beckoningchasm

Cut The Cheese

You know how this could be funny? If it showed three or four kissing takes, each one of them interrupted by Cindy, despite repeated promises that she would behave next time. The director would get madder and madder, and Mason would have to calm him down, “Give her another chance, Mr. Popsicle!” Admittedly, not a laff-riot, but amusing, and driven by the character, instead of the necessity of “running out the clock.”

I guess I’m really saying that this could have been funny, in the hands of a different cartoonist. As it is, it’s about as boring as this thing gets. We get it–Cindy is a neurotic mass of fears, jealousies and insecurities. She also lacks any sort of self-awareness and is incapable of restraint. None of this makes her funny. Now, she’d be perfect in a certain type of comedy (the Three Stooges comes to mind), or as the kind of woman that a guy has to escape from, but each time she keeps turning up (Carrie Fisher in “The Blues Brothers,” e.g.).

Her character also keeps this from being poignant. Cindy is well aware that Mason’s career depends on getting roles, and he’s the perfect type for “romantic lead.” Which would mean a lot of kissing, and perhaps some bedroom scenes. Cindy ought to recognize that a) it’s good if he keeps getting work, and b) it’s all make-believe.

That second part is really crucial; it’s something she should keep in the forefront of her thoughts all the time. Which wouldn’t be a problem if she had some other way to fill her time. Doesn’t she have a job? Shouldn’t she be putting her energies into that, instead of blitzing-out every time she thinks that someone attractive is a threat to her? As it is, I can’t help feeling Mason is going to wise up some day, and think, “You know, she really is crazy. Time for goodbyes. Where’s that old kevlar vest I used to have?”

Speaking of goodbyes, this is the end of my current stint. Please give a warm SOSF welcome to your new host, Epicus Doomus!

Paper or Plastic Dirt-Bag?

Link to today’s strip.

Never mind the title of this entry; sometimes it’s really hard to be clever, as Frankie (and a certain cartoonist) can well attest. So, like a certain cartoonist might say, you grab a word out of the material in front of you and think, “What goes with ‘dirt’?” You might find yourself surprised by your findings. And not in a good way.

Anyway. So, Frankie and Lenny see Mason and Marianne walking away toward the studio soundstage.

Somehow, this gives Frankie ideas. Big ideas–the kind his boss, Fred Flintstone, wants. The kind he knows Fred will see, and he’ll get that maniacal gleam in his eyes. “Boys,” he’ll say, “boys, this–this is good. This is really, really good. Yabba-dabba-do!”

And, using a bit of imagination, I can see the headlines now:

As Alfred E. Neuman once offered, “Perfect for framing or wrapping fish!” What he once said about his own portrait might now apply to certain sections of the newspaper in their entirety.

DuMbZ Part 3 in 3-D

Link to today’s strip.

Oh Good God. You know, the other day when I said that Frankie’s big scoop would be “Elder Stars of ‘Starbuck Jones’ in Torrid Affair,” I was kidding. I didn’t think that anyone, and I mean anyone, would notice such an innocent-looking stroll and think, “Oh, boy, look at the scandal right in front of me–here’s my next paycheck!”

Frankie is really, really bad at this villain business. Sure, I recognize that he has the requisite sleaze factor (based solely on the fact that Westview hates him, so who knows if that sleaze actually exists). But he would also have to have some kind of journalistic ability, and the judgment necessary to recognize when a story is not a story, and vice-versa. And italics.

Of course, I don’t know why Clean-Shaven Fred Flintstone is even taking the time to berate them. In case he didn’t notice, the network already ran with both of these stories. It’s way, way too late to decide they just aren’t up to snuff. It’s also hard to tell his reporters, “Don’t do that thing that we used, and that we paid you for. Just stop doing that. What? What should you do instead? I don’t know. I’ll let you know after we run your work in prime time.”

Unless…the last two days were a dream sequence for Frankie? I would not put it past this comic strip to pull that one.

DuMbZ Part 2

Link to today’s strip.

Okay, not sure what I can say about this one. We saw Vera and Cliff the other day enjoying ice cream together…and that warrants network coverage? For two people that were completely forgotten by the viewing public until the last six months? (In other words, people that no one cares about.)

What, weren’t there any cats stuck in trees in the past week?

There’s really only reason for coverage like this, and that would be if the upcoming Starbuck Jones movie was the most anticipated film of the century, with people slavering to learn each and every tit-bit.

And I just can’t buy that. Why? Because Tom Batiuk hasn’t sold it, that’s why. There’s a reason some people are storytellers and some people aren’t. Some people can tell stories about damaged or despicable people and make you care what happens. Alfred Hitchcock did this many times–in “Strangers on a Train” there’s a scene near the end where the villain is being prevented from acting, and the way the film is shot and edited, you’re actually hoping the villain succeeds. Similarly in “Psycho,” when the car stops sinking, the audience has been subtly led to think, “Oh, no, that car has to sink!”

Alfred Hitchcock was a masterful storyteller. Tom Batiuk…not so much.

DuMbZ

Link to today’s strip.

Before reading anything I have to say (as if), I urge you to check out BillyTheSkink’s posting of Coach Jack Stropp’s epic takedown. While in a way I think Bull had it worse (Stropp’s arc ends with him smiling in reminiscence, Bull’s ends with him shuffling into darkness) it’s interesting to see that, if you’ve sinned in Tom Batiuk’s eyes, he’s a very wrathful god indeed.

Today’s strip puzzled me for a moment; I thought Starbuck Jones was supposed to enrapture all who beheld its glories, but here’s this news-anchor mentioning it with a thinly-veiled dismissive comment. Then I remembered–the “Zeton Warriors” don’t actually come from the comic book, they’re add-ons dreamt up by the current director. While he (and the studio) no doubt consider them canon, the true fans see them like the Gnostic Gospels–something that’s trying to impose itself on the sacred texts.

If nothing else, today’s offering does show that when he’s not drawing the regular cast, Tom Batiuk is capable of rendering attractive people. We’ll probably never see (*guffaw* *chortle* *knee-slap*) “Beverly Hill” (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha) again, for which she should be grateful. This strip is proof positive that the old adage, Familiarity breeds contempt, is not just a good idea, it’s a lifestyle.