ComicBookHarriet

Grood Zeb

I think that positivity is an important element of growth. No matter how bad something is, pointing out the good things hopefully gives a foundation for improvement. So, in that light, I am going to use The Sandwich Method, so named because the pieces of bread represent positive feedback/compliments while the meat of the sandwich (or innards if you’re vegetarian) represents constructive criticism.

Bottom slice. The art today is pretty good. The human actually looks human, with no bulbous nose or drooping eyes. The action is dynamic and the background is detailed.

Meat of Criticism: Once again….comics bagged and boarded are colored as if they’re in unmarked Manila envelopes instead of plastic. This makes it look like our protagonist has stayed late to sort his porn.

Top slice of compliments. By Batiukian standards, Rusty Staples isn’t the WORST name they could have come up with. I’ve known several men, (most older than 50) with the name Rusty. And it rolls off the tongue leaps and bounds better than Cliff Angere or Masone Jarre. It’s comics related without being something like, Varence Covar or Polly Bagg.

Olive and toothpick. I’ve been puzzling over the name of the store for hours. What could it be? GROOMED ZEBU? GROOVY ZEB’S? GROUP ZEBRA?

Ground Zero.

The comics shop name is Ground Zero.

I take it back. I take the bread back. There is only the wet slimy coldcuts of criticism here…because Ground Zero is the most offensive name for a shop since a Christmas outlet called Holly Costs No More.

A Dam Failure.

Link to Today’s Comic.

On March 20 of this year Chester laid out the raison d’être for Atomik Komikkkkks: “I want the stories in Atomic Comics to be heroic and uplifting! And there will be no gratuitous deaths unless we are absolutely convinced it will help sales.”

So of course, Pete’s first idea is an origin story involving thousands killed in a catastrophic flash flood.

And Darin is so casual, leaning back, smiling. As if he’s begging Pete to write him like one of his French comics. “Je serai Milou si tu vas être Tintin.”

Don’t Eat the ‘Magical’ ‘Pepperoni’.

Today’s strip is finally up.

“Waterlogged comics! Mixed with moldy discarded pizza toppings! And mildew! That’s our hero.”

Darin stares blankly at Pete.

“It emerges from the basement: a sentient mass in the vague shape of a man, but grotesque and lumpy. An abomination of pulped paper, and smeared three-color inks, held together by black mold and marinara.”

Darin doesn’t speak.

“But there’s this beautiful woman, see and she is entranced by his doughy nature, his strange charms. Even though they can’t be together in a traditional sense, she is willing to do anything, try anything, to feel in every cell of her being the deeper spiritual connection pulsing between the flawless woman and the eldritch Comicmuck Thing! All in a homage to Swamp Thing 34! You know, Alan Moore? Rite of Spring?”

Darin reluctantly puts his pencil to paper… “Okay Pete, if you’re sure you’re okay with us using your love life that way.”

Dry Drowning

Today’s strip is finally up.

I was desperately hoping that my return to the writer’s helm after months of this meandering nonsense would be the magical talisman to break this unending inanity. I was there when this plot started in February, and maybe now it could end.

No such luck. Pete is plodding along on his Cosmic Treadmill…using awful word association to come up with cut-rate characters. I’m sure that the Floodlight, or the Floodmaster, or Floody McFlooderson the World’s Wettest Woman, will be nothing more than a name, a costume, a gimmick, and an even worse arch nemesis with drought powers. No Batman or Captain America levels of backstory, built in angst, creeds, and psychological insight. Just a stupid idea, personified.

Floods of biblical proportions can’t drown shallow characters. They’re hollow and insubstantial rising to the top and clinging together in a choking mat of garbage.

Yes I am comparing TomBat’s idea of ‘comicbook characters’ with the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Just Like Howard the Duck in Guardians of the Galaxy.

Link to Today’s Strip.

Whelp, it’s been a fun two weeks at the helm. In fourteen days, we learned that Chester Hagglemore wants to meet with Pete for some reason. And that Darin does at least occasionally visit his parents. I feel like we’ve accomplished a lot.

Beckoning Chasm gets to see us through to the end of the month and beyond. Think we’ll know what Chester has planned by then? Think again! Ann Fairgood in the masthead heralds at least a brief stopover in grandparents’ land.

It is weird, it’s been so long since there has been any kind of suspense in these strips. Some question that you KNOW will actually (probably) get answered. Batiuk doesn’t know how to weave suspense into his day to day, so when he accidentally gets any at all he drags it out to a week of envelope opening.

One thought I’d like to leave you with: What if it IS actually scary inside Darin’s head? What if…hidden under his bland milquetoast nature…his brain is a twisted kaleidoscope of terrifying imagery that would make Hieronymus Bosch double take? This is my personal headcanon now.