even though no one else on the planet uses it. I’m going to call it damate climage or climage damate or issue du jour or nothing at all for the rest of this story arc and the foreseeable future. I am aware this is stupid, but it is not as stupid as the term I’m refusing to use. Thank you in advance for your understanding.
Son of Stuck Funky 
May I propose “Dammit Climbage”?
Dammit, Jim! I’m a comic book writer not a climate scientist!
He decides to do a story about supply chain disruptions. Focus on food? School supplies? Medicine? Of course not. But, at this point, I feel like I’m complaining about the terrible food and small portions.
Perhaps you just seriously need the eggs, Cheesy-Kun.
“Sir! None of our comic book container ships are able to dock at any Lake Erie ports, as climate damage has left them high and dry! Right now, the S.S. Jimmy Olsen is stuck on a sandbar 30 kilometers due NE of Sandusky. The flow of Silver Age comic books into mid-central Ohio has slowed to a crawl!”
“Thank you, Seaman Sample. Notify the president and the governor, we’ll need to tap into our strategic comic book reserves until after blizzard season.”
Real plausible there, Tom. Maybe this is a good thing, as it’ll force the always-annoying Batton Thomas to, you know, finally grow the f*ck up. Why is he doing THIS again? These Atomik Komix arcs have become the new worst thing about FW.
“Sir, the position of the Olsen places it in Canadian waters just off Pelee Island. I’m afraid we have an international incident on our hands. We’ll have to contact the Canadian Coast Guard for assistance.”
Oh no! Climage damate is delaying comic book shipping. Better get The Inedible Pulp on the case ASAP!
I like to make light of how the Atomik Komix bullpen stops working and starts shirking at the drop of hat (that is, if they are working at all) but we have NEVER seen Batton at work once… unless someone is paying him to show up at other folks’ places of work and gripe. Write what you know, they say.
Shirking and smirking and for huge paychecks since everyone loves comix. No wonder TB refuses to give up the dream.
How many trees have to die so that this grown man can continue to indulge his childish interests?
“Climate damage” is yet another attempt by the least talented writer in the world to show that he’s got his thumb on the pulse of what’s happening now, and if the people who are important are THAT important, they will start using his phrase pronto and plus also give him an award for his genius.
Batiuk has done this countless time before (“My phrasing is SURE to get me an award this time!”). I know this, but I can’t for the life of me remember any of them. Pretty sure “vendo” and “solo car date” were not among them.
More evidence that a Pilitzer nomination is the worst thing that can happen to a person.
Batiuk looks for a pulse, finds it, acknowledges that it exists, but never actually TAKES the pulse. So far, the sum total of all of these climate damage arcs is “there is climate damage”. And that’s it. He’s too gutless to actually go anywhere with it. He could easily do some dumb arc about the ol’ skating pond drying up thanks to climate damage, but he wouldn’t dare. As usual, he brushes up against his “timely topic”, then goes spinning off on another ridiculous, boring tangent by Wednesday. None of his “topical” arcs is every really about that topic. It’s all premise, just like always.
For Batiuk, the effects of AGW won’t hit home until there are no leaves to drop from the trees near Lisa’s bench.
Then it really will be The Last Leaf.
The question is, will he have the last leaf slabbed (which is so new-fangled) or will he go the traditional route and have it bronzed?
Google has plenty of examples of “climate damage” being used to mean “economic damage caused by poor environmental stewardship.” And efforts to calculate it or assign blame for it.
But that can’t be what Batiuk is aiming at here. I can’t even fathom where he would have heard that term. The University of Chicago Review of Environmental Ethics and Policy isn’t a comic book.
My guess is that Mr. It’s Called Writing tried to coin a phrase, and inadvertently chose one that already had a more specific meaning.
Oh noes!!!111!!!
Tatton Bhomas has been mildly inconvenienced by Dimate Clamage!!!!!!111!!!!
And people are starving elsewhere, Ukraine fights for its assistance, and inflation is hurting everybody. Get real, Batiuk!
Yep, Batty has ignored all that.
Funny we don’t see Adeela having immigration issues anymore…I wonder why that is?
There you go again, bringing up that perspective thing again…
Certainly a “quarter-inch/one-eighth inch from reality” moment (whatever the term was that Bautik coined). There’s a lot of real-world issues affecting stock distributions, and no doubt the climate does affect some of the means of transportation and production, but personally I’ve been hearing more talks of “lack of workers”, “rising oil prices” and “goddamnit Russia” rather than weather issues.
Also needless to say, environmental issues becoming “personal” when you can’t get your 70+ year old reprints of comics you’ve probably read 10 times over just screams “first world problems”.
The big climate related distribution issue I’m familiar with right now is the low water level in the Mississippi affecting barge traffic. About halfway through our soybean harvest we changed which grain elevator we were storing at because of it.
Having to ship grain via train/truck instead of barge is a big deal. The fuel cost difference is substantial. A much bigger deal than not getting your stupid omnibus on time.
CBH,
I’ve been reading about the Mississippi water levels and wondered if there’s a corresponding deficit in the Missouri River drainage area which could possibly account for it. We’ve been hearing so much about the problems affecting the Colorado River that we forget the effect that the lack of rainfall might also be having on the east side of the Continental Divide. Hopefully it’s not also affecting your harvest. Less product combined with higher shipping cost would compound the pain.
Farmers pay the cost shipping from the field to the elevator, (even if that cost is just 10 hours of CBH bouncing along in the tractor as she pulls wagons five miles to the closer elevator on the rail line. It’s others who pay the cost from the elevator to the next step. I suppose it could depress the prices, if everything else going on in the world wasn’t keeping grain demand pretty strong.
Shipping disruptions caused by climate damage? Did the UPS truck run over a tree felled by an out of season thunderstorm?
Doesn’t this asshole have a job or something?
Yes. He writes — but doesn’t draw — an obscure daily comic. Takes him about an hour a week, including breaks.
Congratulations, Batiuk, you just turned apocalyptic climate change into a sentimental favorite.
1. I do not see Holtron?
2. If there is truly a shortage of omnibuses, why pick climage damate as the ignorant reason? (Other than it’s Batton Thomas) He could have used consequences from Covid, inflation cutting into costs of printing and decreased public spending, or trucker union slowdowns. But climage damate? I say damate to hail! Why are there barges full of omnibuses stuck on Lake Mead?
3. A note to beloved CBH. I read CBR.com almost daily. Today there is a Manga comic (anime? I would not mind an explanation of the difference.) called “Drip Drip” by Paru Itagaki. Apparently, she also created “Beastars.” What art I saw from Drip looked spectacular. Do you know of her? I understand it is horror comedy. If you have read, did you like it? Thanks, kiddo.
Gads think of all the fans he would have made, temporarily, if he’d said the problem was a boat got stuck in a canal, though.
Was that last year, where the ship carrying piggybacks got stuck? Was it the Suez?
I initially read your post as: “goat got stuck in a banal.” I may need new glasses. I appreciate your posts, Joseph.
That was the Ever Given, stuck in the Suez Canal for six days in March 2021.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2021_Suez_Canal_obstruction
Gotcha. Thank you.
Crankshaft had a nightmare about it last June.
Hey SP!
I am familiar with Beastars after watching the anime, but haven’t heard of ‘Drip Drip.’ I’ll have to check it out! I really haven’t read all that much Manga, mostly Attack on Titan and Berserk. I tend to wait for the anime adaptations, and then move on to that series manga if I hear that the manga is better.
Was Beastars good? Is it similar at all to Elephantmen? By Richard Starkings
Beastars is good. Kinda like a rated R Zootopia.
Basically, manga is print comics, anime is animated shows and movies. (So you don’t have to say “manga comic”, as it’s redundant. Just calling it “manga” is fine.)
Thank you. I did not know any of that! I have been educated.
“Climate change just got personal?” Yeah, that would explain the expression on Batton Thomas’s face. He looks more defeated than usual. What can he do, other than implore Mopey Pete to create a comic-book superhero to save the day?
Sorry, hit thumbs down by mistake when trying to hit thumbs up. Not letting me correct it. My bad, William. Apologies. Can I blame dlimate clammage?
Looks like it got corrected. Thanks! While I am an inconsistent poster, the main posts and the comments have always made me laugh and nod my head. I appreciate all you guys and your good humor and insights. Thank you. You’ve made my days a little brighter.
He sounds like a junkie who can’t get his fix. Which is exactly what he is. In tomorrow’s strip, Batton Thomas asks Pete if he’s “holding”, and implores Pete not to hold out on him. He’ll totally pay him back when his disability check comes in.
“Mein Führer, due to climate damage, the roads into Medina are blocked here, here, and here.”
“That’s OK. Herr Steiner has a semi trailer full of old Silver Age comic books coming up 71 from Columbus. Everything will be fine.”
(Nervous glances, throat-clearing) “Mein Führer…Steiner…”
“Route 71 is closed due to tumbleweeds, Mein Führer. Steiner cannot deliver the comic books to Medina.”
(Removes eyeglasses with trembling hands) “Everyone leave, except for Pete, DSH John, and Crazy Harry.”
“I placed an order! Steiner promised two day shipping! Who do you think you are to fail to deliver an order I made?!”
But I’ve always acknowledged how much I learned from *Tumbleweeds*! How could the real deal have turned on me like Son of Stuck Funky posters at their snarkiest?
…
…
…
Okay. This is the most stupid and insufferable strip in a year full of stupid and insufferable strips.
I don’t know, Batton, maybe if you’re so worried about climate damage you should purchase digital copies of your precious silver age books, rather than expect brand new physical copies to be printed and shipped to you.
Just, textbook 1st world, upper class hubris. You want ‘governments’ or ‘corporations’ to wave imaginary money wands that they really don’t have and fix climate damage. But you yourself aren’t willing to take a look at your own habits of waste and consumption.
CBH, I’m sorry! I said something similar below. I should be more careful. As usual, you say it better than I do.
No mea culpa necessary! On any given day there will be different comments finding different ways to examine the same problem with a strip. Your comment brought up the interesting question of where these omnibuses are being printed. Most black and white novel type books are printed here in the US of A, but nice multi-colored comic books are often printed in China.
A fact that Batiuk seems somewhat aware of when Les Moore promised his replacement wife a trip to China that they never took.
My God, Les is horrible. “My gift to you is a trip to to watch my book about my more important wife be printed.” And then he never takes her on it.
I mean, The Last Leaf is supposed to be about his relationship with Cayla. But it’s presented as a coda to Lisa’s Story where his marriage to Cayla is all about how Les moved on and got his happy ending. And it’s a graphic novel. So readers will be reminded on every page, with every picture, that Cayla is black.
If only the world had heeded the warnings of several Atomik Komix kovers! Klimate Damage would be Kilmate Managed!
But now? Comic books — the very vessels of Earth’s salvation — are in jeopardy! You fools!
I must drive to Akron’s Comic-Con! Yes, in a large gas-consuming van carrying hundreds of pounds of processed and bound pulped trees! Not for me — for ALL of us! So that I may yet spread the message and save the world!
Just when you think this strip can’t get any lower….
TB continues to want to have his cake and eat it too. Hint. A lot more people use the phrase “climate change” than “climate damage.” But TB doesn’t want to make anyone mad.
Yes, there have been shipping delays and supply chain problems. We can point to COVID, lack of workers, Russia invading the Ukraine, the Eastern seaboard not getting ready in time for the Panama Canal expansion, etc.
But yeah. Some loser in his 70s can’t get his boutique omnibus books that probably cost three figures in hardback. I’m sure farmers and fishermen in the tropics feel bad for him.
Geez, Summer looks worse here than she did last week. The bags under her eyes must be from setting the clocks back.
“Captain Silver Age”? Mopey, you work in an office with no less than three writers and/or artists who actually created comic books during the Silver Age. All this treadmill-hogging bore did was read them as a kid. Why does he get the honorific?
“Shipping disruptions caused by climate damage”? Really? That’s the hook for this week’s arc? Nevermind the fuel shortage, grocery shortage, baby formula shortage, or other supply chain issues, most of which are not a result of weather changes. No, the crisis is that Batton Thomas (Writer of the Nationally Syndicated Comic Strip “Three O’Clock High”) has to wait for his hardcover collections of “The Complete Ultra the Multi-Alien” and “The Swing with Scooter Omnibus,” all of which he probably already owns in the original magazine format, anyway.
Inspired choices for Complete and Omnibus there, Mr. O’Malley. Don’t forget *Anthro* and *Angel and the Ape.*
1. I bought and read the number 1 issue to “Anthro.” If I remember correctly, he was a cro mag on in a tribe of Neanderthals. Hilarity ensued. I saw copies of “Angel an the Ape,” but never read.
2. AS, you might be a source for this: Batton’s Comic, 3 O’clock High, have we ever seen a cover? Do we know what it is about? Are there any characters? What does the title even mean in the strip’s context? (I do think it is a clever play on words.) Thank you ahead of time.
Anthro is exactly that, a Cro-Magnon boy born to Neanderthal parents. In his short run (six issues, plus a try-out issue in *Showcase,* between the Creeper {Beware} and the Hawk and the Dove), he invented the cop out and coined such phrases as a man’s best friend is his dog.
He also has two wives, neither of whom is named Lisa or Cayla.
As far as I know, we haven’t seen anything of *3 O’Clock High,* and only know it as a title Tom Batiuk considered for *Funky Winkerbean,* which, as things are no longer funky or groovy, he regretted he didn’t use. Hence, he gave it to his fictional avatar, Batton Thomas. It is most certainly not as well-fleshed-out as *Fearless Fosdick* was in *Li’l Abner.*
There is a 1987 comedy called “Three O’Clock High,” but all I know about is what I’ve read in Wikipedia.
Thank you! I did not know that was FW’s preferred title. Loved the reference to L & C!🌺.
“Fearless Fosdick” was Capp at his best being a parody of “Dick Tracy.” Although, I think the original was more violent, if that was possible. Back in those days, strips were mainly censored for nudity. (There is a huge difference between Wally Wood’s version of Sally Forth and Marciuliano’s. The main difference being, I do not think WW had Ted Forth.😜.
Batton Thomas can’t read his copies of the originals because he had them slabbed. They’re too valuable for anything but proper fanboy worship. He has later editions, but because they’re old and unique he can only read them on sacred occasions, like Superman’s birthday. He needs the newest copies to keep his memories alive (and those new copies will soon be shelved; they’re special collector’s editions, with properly-restored colors and crisper printing.)
Superman’s birthday is February 29th, in case you’re wondering.
A-U-T-I-S-M.
I suspect you’re right, Banana.
And let’s pick this damaged climate nit. From where are the materials for Atomix Comix collected and where are they made into a final product? Why should anyone take this issue so seriously when TB and his imaginary AC do not? Are these guys reducing the carbon footprint left by their mass-produced, mass-distributed product? Are they finding ways to use more sustainable materials? Of course not. But, wow, look at that cover of Atmos and feel how much Tom cares.
We’ll never know, because that’s not the part of the comic book production process Tom Batiuk is interested in. He views everyone except artists and writers as needless parasites.
I know we’ve had this discussion/debate before, BJr6K, but… I was going thru the dreadfully buggy CK archives, looking for the 1997 arc in which Lillian throws out her Tiffany lamp and it ends up in Montoni’s. Turns out the earliest strip on CK is October, 1998. But looking through some of those Act II strips, and the Act I strips currently running as Vintage FW on CK, I realized: Hey, these aren’t bad.
The Act I strips set up a bunch of tropes and high school “types” like the dumb jock, empty-headed cheerleader, nerd outcast, etc, and then parlayed them into amusing situations. Some of the jokes in Act I are actually funny, and very few are downright awful.
Act II, while soap-operaish, also moves along briskly and features a far wider array of distinct characters and realistic situations than we see today. And Batiuk’s art, IMO, is better than Ayers’. Maybe drawing the characters himself made him better at writing them, who knows?
Act III really bears almost no resemblance to the two previous acts. Just nothing but Abe Simpson-style “the Kaiser changed the number twenty to ‘dickety'” garbled nostalgia for his long-ag0 youth, and an incredibly short attention span coupled with constantly repeating the same boring information, as if the spirit of Karen Moy were guiding his pen.
Since Acts I and II didn’t show evidence of autism, I suspect it’s more about dementia.
To add to that — Acts I and II feature realistic responses to events. Something bad happens = people are sad. Scary? People are anxious. Wonderful? People are happy.
In Act III, Funky is angry and mopey over his Discman, but jolly about losing his restaurant.
I also blame the death of Tom Batiuk’s last editor, and the syndicate’s decision not to replace him, for why Act III turned into such a mess. Yes, Batiuk could do better work in the past. But being left to his own devices brought these tendencies to the forefront in his work. I may not have emphasized this enough in my prior comments.
Acts I and II didn’t show evidence of autism
No, but Batiuk’s accounts of his own life sure as hell do.
Yes, that’s true — he did have editorial oversight then. It’s hard to believe his editors had such a strong influence they could turn the guy whose work we’re reading today into a creditable professional cartoonist. I have to assume the editorial oversight was attentive to the point of being overbearing. Whatever they were doing, it certainly seems to have helped a lot.
It’s interesting that he didn’t seem to carry any of that help/advice forward with him. Oh, other than “no arc should last longer than 3 weeks.” (Proof he has never read any of his elders and betters, since many of the classics had arcs lasting months.)
I haven’t read any of Puff Batty’s accounts of his own life that were written back when the strip didn’t suck. I wonder if they were more coherent. Were they always disjointed, solipsistic, preening, and unnaturally focused on comix?
I’ve only seen his blog entries from the last few years, and, uh… whew. I’m just wondering whether the same downhill slide in the quality of his strips is reflected in his prose writing.
While I’m still onside with the dementia theory, BJr6K, you are more and more convincing me that some form of undiagnosed autism is also in play.
So maybe what were seeing is a confluence of events. Acts I and II are the work of someone who is on the spectrum, but is still high-functioning — especially with collaborative and sympathetic editorial support. In Act III, the support collapses, and the near-simultaneous beginnings of cognitive decline not only affect his ability to tell a coherent story, but also exacerbate his innate autistic tendencies.
Oh, and he’s also a terrible researcher. But that’s a separate issue.
My theory about Batiuk is that he’s a narcissist. He expects everyone to be interested in the things that interest him. He wants to be recognized as the greatest creative mind ever. Praise should come automatically and criticism should be allowed only so he can scorn it. Even his humility is a magnificent thing to behold.
It’s very likely a confluence of events. These aren’t competing theories, they can all be right.
Sometimes I think he’s just shilling his business ideas. “A movie of Lisa’s Story! It could be great if you let me write, direct and produce it! Or somebody who truly understands my vision!” “Star Wars? Hah! People are aching for a real Thirties-style space opera movie! And you could do it for pocket change!” “The world is dying for a comic-book publisher that revives the brilliance of the fabled Silver Age!” Up next, it could be “KSU Press, you’ll get rich with ‘Summer Moore’s History of Westview!’ It’ll be all new, unpublished Funky Winkerbean cartoons!”
As BJr6K says below, his problem is likely a confluence of everyone’s suggestions. Maybe we should be wondering how many times someone has asked Batiuk “Do they even have a word for what’s wrong with you?”
If I didn’t know Batiuk was a baby boomer, having someone whine that a real fucking problem that will affect the grandchildren who never visit more than it will ever affect him is now a problem because of a mild and trivial and LAUGHABLE inconvenience would make me think that Batiuk is a boomer numbskull.
1. All over the planet, people are losing their livelihoods, their homes and their very lives because of climate change and other forms of environmental degradation brought on by indifference and corporate greed… But yeah, Mister Suburban White Privilege First World Problems, tell me more about how it’s now “personal” for you just because some overpriced hardcover anthology of the exact same dumbassed comic books you’ve been rereading every week for the last 54 years is delayed for another week…
1a. Am I a horrible person for wishing an entire universe of fictional characters would just fucking die, and die horribly and then go straight to hell??
2. Why the fuck is this guy “Captain Silver Age” and not Flask+Phred? You know, the two idiots who have actually been MAKING Silver Age comics their entire miserable lives?
2a. So this asshole freeloader is really going to use this office as his own free locker room, personal gym and aerobics studio whenever he feels like it, isn’t he? Might as well give him his own keycard and parking spot, right? Not only that, Thomas has apparently granted himself “free interruption and conversation privileges with AK staff”…
2b. Jesus Fuckin’ Christ this guy needs to get a life of his own… Volunteer, start a new hobby, travel, anything…
2. To be fair, Phil Holt had dropped out of the komix game years before he even died.
“1a. Am I a horrible person for wishing an entire universe of fictional characters would just fucking die, and die horribly and then go straight to hell??”
If you are, then so am I. Not that I hate all the FW characters that violently. But the Mark Walberg Transformers movies are just that rough.
Flask & Phred — bravo! Herman Melville’s third mate meets Garry Trudeau’s Vietnamese guerrilla.
Two things I will always remember about Mr. Flask: that he was, alas, a butterless man and that when the Pequod was in her death-throes, he thought of his mother.
I hope she was nothing like Roberta Blackburn.
No Omnibuses? He’ll just have to read his DC Archive and Marvel Masterwork collections. Or DC Showcases and Marvel Essentials. Or, God forbid, he could read the originals.
Aaaaand the trainwreck continues! Montoni’s, seemingly the only restaurant in Westview, closes. Meanwhile, the woke garbagefest known as Atomik Comix continues. Not to mention Batiuk seems to abandon plotlines without resolving them as a faster pace than usual. If want reality, I read the news. I read comic books and strips to ESCAPE reality. Can’t Batiuk get that!
I’m glad I’m not to notice that the entire economy of Westview has collapsed. Montoni’s has gone bust, and now the vital supply of comics has been cut off forever! Soon Westview will be nothing but so many ruins of a lost civilization. I can why Summer’s “oral history” is so important. It will be the only record for generations hundreds of years in the future of what life was like when Giants walked the Earth like Funky, Les, Dinkle, who become the stuff of myth and legend
This reads like an angry Millennial wrote a strip with the most vicious possible caricature of What’s Wrong with Baby Boomers.
Yup. This would be a potentially satirically funny strip if it were delivered by a character we’re supposed to find annoying, entitled and unlikable. Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons springs to mind.
(Of course, the unutterably stupid phrase “climate damage” would need to be replaced with something actual sentient lifeforms would say.)
I know this is unrelated to the current storyline, but when was the storyline that Mooch tried to burn WHS down?
That would be October/November 1999. And he wasn’t really trying to burn the school down, since he was the first kid to pull the fire alarm. It was all just a ploy for attention.
“A ploy for attention.” Why does that ring so loudly with familiarity?
I know what i’m about to say is unrelated to this storyline, but when was the storyline where Eric “Mooch” Myers tried to burn WHS down?
Gee, Batton, your day thus far would seem like heaven to most of the characters in this
comicstrip. A trip to the Komix Korner followed up by a visit to the Atomik Komix offices.All you need to complete the boring Batiuk trifecta is a meal at Montoni’s…
Oops! Too soon?
I expect Montoni’s to be open again before Christmas, with no followup or explanation.
But what will the inhabitants of Westview do until Christmas?
Is the Toxic Taco still open, or will the populace of Westview survive on hot dogs and peas washed down with cocoa?
Without Montoni’s, everyone will be roaming the streets for food.
Westviewian #1: To the Dinkle place! He has frozen band turkeys!
Westviewian #2: He’s obviously hoarding them! Kill him!
I assume this is yet another “climate damage” story arc, culminating in an obligatory Elementals Force sideways Sunday cover. This should be the one featuring ‘The Scorch.’ She’s the only Elementals Force team member left.
This is the last one. Right? 🙏
January:
Batiuk: (proud) I’m pleased to introduce an exciting new member to the Elementals Force.
Nooooooooooooooo!!!! 😱😱😱
“QuinTessa, the Fifth Elemental and First Nonbinary!” One appearance and the newby vanishes.